Aries 28° (April 18)

It is in some way pathetic that I spent my day off at work but I’m glad I did in the end. I managed to get some additional questions asked; and also it kept me from feeling too lonely. I am forming this weird habit of waking at four, trying to knock myself back out for a couple of hours, and then falling back and sleeping for two or three more. It’s not healthy, I know; but it is apparently what I need right now. The Amy situation is spinning out of control. Wow, was that ever a mistake. I also get admonishing emails about money from someone whose guidance I sought before the fact. Man, I gotta tell you, I come to the understanding that I am way more functional than I thought in comparison. And all the things I didn’t have to do for myself, those which were blown up to gigantic proportion, actually take about five minutes a day, in a flow, to accomplish. I am accused of lying about one thing; now I realize others lie about everything all the time. There is a feeling emerging that entails liking how I do things. I always have but it was never truy appreciated. I am efficiency incarnate as well as being a creative driver. I’m also cook and cleaner and errand boy and administrator and bookkeeper and charity worker and fucking mensch. I am not like others. I do not need to surround myself with rich people so to pretend I am one. I’m not. And never was. That is not a lesson, unlike others, I need to learn. I have put in the work and outsourced the perks. Agents and such prefer the other person even though I am the generator of the work being represented. I rub people the wrong way. That should be the first line of anything I say on stage. I’m just one of those people. Oh well. Training is over and I’m now on my own on the work front and the gods are playing jokes on me, likely for a reason. There are even computer glitches that cause problems with me and the ones behind the line. Three decades ago it would have sent me into a tizzy, but I’m really too old to give a shit. If someone wants to look at me even the slightest bit sideways, I will be out the door. I need for nothing from “nobody.” The owner was right: it is a dysfunctional family, but for the most part people are really very nice indeed. There was a bit of a sign and J.C. and Kev were there tonight and it turns our Kev owns a place where I’ll be “summering.” Ha! That’s a laugh. Anyway nice to know there will be someone on the property. Soon the fish and produce market will be open. I will go to the beach. There are glimmers. Still I have to move again in less than two-week’s time, I am dealing with the adjustment to this new yob, I have a smashed in car from a hit and run in a parking lot (thanks), I am moving house (again) all while simultaneously trying to find closure of the colossal type (cue Sinead O’Connor’s Last Day of our Acquaintance).  It’s a lot. Managed to make it through the entire day on a grilled cheese sandwich and cup of escarole soup. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2022 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved.