Sagittarius 19° (December 11)

So we went out for a little sushi last night which was nice and got enough sleep I suppose. It snowed overnight so I had to go down and scrape off the car and we set out at a pretty decent hour. There was no traffic and it was a bit like driving inside a snow globe. We were meant to meet Alice at this tea today but we got a request to have lunch in J+N’s suite so we had to redirect. Got to the Pierre around noon and of course our suite was incredible. Life seems to offer wonderful things and terrible things all in the same day. We didn’t realize exactly what was lying in wait to ambush us this day but it would be devestating and the effects would last for days on end. Whenever we get broadsided like this I lose my ability to keep this Blague going. I have to say I’m at the end of my tether with this specific thing. I will have to address this whole thing at some point and I will figure out a way to do this I suppose. But then what happens is that I risk the relationship with the agent. I really feel that I’ve worked so hard on our relationships with the new folks at our publisher but something is dogging us. I am hiding the lead a little bit here perhaps but the fact is this day ends on quite a sour note (and then a little bit of silver lining). We quickly unpacked and then made our way over for lunch. We had brought a little bit of chocolate as a gift and were handed presents upon arriving that blew ours out of the water. Such is the way of things. We had a lovely lunch (Caesar salad for me) and then went and got ready to meet A. Just as we did S. said there is an email and it isn’t good news. Which it wasn’t. It seems the editor who kept us for two and a half hours wasn’t going to be offering us anything at all. We were so hoping everything would have been flushed out but instead things were rotten in Denmark. Macmillan: F,S+G, Picador, Thomas Dunne. S+S: Howard, Scribner, Touchstone. Anyway, we went to meet A. and the Lowes and talked about how we can do these things on our own. I’m still going in and out of depressive feelings. I would like to get to the bottom of why it is this is still happening, when, in fact, it is so, so long ago. I suppose we must also come to grips with the fact that this might not be our direction. Still I will explore every route possible and that can include small press, electronic only and other entrepreneurial paths for the writing. I was tempted to cance going to dinner but we decided to follow through on plans to go to Café Lux. And there we got a little bit of a sign.

We were at the host station when this man approached and asked S. if her earrings were Ted Muehling, which they were. He is an opera singer at the Met but he is also a goldsmith and a jeweler with a home base in Stonington, Maine. That would be super on target as you know. Anyway we will meet him when wecome back in the Spring, which is going to entail a tour of New England, anyway, exploring all the options. I am going to put my attention into the investment operations and put on my big-boy pants and pull up the old bootstraps. Had some lambchops and frites and some so-so Priorat and tried to word notes to M.T. but I couldn’t come up with anything even remotely salient. I definitely want to catch up on all that needs doing. And yet here I am having to recover and somehow field the feelings that will come and go and come and go. Everything in life is so up and down on this score. It would be nice to get to a place where we don’t have to be in such a state of flux, but I do believe that is up to me. And we need to relax, regroup, and recalibrate so to meet the chanllenges before us. I decided I am not calling or writing J&L. If they want to drive us from Edinburgh that will be great and we can split the cost of the rental no problem. But I am really a bit in need of taking the proper status. The view from the thirty-ninth floor is spectacular at least thought it bothers me that I cannot ever fully enjoy the fantastic things in life. I feel, too, that I might be hitting a bit of a wall with what I’ve considered fun enhancement in the past. I honestly do feel at my very best when simply relaxed and meeting life on life’s terms. I will need to find a way to address the toxicity still lurking in that particular well. I think I have to give myself the gift of being finished with today’s entry.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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