Scorpio 2° (October 25)

Do you ever feel sad that we are no longer friends or is that the difference between you and me. I have come up with eight rough pages which are now being read; and I’m a little terrified they’re going to be perceived as sub par. Would I love it if someone said “this is great”? Yes I would. But as I type this at the end of the day I am confident in the inkling that such hopes will be dashed. Well fuck it. I can only do what I can do. I don’t need to be alive forever, first of all. The world is more in crisis than people know. S. gets it. She is the canary in the coalmine in any case. I went downstairs and she had read two pages of eight and had made a lot of notes and I thought oh fuck. But then she casually says toward the end of our brief conversation that she thinks that this book is going to be themasterpiece. I can live with that. It’s Friday night and if you listen to local radio that means Lady Di. You know, in memory of what I thought was a friendship I’m going to send you this most important message: You will take back all evil intentions directed toward me. They will not lodge in me. And I forgive you the fact that you have brain issues, part and parcel of which “imagines” other people do. Everyone in the world seems to be crazy and you’re the only sane cracker? I don’t think so. I like the idea of calling my friends crackers; surely it can be the white version of another word I’m not allowed to utter. Or is this now sounding a little supremicisty? We wouldn’t want that. And I don’t think it would be equivalent really. I mean I think it’s more funny than anything else.

I will work steadily over the weekend to bring this project home. There are specific managerial-editing tasks I need to outline and execute before taking on notes from S.’s reading process. The trick is to do do less and be more. I will admit I am bloody exhausted. But I am nearing the end so I needn’t worry my head too much about it. I think I will save as and sort of start a new document now so I can keep the rough one as a record. Would that I could get all four or five pages in the can today that would be incredible. As a rule Virgo needs to be more aspirational in relationships. We will flag to M.T. that some main-text information will ultimately be better served, removed from the main body and put into sidebars. What do pigs symbolize? They are associated with the sign of Virgo for myriad reasons. I can feel the need, on a spiritual level, to be less “full”. I don’t know if I can explain this to you, really. I just miss the emptiness I used to feel at times when I have given myself over to spiritual practice. I don’t want to be stuck today . I need to remind myself of the connection between Pandora and Mary Magdalene. I did find one point of connection but I will have to look even closer. I am doing the best I can but I have to say that I am feeling slightly overwhelmed by all of this. However I do seem to be making progress; and my hope is that by the end of the day onSunday I will have made a success of this. I imagine that much of what I’ll have to say (to report here) on Monday morning will constitute notes to M.T. and tomorrow and Sunday will likely consist of material needed to round out this project.

It is perfectly normal to get to the phase in the work and feel rather exhausted by it. I have to figure out why it is that the barn gets all that attention. It seems like such a scam to me but what do I know. But who am I to judge. It just saddens me that I can’t seem to be able to capture the kind of attention they do on the non-profit front. I need a new outlook I that me thinks. Also this needs to be the last day of saying anyting negative on here I think. It really doesn’t serve me to grouse and I’m just going to let go of that. I am so looking forward to spending a few months abroad. It is just the kind of remedy I need me thinks. I will get a few things done here today and then take another final deep breath and push through. We have been having fun and night so that is a boon. But by the new moon Sunday I need to make a switcheroo. This is likely the most boring post I’ve ever written. I have many book ideas and such up my sleeve and I look forward to getting them into works. I think it would make good sense for me to get my grants in order during this final week of October, then to use November to put together the 2021 books so that I can work on them just once a week, is all I need to do. It is odd that I did a sho w this year at festival. I do which I had more consistent support from folks but I can only do as best I can. I will reach out to all the names on that list and see if I can drum up some more support from them for the coming year as I launch my new operation. It will be so nice, this time next year to be set back up in a city.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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