Cancer 10° (June 30)

Yes of course it is natural to want to escape right now; but that is the challenge: to stay in the picture. In the coming days I will fully deconstruct the Virgo Woman sample chapter in the process of getting our motor running on a new book. My mind goes to: I wonder when JK’s book comes out with its astrological theme. I am putting the note to Harper on hold because they got the copyright copy corrected and the rest will keep. And I will save the deep-dive note to Meg for later too. It is good that I got a jump on all of that stuff in any case. I will put that together next July and I will work on the 2022 books in October and November, giving myself just that long to put it all out there. I remind myself of June 7 Blague notes. Would be good to get some kind of banner on the cover. Also to have a chat about our relationship, overall. I just realized that the copy in the contract about option still didn’t reflect the change we made about samples. That pisses me off a bit but I will cross that bridge when we come to it. Oh well what are you going to do. That will be less work I’ll have to do moving forward after that. I wish I could get to England and get my stuff but I don’t think that is going to happen today, which is fine. I am going to put some dosh into home studio for artist podcast “Afterglow Underground” type of thing. Could use a producer on that score. It will happen if I just prioritize and stop procrastinating. This can be one of the most fruitful times on personal record and I’d like to profiter, quoi. Last night I had such a wave of missing Paris (home) which of course is another manifestation of my dreams being all but completely centered there. I need to sort out all my notebooks and such so that I can start getting chapter materials catalogued as I go. I write this and get a visitation and now my mood is completely shot to shit. A visitation of hopelessness that only makes me feel more trapped. What is the point of any of this I suddenly feel. Way to kill a mood. But I try to be compassionate and to offer up some kind of support while realizing how little I have left to give.

That said here I am at the end of the month, writing this Blague and trying to make a dent moving forward. But for today, I can just take it a bit slowish, moving at the pace of my physical and emotional body. I keep setting what I hope are realistic goals for myself. Honestly I don’t know how it is people plow through the way they do. I think of myself as prolific for the most part and then I pause to wonder, perhaps not. And what a glorious feeling it is to be creative and to do a job well and on time and to be remunerated for it while also having time to cook and clean and exercise and all that fun stuff. What needs to go, then, are any habits that even slightly smack of self-destruction. They serve nothing but the gods of depression and anxiety. I did reach out and sort out all the mishogas regarding the hotel reservations. I just heard no travel to Canada now for the remainder summer. We are so fucked and have to make a solid plan for escape because I don’t think it is safe for us to stay here. A one way ticket out seems like, well, the ticket. We are still owed flights from airline that fucked us over in March, not answering their phones, then cancelling our passage (good synonym work).  I feel depressed about this whole thing but I have got to keep on keeping on. We have two clients today and I have got to make hay today while the sun shines. As we always do. Although I do feel the cumulative effect of it all right now and I’m not that concerned about outcomes per se. I can see the organization and the streamlining happening around me even though I might be playing chicken somewhat with the reality of the work in front of me. The trick will be to write three pages a day for five days which isn’t that much to ask; and then to work on the dumpart “show” in the Afterglow underground. There will be funds to pursue and there will be changes needing making.

Someone wrote on one of my social media posts to which I said the following: I could not agree with you more on all you say. 45 aside, it is narcissism that drives all of this. We have been conditioned to think/act as such. In a country that doesn’t provide health care and education as rights not privileges (unlike guns so to militarize a vastly uneducated populace) thus fostering a me-first culture, dog eat dog, grabby consumerist without any sense of a we-spirit andsocial responsibilty to others, we thus get the range of characters we do all under the heading of personal privilege whether we are on a soap box about what visitors to Ptown should or shouldn’t do or brandishing guns not masks throughout the sun belt, we have had it sooo wrong for sooo long and we are seeing the truth of that in the face of a global health crisis where our most malignant manifestation of narcissistic psychopathy is pulling out (or pretending to) the WHO, another expression of personal hubris over collective care and compassion.

The following blocks of text are exceprts from my first year of  Blagues, nos. 481-485. I am reading through all of my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, by the time I get to my seventh, I will have journeyed through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize. Year seven, I’ll only have to read through year six, once a day.  (For thirty days this paragraph will include this parentheses to say: I realized that in the summer of 2016 I actually didn’t post for some time, such that for the expanse of two months, I will continue to number the past Blagues, as above, five at a time, but there will be nothing to post from that period.)

(Crickets)

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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