Libra 24° (October 16)
Coming out of it even more today. I am going to use today’s new moon as major power. Sometimes perhaps it’s good to have a focus in the form of a target for evil to fight. I wrote this big long thing but I’m not going to share it today because frankly I don’t have to. I am going for a six page a day schedule now at this point with alternating yoga and taking things to the dump. That is how I am going to combat this crap. I’m going to put all the metal in one place and then slowly lose all the clothes and shoes that I no longer wear. There is no point in hanging onto anything anymore. If anything we will start the process of a great exodus over the coming months. That’s just the way this is going to go. I have played fast and loose in certain regards for far too long in any case and now I must use the next three and one half months to truly blow this out of the water in a way I have never done in the past. It is crucial that I give myself the gift of this. I need to build emotional muscle in the face of what is coming up and I know that if I am in my best head then I will meet the challenges in the correct way.
The following blocks of text are exceprts from my first year of Blagues, nos. 996-1000. I am reading through all of my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, by the time I get to my seventh, I will have journeyed through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize. Year seven, I’ll only have to read through year six, once a day.
I’m thinking around this time that I want to start sliding into home. I know I’m working hard but am overwhelmed, as evidenced by a need to go the Cook Shop for some kind of adventure. If all I had to do all day was write it might be fun. I am actually longing for that kind of time ahead. I don’t mind it being another year away to be honest.
It’s been so good to feel that my pasts regret are buried deep in the cemetary of get over yourself. Life really is so much simpler than we make it. And it’s more beautiful. And we have to be flexible and spread things out for sure. I have make an effort to be more than abstemious when it comes to all forms of self indulgence.
At this point I’m still processing the trip which really just happened. I have to say I really loved Miami and would totally take myself there next time someone wants some time away from me. It could be quite the blast me thinks. But I generally want more of that. I need to begin to visualize it happening and to create my own little transporter room at the top of the stairs. I need to feel more relaxed (and get my bood pressure down) and to dream and scheme and roll around the attic of my brain. I need to be fearless.
I have been a so-called orphan now for over twelve years nearly and let’s face it, abandoned long ago on that score, most poignantly with the onset of mother’s memory loss. But the panic attacks are gone for the most part; they which once killed me beginning to decades ago. I can still go there but I am not gripped with fear and dread with a bright orange glare in the backs of my eyes. For one writing is a form of relasaction now as opposed to a process of endless siezing up.
And I’m coming up on having a lot to say. About a great many things. At the same time I am well aware of where I can sleep into the kind of mania that could turn my office into a bit of production design for A Beautiful Mind.
All I keep telling myself is that this will soon be over. Burping smoke. And I will be aligned in my day with enough time and space to make the proper, designated posts and observations. My one goal now is, by January 2019, to have shifted the base of the international consultancy to Paris so to align with our fashion clients whom, we know, have to be in that great city at least twice a year. Otherwise it’s Cape Cod and Boston, and the occasional New York City and Los Angeles. Done. So easy. A nice two bedroom in Paris where we can meet our clients and host the odd guest. A place to gift to friends, especially those, who have likewise gifted us over the years. A little bit of Parisian heaven but a great big chunk of living. So easy to get to Edinburgh and London and Zurich and Geneva and Marseille to visit friends. A chance to explore all of that beautiful country which has always been a spiritual home. An announcement to the world: Starsky + Cox have set up shop in Paris and Provincetown, splitting their time. What a glorious gift to myself. I dare say I can afford it now, in some form, even on what little bit I have put away. I have never been a materialist, much to my own chagrin at times. I traded that for freedom. But what good is freedom unless you take it.
I was meditating on the six of wands in the Tarot which begs the question: Am I prepared for the responsibility this public success and exposure implies? I have to say I think I am. If not a bit over ready. In my mind I know I am, but, okay Tarot, I get it: am I ready in spirit. Am I equal to my dreams? Is that what you’re asking me? Fuck you. Who are you to ask me anything, Tarot? It is me that does the asking. You got that? But you’re right.
Feeling this distinct difference between my mind, which races ahead, creating a disconnect, and my spirit which instead begs for nurture and doesn’t want to go anywhere it till it gets it, I demur…demurr?…it’s not demure. Anyway, I beg off non-chalantly, embracing my confidence issues. But this is part of getting confidence back. This is part of the reclamation. I know there is no such thing as catching up in life, just like there is no such thing as getting behind; but I am apparently engaged in both dynamics simultaneously, such that it is enough to make any Mage’s head spin.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360 degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2020 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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