Taurus 27° (May 16)

Last night was Faggy Friday and we watched all things queer on the television. I love We’re Here, really quite hardhitting. Okay where to begin today. I woke up at one o’clock from a nightmare about my mother. I went by the house where she was living alone (she always lives alone, my father lives elsewhere, having abandoned her on some level). The house was very much like the first house in Provincetown on Law Street. Those were the days in so many ways. I see lights on in the main room and as I walk around the far side of the house there is a screened porch of sorts with lights on there too, overhead, and the table is filled with cakes of various kinds, and there is a plate with a slice of cake or pie. There is nobody there. I walk around back and my mother’s cat is outside. (In real life, when the cat was little over a year old, I did find the cat out back behind our rented summer house in Belmar.) Mother either was dead inside or had wandered off, the thought of it swirling me back to the surface of consciousness.

Ultimately I fell back asleep and then awoke with another nightmare: I was flying my 1985 Mercedes 300D slash a plane and it was just the two of us on it; and I found I could let it ride and we could fall asleep which we did; I think I dozed off in any case; and when I awoke the carplane was flying super low and (how?) directly over a highway, specifically on one side of the Hudson, I want to say Newark or the swirling ribbons of highway that make up the entire construct in and around getting in and out of that airport and all of that region, where I grew up, but where, I know, now would terrify me. And probably it is due to the trauma of my driving instructor, George. Back to the dream: We are coming in low and I have to pull up but before I can do that I have to get into the driver’s seat of the Mercedes (which might only become the Mercedes at this point in the dream—it might’ve been something more resembling a plane before that). Anyway we are touching down and onto the very left side of a multi lane highway but there is a large car or small truck already in the lane into which we are coming down so we have to pull over onto the half shoulder while the cartruck stops short, in fact, as I write this it triggers more memory, I come down alongside him but first I find myself running alongside the obviously not to fast moving car and jumping into the driver’s seat and then looking over at the person in hisher car I almost landed upon and sort of giving each other what for knowing these were extenuating circumstances and we didn’t either of us actually feel the hostility we were displaying one for the other and there might even have been the curling of the corners of our lips in smiles we refused and turned away.

I’m impressed with myself for doing as much as I did. I’m actually in the mood to take a shower. It’s actually all okay. We are initiating a heritage foundation. I don’t think I took that shower. We sat outside with blankets once the sun was setting and had some wine. As S. had a Zoom chat with her Eurogirls, she had an early wine cocktail and I took that as my cue to follow suit soon after. Surely, I’m not being as functional as I can be but I am attempting to offer whatever I can to the community and so forth. I got tired of reaching out to the phony baloneys of the world. We sat outside and I made a lovely cod with minted green beans and sweet potato fries. I was telling S. about the end of the plans for the festival and how I plan to pivot. Still no word back on the branding project I completed. I’m looking to get some cash through the account. It doesn’t feel that comfortable that things are going to reopen to be honest. We live in one of the hardest hit states, number four on the list. I only have a few days to get into this new project that is now on my plate and in that time will begin our own private thirty-three days of lententime. And so it goes. I’m proud of the work I’m doing and I look forward to getting everything moving today. I’ve all but chucked the people from my life who contribute nothing, or those who are pretending behind their frosty natures. If this time teaches us anything it is not to give a fuck.

The following blocks of texs are exceprts from my first year of  Blagues, nos. 281-285  I am reading through all my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, but the time I get to my seventh, I will have through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize:

Once again: There was nothing worth posting from the five older Blagues I read today. It has been really helpful to get an idea of what the content has been over the last five years. The first year was very much about the Sabian Symbols (see below), the bulk of that material I don’t want to post in this slot. And I’m nearly through that year so, once I get into the Blagues from 2016, there will be a lot more to post here (which is a good thing because I won’t have time to write a lot à la minute as we just got a new book deal and that is where my effort and attention is going!

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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