Scorpio 6° (October 29)

I crashed last evening at about six thirty as S. caught up on all the television I’d already seen. Then I woke at midnight and read about eighty pages of a book about Self Help For Your Nerves. Mine are shot and I really needed it. On top of all we did to get the sample in yesterday, we also had a little rehearsal with our lawyer for an upcoming deposition. I am undaunted by that. My main concern is what to wear. Word came from D+N that we will speak on Friday. Which reminds me I need to get Jim all the times we are on Skype this week so we are not disturbed by his carpentry. I’ll make a note to do that in the morning. S. was on ca call by eight thirty. I cleaned and got stuff ready for a dump run a small grocery shopping list together. I made some celery soup, some salmon cakes, a reconstituted stew (S. made some quinoa) and I made a homemade ketchup for tomorrow’s snack/lunch. I made a comprehensive to-do list and then found myself going through upstairs closets. The truth is most of the clothes up there need to be thrown away—and as time goes on I realize I am really quite weird in that I can’t seem to throw very much in the bin. I’m not a hoarder per se but something is going on.

Ted ended up popping over—he brought a Dior book from the exhibit, apparently carting it all the way from London. I need to write to J+I. I also need to get some gummy action going or maybe buy some more oil for myself. I’m finding CBD to be very soothing indeed. We have some good options for Paris now and I think we will be able to book flights and make a plan in the coming days. We need to start working on your costumes for New Year. I really don’t like fancy dress parties at all, but I do like seeing my friends so they are worth the humiliation. Anyway I made a list of things that need to happen this week: Get bank balances. Get a fix on wardrboe. Think about what to do for end of year donation plea. Create text for the Vaudeville tour. Do final report for the MCC grant. Put together VSB grant. Approve the business cards. Make some sort of reaction to the D+M work. Friend the twenty-summers folk. Write JCM (which I did). Work on audience for Witch Camp. Suss out voice recognition technology. There are many more things to tackle but it will all happen in due time. Today I made the decision that I want to be happy. I have hit an emotional rock bottom of sorts (which is better than the other kinds out there) without any spin down other than an internal one. You would never know it. To see me I am the picture of absolute functionality.

I’m just going to talk crap for awhile. I used not to care about, say, present friendships or the like. For instance, back in the day, say, when I was going off to study in Grenoble my junior year abroad, or when I moved to Paris, or when I moved to New York City, I wasn’t so fixated on the dearth of friendship in my life. I didn’t think about it at all; and I actually need not to think about it again. I just need to move forward, not care who does or does not like me, and just act as if I don’t have a care in the world with, or about, anybody. I have long been fascinated at how people in cliques and tribes can actually enjoy seeing the same people day in and day out, getting drunk and stoned and sleeping into the day (this applies to one grouping of individuals in particular) and I finally have the answer: it is a validation that things needn’t change, that they can remain exactly as is, without challenge or question. I am moving on now at this point in my life and I truly couldn’t be happier to do so. I am one big long new moon energy right now. The more I do the more I can do and I intend to do just that. I think I’ve been waiting around for that excited feeling when in fact it is in my power to create it.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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