Aries 25° (April 15)

Talk about eating humble pie, good lord. Anyway, I’m doing it. The clothes I bought don’t really fit so that was a waste. On an up note I am proud of myself for all my follow through. I am having Escarole Soup only before heading to the yob. Culture shock on top of it all. I feel really debased. There was no reason for this. None at all. The level of ruination is beyond the pale. And there is no way to even express that because it results in complete communication breakdown, which is the constant state of affairs in any case. I am trying to get to a place where, well, ultimately all is friendly; but the fact is I know realize that I will have to go through my own spate of anger and embargo. After all these years to be left like this with near zero resource after all I’ve contributed, slapping two names on every project for the last twenty years. Well, that was dumb. I should have looked out for number one and I didn’t do that. Well, I’m ready to make a change. I sent proposal to the radio station. I sent proposal to Provincetown arts. I’ve done all I can do. Had a nice long post-work talk with E. L. into the week hours whichh was really quite nice. We are both going through struggles. 

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