Month: October 2021 (page 1 of 2)

Portraits Of Humans

Libra 22° (October 14)

Day Sixty-Two E.D.A.N.O.W.W. Well, I will return to the scene of the crime in more ways than one. That is to say I only ate a third of the delicious clam pizza I brought home last night and so I had it for breakfast and lunch today. Nothing like cold pizza and hot coffee but I truly need to go off flour for the next few weeks. I also need to move back some appointments now that I have more information and can ill afford a second of time not packing and moving. It’s getting to the point where [it’s] no fun anymore. That is to say I’ve hit a wall. I have been Mr. Nice Guy, senor accommodating, monsieur heavy lifting, herr bending over backward, and despite my continued kindess and expressions of love, I am threatened and treated like absolute crap. Well guess what folks: I’m done. This is my last post that smacks of complaint or the slightest whiff of victimhood—I am not now nor have I ever been a victim, truly. I don’t care what it costs or means or on what other levels threats are being waged against me, I am undaunted and unafraid. I have lived by my wits since my earliest twenties. I quit my last “corporate” job (at Avenue magazine) in the late eighties and have never worked for other people, save for waiting tables at restaurants owned by friends, since what now seems like childhood. I acted in plays, was on Broadway twice. I wrote for The New York Times (Styles) and Boston Globe (Arts); I contributed to dozens of magazines. I was executive editor of Wallpaper magazine in London. I created Starsky + Cox, writing endless columns and some good books under this shared byline. I wrote scores of pretty funny shows for live performance, playing the “straight” man (shut up). I built a consultancy business, a jewelry business, a publishing business. I prioritized and managed to live near the ocean all my life. I have a reputation for being quite a good home cook. I have decorated (not to mentioned cleaned) every home I’ve ever lived in. I’ve owned homes, I’ve rented homes, I’ve spent winters in various cities, from London to L.A., Paris to Boston, New York to (who knows what’s next?). I have been a kind friend but I have cut those who have tried to cheat of disrespect me. And yet I’m the first to smoke a peace pipe. I created a non-profit festival in Provincetown and a series at A.R.T. in Cambridge, presenting over fifty artists over the past decade. I have loved and lost. I have swung a sword of righteousness and flew my freak flag proudly. I do all in my power to be kind everyday. I suffer slings and arrows but they largely glance off my armour. I am vulnerable and tough as nails. I am psychic without exaggeration. I am determined to stay open-hearted, open-minded, and open-fisted. 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Best I Can

Libra 21° (October 13)

Day Sixty-One E.D.A.N.O.W.W. The night will end with my picking up a clam pizza in Truro. I just can’t get my brain around cooking at night. I am still eating chowder (I made last weekend) for luncheons. Goodness knows it’s probably gone off but my crazy stomach would barely notice at this point. This week I will watch documentaries of Ella Fitzgerald, Rita Moreno and Brittany Murphy. I will watch anything new I can get my hands on actually. I finally get myself put on the account for our cable/wifi. Only took four months. It is amazing to me that certain customer service people say that can’t-do, then others can. I will be ridiculed for the manner and scope of this Blague, which hasn’t been very cosmic now for months, but the truth is, I am working my way back into the material that needs to be written, and after this coming weekend, after days of killing it with the packing, something that will have to be done, practically, around the clock, I will focus my attention on getting another chapter drafted, almost in my spare time. It is what needs to happen. It is such a shame I haven’t heard back from the TV people. Try as I may to move things forward it isn’t always easy and it isn’t always up to me. I have to keep moving. It’s all I can do. I thought that that character Mike, with whom I’ve been dealing these past months, is quite the misanthrope and has really shown his colors. The best way to deal with that sort of thing is to move forward. I really haven’t liked him the whole time to be honest. He is yet another malignant narcissist and nobody needs that. I dodged a bullet people say and I think that is very much true. I am enjoying driving my car into the night. The night has become my friend and I’m like a teenager, now, sleeping during the day. If I can’t sleep tonight I will pack of pack it in. I am really leaving things way to the last minute but it’s really all I can do. It’s so weird that she contacts people we should be in contact with together and doesn’t cc me when I do that for her. It’s like she wants me to be out of the loop and seem foolish in front of others. I would never do that to her, not in a million years. But there is nothing for it, as Samwise says. I am catching up to myself, in more ways than one. I have to deal with the issue of the self-storage. The next few days are going to be fertile and fetal, still. I don’t trust any experience that fully right now. I truly do not. I need to make sure that I protect myself. I don’t trust, I can no longer trust. Once you have been dealt the hand that I’ve been dealt…and there will be those who say that I cannot be trusted, which is bunk. I have been trusted all these nearly last two decades. Left to my own devices when it comes to certain aspects of life, I have never put myself in a position where I would jeopardize the core relationship of my life. I did not seek out emotional connections ever. I had the best emotional connection anyone could have had. I loved my life and I figured out the rest in regards to what was missing. It was known and understood and any speak to the contrary would be a lie. I took care of my health. You can check my medical records and see how they characterize me. I have been honest about who I am since I came out to my parents when I was seventeen year’s old. Anybody who wants to erase my past or my truth can take a flying leap. I never lied about my nature. But I was encouraged, more and more, over time to stop advertising it. And I was stupid enough to let others make me feel bad about who I was and to disguise more and more year on year. Shame on them for doing so and shame on me for letting them.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

They Were Decieved

Libra 20° (October 12)

Day Sixty E.D.A.N.O.W.W. I made tahini oatcakes yesterday for myself which I had never done. It was too painful. I couldn’t eat them so I threw them away. I was up all night like all night and I had a turkey sandwich and also rice cakes with nut butter and honey. I feel like my body is struggling for nutrition which makes a good deal of sense given what I’ve been through these four months. I’m worried because I’m still not packing. It will turn out that I get the place which is a huge relief. And I had said I’m not going to dinner with Cyrus and Danielle but I decide, given the good news, to take them up on their invitation. I haven’t been invited anywhere in so long. I was on my birthday but I ended up paying in the end just because it was all so painful. I can’t wait for a time that I am not in pain. But speaking with Stephen he said it took him three years. He went back to (Roman Catholic) church. I have thought about making such a move but the ones around here have pro-life posters outside and I can’t bring myself to enter such a space. I am doing the best I can. That is also a sentence I write a lot to be honest. I have to sleep when I’m tired and eat when I’m hungry. It really is the only way to make progress at this point. The setback isn’t over. The new landlord needs letter from the old one and we know how that story ended. Still I manage to get something in place and thus my decision to go to dinner. I have sent her every kind of letter and left her every kind of voicemail. I will continue to document the books and the packing and the dump runs and all of it. I need to find a way out of this hell. I truly do. I just can’t believe my professional self needs to take such a hit. There has to be a reason for everything. I applied for an editing job and didn’t get it which is too bad because I really want some kind of stability in my life. I don’t know what is to become of our shared world not to mention something as banal as our website. I wrote the books. I wrote the business plan. I wrote the book proposals and sample chapter. I wrote the yearly horoscope books. I did extra work (writing) on others websites. I have always worked so hard and supported their solo trajectory and now it seems I am paying the price for doing so. That can’t be right. I know they can’t want me to be left with no tools for building my life. That can’t be right. I know I just said that. I went fetal a few times in the last weeks. I have watched the same Friends episodes like four times because they are familiar and take me back to a simpler (albeit phobic) time when things, joys, hope, life was all ahead of us. And now I feel like a used up piece of clothing or furniture or frying pan, no Teflon left, rusted and ready for the bin. That’s exactly where I am at present and there is nothing for it. Oh I have also watched all the “extended” versions of The Lord of the Rings films. It’s unbelievable. It’s not just an added scene here or there. Rather they are double the length of what was released. They are all four hours. Which means two films equal staying up all night instead of getting the requisite amount of slumber. That’s not happening and it won’t happen until it happens.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Man and Strife

Libra 19° (October 11)

Day Fifty-Nine E.D.A.N.O.W.W. Last night was pretty extraordinary and I didn’t get much sleep. Just up all night writing and otherwise getting my brain around this move which is crazy stuff. As suspected there will be issues to sort out and once again my living situation is being called into question which is truly disheartening. I will do my best to transcend the stress this time and just keep pushing through. I have to make this happen I can’t handle any more setbacks to be honest. I am going to keep putting positive energy out there. It really is the only thing I can do. So yes okay onwards and upwards but not in regard to my personal pain. In regard to what needs to do for me to survive this weird time, which I absolutely must do. Meanwhile I started a poem of sorts:

Friends, Friends, Friends, Friends

Like the Northern Exposure song

And the funny dance you do

Letting your hands flop in front

As you do a double step side-to-side

The burst of laugher that made

Us pretend to move away at

The Brady Bunch movie in Rhinebeck

Drunk on margaritas sniffing necks

A ginzu knife being put out in the hall

Our game of walking into a door frame

Unexpectedly, or changed faces

While the other one blinked

I never knew how perfect it all was

Who would ever suspect these precious moments

I don’t know how to live without this

Magic every moment we talked or traveled

Or met with clients or watched comedies

That burst of laugher again making me laugh

All the more in love every single day

Not realizing it was slipping away

Little by little Love lost interest

She forgot what was truly important

The Grass is Greener

Which is always the case but never true

We make our move, away we go

Forgetting the important thing

Is to be there at the end, together

The meantime being nothing compared to forever

I want to hear the man speak in tongues again

And see the floating foam star on starting day

The man hosing a wall in winter

All of this just to one day splinter

There is little reason to live a life

Without the magic of lesser man and wife

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Meanies

Libra 18° (October 10)

Day Fifty-Eight E.D.A.N.O.W.W. Working on the rental agreement and already have a pit in my stomach because of the present landlord situation. I really can’t relax until this is all signed and sealed. I’m already realizing how much I am procrastinating this situation. I daren’t get my hopes up. Not much conversation with the lawyer and after doing all due diligence it all turns into a hurry up and wait situation. I just want to laugh again. And try to get myself back on track here. Once I start packing I will have to do so with a vengeance. I had begun much of the process when I thought we were readying to move to a dream house together. I know so much of what I write here is a lament of this horrible year. I thought the real-estate issue was a problem but on the day it settled my relationship, such as it was, was over. I can’t help but wonder who it was who was the chauffer that evening. I suspect it was B.C.. He has hated me for some time now and he would have reveled in the demise of our wonderful partnership. I need to start thinking about my reinvention, but I know I won’t be there yet until November comes along. On top of it all I am tasked with lawyer paperwork. Won’t it be so good to have a lot of this behind us. There is no recognition of the amount of work I am doing on both our behalves, still. I am happy that Matt calls me today although my landline is kaput. The only thing that freaks him out is my suddenly beginning to cry which, even at such long distance, he has an ability to redirect (me) and keep it from happening. I don’t think anybody really understands what I’m going through. I think people want me to get over it in an instant. I had a close British friend say to me in a sort of cavalier manner that I should get over it, “onwards and upwards” to which I responded that the phrase sounded like something a casting director tells an actor who didn’t get the part. My friend called me mean as a result, and I thought: I really wasn’t being mean at all. I was saying that not just you but most if not all of my UK friends have a much more “move on” approach to what I’m going through. I wish I was built more the way they are. But I still cry myself to sleep every night (if I sleep at all which is rare) and I bawl half of each day as well. I so wish I could move forward, but my heart and soul don’t seem ready to do so. I really believed I was doing things right by my relationship all these years and I really thought we had certain understandings about our shared life. I think she changed quite drastically over the last three or four years especially. And I probably didn’t change enough maybe—I dunno. All I know is that I feel the way I feel and that can best be described as deeply despairing. It isn’t the bad times that trouble me—to my mind they were few and far between—it’s the surplus of good memories accumulated over thirty-eight years that bring me to my knees on a daily basis. I don’t expect my friends to fully understand; and I hope they never have to go through what I’m going through to gain such understanding. I still live, after four months, in a paralyzed state of disbelief. Not only is my personal life in shambles but, being so intertwined career wise, my professional life is being destroyed and I have big fears surrounding livelihood moving forward at this age where everyone I know is comfortably retiring. I have to somehow reinvent myself as a solo entity. But right now it has been four months since I’ve even heard that lovely voice. I’ve been blocked me on phone and all social media. I haven’t even been given passwords to access my own “author” accounts on Amazon and iTunes. It has not only been the most painful time, it has also been so stressful that I have had my finger on the keypad of my iPhone poised to call myself an ambulance thinking I was having a heart attack or stroke at times. I know it sounds like hyperbole but it’s the truth. So I’m sorry if one thinks I came across as mean—that was certainly not my intention. I am hurt and I am terribly lonely. The last thing I wanted or needed to do was to alienate friends whom I need so desperately now more than ever. I can only hope that others understand that.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

International Mail

Libra 17° (October 9)

Day Fifty-Seven E.D.A.N.O.W.W. I saw a place I can stay in for six months and I’m hoping it will happen. It doesn’t solve everything, but it does solve some things. Dave and Alison are going to take over ownership of the baby grand piano. They are paying nothing. In fact Afterglow will pay to move it to their house in Brewster.Beside it being so large an object, it is blocking the front door making house moves impossible. So, it has been my priority to remove the piano to make our lives easier on moving days. I am doing dump runs with junk and old furniture that neither of us want (stored in the basement). I will photograph as I go so that I don’t get accused of destroying “marital property”. I sincerely doubt that in the few days she plans to send packers to the house that her people will be able to discern what junk can be discarded at the dump. Part and parcel of the heavy lifting needing doing. I have asked repeatedly about the Helena Christensen “Butik” cafe chairs, BBQ, and other such items in the basement especially that would fall into the discard pile. A place I know so well. No answers to this (or anything really). It’s still so strange to me that other people get to see her and spend time and share laughter and conversation with her—old friends, new friends, family, strangers. but I am blocked on all media platforms. I don’t get to see what she is doing. One can’t imagine how deep that hurt cuts into my soul. That I can’t be a part of what she’s doing, not even as aspectator. I was in it for better or worse. We had hard times in the past but they always abated and we just finally got to a place where it was going to be just the two of us and a new lease on life, new book, new company, new house, new chapter. And then the book closed in my face and all has been black sorrow downward falling death. Part of me is so never going to get over this. And still I have no choice but to move forward whatever that means. The loneliness is profound. just when i think I’ve hit the most painful part I plunge down further into sorrow and despair. I just wish I had my best friend and love of my life to talk to but alas. Still, my love for her is eternal and on some karmic level I suppose there must be a reason for all this pain.  In related news I think I might try and jump the line again and try and get booster sooner than later. I know my immune system must be shot after all these months of no sleep and dodgy eating. I suspect someone has already done so. I will watch the David Chappelle show and of course he mentions J.K.. Seriously what thing I watch doesn’t mention her or her characters or some expression from her oeuvre such as it is. It used to be such a blessing to know her and now it feels very much like a curse. She is everywhere I turn and all I’m reminded of is the added pain of her ostracization. It shouldn’t be the role of shared friends to take sides. I would never rally others around my solo cause as such, and I doubt my love did that, rather the rallying would have happened of its own accord. Such is the stuff of my life. One day I will write or perform my story. I have always been exactly who I am. What did others expect? And why were they so surprised. Such phobia involved in all of this.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Kippers

Libra 16° (October 8)

Day Fifty-Six E.D.A.N.O.W.W. Today was more of the same stress wise. I did see that Matt called I will call him back. I am about to take another month-long ride on the wagon and I’m pretty excited about that. I will see too apartments tomorrow. I need to figure out my self- storage. I wonder if I might be able to fit all that I want after all. I need to photograph the club chairs. I need to get rid of this furniture for sure. I need to figure out the rest of it. I can always keep the bulk in my car I suppose. And use a car covering. I can’t wait to get through this time to be honest. I should be able to make enough in the next 6 months to buy something small and move it somewhere safe. I don’t need very much anymore. If anything I am going to find that place inside myself that was so pure and so happy before all this life junked it up. I tried and I failed. I will never see most of my close friends again. I’m not being negative I am being honest. I need to dedicate my life now to something larger than myself. I feel used. And I feel used up. It’s just the truth. I have to begin a new love affair with moi-meme. The clarity will be necessary in the short term and it will be the foundation of the longterm. I could cry about our first getting a book deal and buying a house and moving to Cape Cod where our lives, we thought, were beginning. So many false beginnings. So much looking forward to a future that never materializes. At that time we literally bought the house with the white picked fence. We planned on having children. Our lives were beginning “late” in our mid thirties doing what our parents would have done blindly a decade younger. We were carried along this wave of hope for some time, but things have a way of changing out from under you, and that desired, aimed-for reality was not meant to be.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Pressing On

Libra 15° (October 7)

Day Fifty-Five E.D.A.N.O.W.W. Today is today. I slept the least I’ve slept in the longest time. I’m still binge-watching friends as a drug. I will continue the search for someplace to live. I will talk to Bonbon Sip. I will talk to my Yingling. There are really weird scenarios being presented. Some people sound like out and out frauds. PP will beam in and I will say I can’t meet and he’ll say “ok, good luck.” That’s great. I spent the day making chicken soup and otherwise trying to salvage the gard manger that I let go bad. I did an okay job but the avocados were completely gonzo. I am seeing one place tomorrow that I actually really want. It would be really quite amazing to be in the center of town in an inexpensive place for six months. I will get the next chapter of the book complete as best I can. I really am doing the best I can in the circumstances. I have tried to straighten out certain business problems just I tackle any and all aspects of this move. I need to get the piano out of my face that is for sure and I will try and make that a priority tomorrow along with looking at the various properties that require viewing. I told myself I would get caught up here and I will have spent all night, overnight, until nearly 5AM catching up to myself. I do not believe in letting things fall by the wayside. I have to move this all along. I hope like hell that the orange menace is going down. I want so much to get back into politics after this long hiatus. I have tackled a lot of what what is necessary to tackle today but I am aware of how much further I need to go. Also I’m fine with not going back in time to fill in gaps and yet the idea of writing poetry in the early hours and writing in my journal at the end of the night. The poetry is the same as the writing of the book. If I am writing from five-to-seven in the morning than starting my day and making breakfast and then spending six hours packing, I will get this job done. It does seem that some of the people showing me shit are a bit sleazy. I have one thing happening through an actual realtor and that is the person with whom I lan to go. I am making it work and I have the means to do it at present. I just need to move on. The 30th and 31st will be all about sorting out the books. And if I can confirm that S and her peeps and me with mine (D+A) can figure it all out together in the final days, and I can always crash with friends. I need to start polishing my connections and really rally the troops who love me behind me. I can use the evenings for this sort of social resolve that will be so very necessary. People are cancelled only if they let themselves be cancelled. There is a way to keep my head in the game and get this world working in such a way that works for all the folks in my own orbit. I have to start thinking about all the things I can do in the name of love (of the self kind). I am and must be officially at that place. I have cried my eyes out every night for months now and I will continue to do so. But at the same time I have to start doing the opposite. Am I supposed to be watching the Squid Game?

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Can It Be

Libra 14° (October 6)

Day Fifty-Four E.D.A.N.O.W.W. Data configuration with statistical factoring. That’s what Chandler does. The reunion revealed that we never know his job, but that is a lie. I will take myself out for Mexican night tonight. And I will make an awkward statement about holding a baby and how it made my loins surge as if the smell of a baby’s head, when I was in my twenties, had a biological reaction. It went over like a lead balloon. I need to figure out some form of income. I had a major kerfuffle with the sigother over one of our ventures. It is ridiculous. I have tried so hard all summer to gain clarity and get no answers. The sabotage is real. I do all in my power to be forthcoming and transparent and all I get is silence. The book deal went to crap. I fear for the TV project and now the other shared ventures are bordering on toxicity. I also have to get out of fetal position and start finding some place to live as of November 1 that isn’t my car. I haven’t felt like my true self for eons now. I didn’t while things were still intact during the pandemic and now WTF? I have dedicated my whole adult life to the duo that was our brand. I never stopped to think of myself as a sol entity. The only time I did something solo (barely) was when I had to speed write a solo show to replace an entitled fuck face snotnose motherfucker of a performer. No, honestly, I really like him. I am not enough of a narcissist to be a performer. And yet I think this is when it might actually happen. She sends me this note about how simple everything is and how I shouldn’t break my back. Oh, okay. So you are going to haul all this shit away? You’re going to make thirty runs to the dump? I don’t think so. I have some leads on a place but mainly they are fairy favors and not real. It is a very odd world in which we live. I just think that putting everything in storage is the only way to go. I have wanted to be footloose and fancy free, just not as an alone person. I wanted to be a twosome doing it. I’m doing my best to not panic. I am going to completely nail this move. I am going to end up in my car with multiple suitcases and if I have to go far north to find a deal I will do so. 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Agent Of The Devil

Libra 13° (October 5)

Day Fifty-Three E.D.A.N.O.W.W. Probably the second worse day of my life. I get this weird text from would-be landlord overnight saying he wants to speak. We just spoke yesterday so I responded, knowing he can be eccentric, that we just spoke yesterday remember. He said something like “I reiterate, call me” which was a bit hostile and weird. So I call him today and he is suddenly Mr. Hyde and the whole of our negotiations all summer long go to shit and he says the deal is off and hangs up on me. I go into shock. My muscles stiffen so much so that I can’t move and I can’t even type or anything. I go fetal. I have chest pains. I dial 911 on my phone and only resist hitting the call button. I tried to reach out to the one loved one and I did get a message back which meant the world. I take what I can get. And seriously it was touch and go all day long. I can’t leave the house. My muscles are so stiff I can barely walk. I can venture a grilled cheese sandwich and that’s all I can muster for the day. I draft emails to my love and to my lawyer both. And then my internet goes down. Xfinity has an outage for basically nine hours. I am in a house, after going fetal, feeling as I’m dying, and then I have no phone or internet or TV. It really is a dire day. I cry for most of it. All I can do is put on Friends reruns and binge in the fetal position. I muster some cottage cheese. I will be up all night. I am realizing I have spent a thousand dollars eating out this past month and feel weird about it. Then I realize I haven’t taken a vacation in….hmmm? I think the last time was 2019. So fuck it. Not only am I allowed a staycation, but I can also splurge on eating out because cooking for myself has become so fucking depressing. I make food and then when it’s ready I cry and eat two bites. I miss our long beach walks. I miss all the banal things. The little things meant the most and the fact they aren’t missed makes me realized how little investment. I need to reclaim myself. That’s the bit I need to start to comprehend. If my high school friends new I was still crying every night and writing long emails begging and pleading for reconciliation, I would be kicked out of the New Jersey club. The truth of the matter is that the people from my earliest beginnings have been the freaking best. I adore living on Cape Cod, and in New England in general, but the people I grew up with have the most empathy and understanding. We did not grow up as stoics like these folks have. And what’s been revealed is how much like things folks from my roots I’m ike. I was looking at my Instagram versus other’s Instagram. Mine is filled with photos of my loved one. I barely made an appearance in my sigother’s. Not that I can be exact. Because I’ve been blocked. I still can’t get over the fact I’ve been blocked. Once I get through this I am going to emerge way different than I’ve been. I should like to go deep into the next fortnight. I have to make this shit happen. I cannot go fetal any more. That creep will pay. I don’t have to do anything. He will get his. I will learn he has mental health issues and I am compassionate but this day takes the fucking cake.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

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