Scorpio 1° (October 24)

Saw the Judy film last night and meh. The singing was nothing like Judy. They should have hired Mary Birdsong to sing as Renee lipsynched over her vocals anyway. I felt kind of amazing upon waking and then I felt really strange. Like spaced out, weirdly. It is possible I took too much of something that is supposed to be good for me. Let’s just leave it at that. I do have the opportunity to come through for myself in the next couple of days and that really is what I intend to do. Come rain or come shine. I understand that procrastination (so-called) can be part of the process, but I’m feeling extra so and teetering on the edge a bit. I know the root cause is having other stuff to simultaneously focus on, which can fritz out the old brain a bit. But I will have enough down by the end of the day tomorrow to at least make some kind of presentation to you know who. I think the most important thing to do is to get rid of all the excess. To try and stay in the house for another year or so. To focus on the business address pretty much solely, to let the two businesses share that and to allocate some of the nonprofit funds for the house, meanwhile amping up operations on that score in any case. Of course if there is a chunk advance in the next year then we don’t need to stay put we can immediately move into that and rent can be paid to that location slash mortgage—it would also be paid for by the other two businesses as well as they would have a stake, at that point, in two locations. And by then we could actually downsize to a smaller city dwelling. I think that might be the best bet overall. I’m bringing this up because it is on the docket for the weekend and I want to get my ducks in a row before the new moon on Sunday.

I can pretty much predict how this day will go I will probably get to about page eight and then will have to finish up tomorrow, which is fine. So long as we have something to work on over the weekend we can make some magic and wow, wow, wow. Wouldn’t it be nice to marry the completion of this material to the ritual we have planned for Sunday because they really do go hand in hand. Oh to ace this phase of life. I know it requires a real presence of mind and a little bit of a makeover (as well as a doever). But today the aching is real. Truly real. I don’t know what else to say really except that I fear it will derail me. It always gets me into trouble this in ability to focus half way through a project. That’s really where I am. I suppose I should take stock of what I’m doing en route to moving the needle forward. I guess I can do that now for the next hour:

The first page is something of a snapshot. Alchemy and navel gazing. The vagary of her internal messaging system. Cartoon bubble, mechanical blinking. Taking a powder, baffling agony aunts and unks. Page two: Self help, embodying loss. Dealing with and creating voids. Emotional intelligence, being a collage, a borrower, the myth of Pandora. I’m concerned that by the third page we are being too repetitive from things we’ve written before but that might just be my projected fear on the subject. Still I’m willing to move through this. The original mama’s girl the myth of Kore. Her emotional intelligence cut its teeth on the mother-daughter dynamic which is loaded. Page four: we are talking about mutable-earth and the power to mold and conform. Prone to victim mentality, especially in sibling context. Being Svengali’d, developing a Wendy complex. Page five: mind body connection, the spica…anyway I managed to get through page eight but I’m not quite sure how it’s going to go in the end the chapter bits might actually end up being for pages total which would make the whole thing thirteen pages; but I’m thinking maybe the last page can mainly be about action items (either as part of the main text or in sidebars, we would represent the Rxs. Maybe we need to say Rx in the proposal proeper. Lots to chew on actually. We will see what we will see. I feel obliged (as I often do) to make this longer than it needs be. But I will tell you this: we are definitely in process, and so we should be. I miss my grandmother. That is a very specific feeling I rarely experience. I wonder why she is hitting me right now. I don’t even get visitations from my mother let alone hers. It’s just one of those things I guess. WE are about to start zeroing in on what is what in the book world. I will be interested to find out one way or ahnother. BH seems to sail through his experience, attacking/attaching to the people I know. I’m going to stop.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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