Gemini 2° (May 21)


It is inevitable that I will feel frustrated today but I have to let it all, and I mean All, go. I’m up against it and have to find a way to let out some steam or this pressure cooker will blow. It has before and it will again. And I do not want that. We watched At Liberty again last night for the first time in a couple of decades and it is better than ever. I am feeling inspired and increasingly rested, although sleep feels like I’m recovering from a brain injury which maybe I am. I decide to do a major guarde manger (I don’t remember how to spell it) I make a soup de celeriac, we have a lovely arugula and tomato salad for lunch, we even have afternoon tea with a vegan coconut cheese cake which is lovely, and tonight will be another BLAT salad. I got sunburned sitting outside earlier trying to work. After a bare minimum, and a getting of my injured brain around the whole process, I did take a break and scribble this down plein air.

Would that this could be a magic process and a relaxing one. As it is it feels wonderful to write this by hand today. I managed to rejig for probably the last time and I will have to leave it at that. It reminds me of sophomore year lying on the grass in Boston or Brookline somewhere working on a paper. On the to-do list is still contacting Bu. U. to complain about my grade-point average being fucked up by their system and those evil Bannister people (a story for another day perhaps). I am lying here on my stomach getting a bit of late afternoon sun on my back. It is quite strong. I’ve bought myself several more days, which feels fantastic. Amid this pandemic in late Spring which itself came late, it just feels fantastic to be doing what I’m doing before the heat becomes oppressive or the cold does. We might consider renting in Palm Springs this winter and resuming all business next year this time. I will mention this and get some resistance if not all out blowback.

I think working from five to eleven in the morning, then breaking for yoga, then lunch, si the ultimate ticket if my day can actually end at that time and if they extend what benefits we receive I think we should take no more than a few clients at our rate; and say we should be resuming our work on consultancy also for Spring of 2021. And even bringing branding more into it as well as personal development. Right now I’m prepping the soil. We are all farmers in the end. I am doing the best that I can trying not to feel surrounded or like a victim. So many people falling into that mode all too easily now. There is no use pretending who our friends are or lamenting any lack of family. My ancestors are all dead (oops I forgot I have a song and ten minutes of comedy to write before the end of the month—I am feelin so not funny). My only living immediate family might not be, actually, at this point; who would be to know? This could feel good today or it could backfire utterly. I must attempt a day of totally “sneaking in”, a term I use for starting work early. It is a new moon overnight so I might as well use it as a good a time as any to write that song:

I cannot see you but I know you’re there
Faintly flickering through my imagination
A clean slate I wonder will it truly be better this time around me?
Is there a spark in you in me yet waiting to catch me when I fall
Is that all that I’m waiting or, the next fumbling
A chance to transcend this cycle you put me through

Hard to say, hard to tell if I fell I don’t feel bruises
Noone wins or loses we play for friendly stakes
A passing sorry, sorry tomorrows, days in the depths and briefly shallows
A song so long, attention narrows while you shine your light of shadows
Selene? Dionne? Now which are you?
In this phase your swelling argued
Not the chasing of your brothers guilded team.
But the dream of human longing and little care one has
Sleeping through all this you greatest import
Miffed I would surely be too if I grew
Night on night but slighted out of sight.

Not sure what that was but…going to type this all up and check my baking info. And figure out the best place—probably here in this notebook–to put my sample chapter I intend to use as a guide. This is just day fucking three, which means fucking yoga tomorrow. Do Aries men have dry seses of humor. Is it possible Aries women have so arid a sensibility to be nonexistent? Has there ever been a funny Aries woman? What sign is Kate McKinnon? Judy Gold? Kate Clinton. Bridget is an Taurus but just. Where are my boys at? I must write to Kip I owe him one. Now I have to write a funny ten minutes. I wonder who wrote Elaine’s show. I know George directed it.

I’m melancholy now and have a sinking feeling. It isn’t fear or panic but sadness. Sadness for this world and my lonely place in it. Where did all my friends go? They mustn’t have been all that grand to begin with. I lose many friends too to the coupledom. People think that if they are in touch with “us” they are in touch with me, but it isn’t the same. I can’t remember the last time I just sat alone and cried. It could happen in the course of the next month if I keep up this plan and this pace that much is certain.

The following blocks of texs are exceprts from my first year of  Blagues, nos. 306-310  I am reading through all my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, but the time I get to my seventh, I will have through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize:

And still: There was nothing worth posting from the five older Blagues I read today. It has been really helpful to get an idea of what the content has been over the last five years. The first year was very much about the Sabian Symbols (see below), the bulk of that material I don’t want to post in this slot. And I’m nearly through that year so, once I get into the Blagues from 2016, there will be a lot more to post here (which is a good thing because I won’t have time to write a lot à la minute as we just got a new book deal and that is where my effort and attention is going!

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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