Pisces 12° (March 3)
I had so much anxiety this morning. I needed drugs and by that I mean Netflix. So I watched the entire series of The Umbrella Academy which, despite some talented-actor moments, was truly bad. I think if something comic-bookish is going to work, since the premise is always fantastically preposterous, that it has to achieve certain artistry. I liked the one actor who played Klaus but of course the one gay character also has to be the comic relief—we haven’t ventured very far from Paul Lynde’s Uncle Arthur on “Bewitched”.or the early writing and portray of Jack on “Will and Grace.” Klaus is also a heroin addict which makes sense since he looks a lot like Billy Hough thirty years ago. Now Billy Hough looks like Skeletor. He’s just one of those people who have managed to pull the wool over the (only) famous people he targets for friendships, appealing to their vanity as much as his own. I just have this strange, sweeping and sudden realization of being alone in a world that I no longer recognize; and the need for me to do something with that realization. I must develop accordingly. I must launch myself into some self-preserving and yes -serving endeavor where I need not the affection of those who cannot (any longer) provide it, which is fine. Self-sufficiency doesn’t come easy for those of us who have lived co-dependent existences fueled by grossest dysfuntion that slapped us in the face as we exited the womb. Can one be thrown to the wolves and raised by them at the same time. I wonder.
If my fascist father who “gave up on me” because I couldn’t play football or softball by the time I was three would have had any class at all he would have recognized that I might be a good skiier, or play soccer fairly well, or be quite good at tennis. My inability to be him was his excuse so early on for not having to deal with me at all. I do think that when it was just my sister and my parents he maybe even came home early for dinners and they were all three of them a family. But my mother’s father died a month or so before I was born and my maternal grand mother became unwell and had surgeries and needed extra attention mainly, staying with us in my infancy and such. I think he needed any excuse in the book not to come home until around 10PM at night which was pretty much his schedule for the entirety of my growing up. And in summer he would ship us off to the Jersey shore and not live with us at all during the week. That’s just the way things were. I didn’t have much in the way of community growing up. My parents didn’t belong to anything. It was a very dysfunctional upbringing and because of that I’ve struggled to be healthy of mind, body and spirit. I was an unfotunate target early on of unwanted advances shall we say. But even that has made me stronger I believe.
About my interaction with EM: She’s not a great person as has more recently come to light. She caused me a lot of pain and a lot of stress and some real financial cost. But I think the worst of it is being blamed for taking issue. That symptom cause thing is always such a gag. I have faith that the truth will always be known. That is my hope and wish.
More about Aquarius: This is the fixed-air sign, which translates to a point, or countless points, of light. The air element symbolizes both thought and social experience, that which is in the air, if you will. The buzzy mutable-air sign of Gemini translates to thought and information; the cardinal-air sign of Libra signifies thought forms, ideals, principles that can be put into action; while the fixed-air sign of Aquarius is about hard and fast truths. The sign’s motto is the emphatic I know—when we receive a revelation it comes on suddenly, swiftly and absolutely and it alters our truth and consciousness irrevocably.
The dawn itself is a metaphor for revelation, an awakening. Aquarius women tend to be bearers of truth, glad tidings, that might uplift others; they draw upon the archetype of the “descending goddesses” who would bring good news to mankind (and who fell in love with mortal men). In addition to Eos, goddess of the dawn, this includes Iris, goddess of the rainbow (a very Aquarian symbol—the eleventh house rules diversity in sexuality and gender—divergence being akin to sudden spin-offs in mutation), the goddess Hebe weds Heracles, who, via their union is raised from a mortal to immortal. Hebe, goddess of youth, is the female cup bearer to the gods who, by her grace, pours out the nectar, the manna, that preserves their immortal life and youth.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree of the Sabian Symbol may be higher than the one listed here as the symbols cluminate in the next degree. There are 360 degrees spread over 365 days.
Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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