Leo 18° (August 7)

The first thing I have to do is start taking inventory and start taking stock of where I am in my creative process. I have managed to do all the research I need to do and can put aside Sextrology for awhile, it was a long time coming and like pulling teeth most of the time but its done and that’s a good thing. I am bloody well exhausted and I’m licking a few more wounds—pretty much done with that; how people can treat people lousy during times as tough as these is beyond me; and I’m simply tired of dusting myself off and trying all over again. So I need to now deconstruct the process of the sample writing which should go fairly smoothly. I have to get some reckonings from the bank and get myself to the dump for sure. And I am gearing up for a month on the wag after a pretty wine-y time but while it served me then it won’t serve me now and I am pretty happy for the opportunity to get some clarity over the next week. These next eight entries are thus named because I am eight days “behind” but also want to forge forward so I’m filling these in as I go and using this as a sort of bulletin board for what is really needing doing and moreover how to do it. It’s all good as they say. One milestone in this process achieved and now the rest should be fairly motivating.

If I do all the set up first day of each week-one I can then read the Blague Bits for that sign at the end of day one and just make that a fun and easy read. It is just super important right now not to overthink (anything). I just need to put some things in some kind of order. 1. Read the sample chapter once through making notes like this is where we talk about how the person is x, y, z. Then read the starter kit for that person and note where material from that slotted into the sample chapter. Then read all the surrounding general notes and even make a nice beginning list of sidebar ideas. Then try to find the bits that we put aside to save, as per M.’s instruction, for what would be a book introduction. Then go back and make some notes, from the larger starter kit and the “deconstruction” what was still left unsaid for the VW chapter that could fill out that chapter when the time comes to do so. I will likely use all the desk space on the second floor to map out. We might also think about creating some kind of “mad libs” thing from the sample chapter that we could rif off of and get ideas flowing. It’s going to kick off quite a meditative time, not to mention a return to Bikram. And bring on the teeth whitening. Meanwhile I am keeping an extremely low profile vis a vis the visitors to Provincetown. They come to town in any case, doing what they do, and never even think to let me know they are in town. So, with love, I needn’t put myself out. I’ve already paid at the proverbial office.

A nemesis is different from an enemy whom we’re hard pressed to love. A nemesis is so antithetical to us as to be like antimatter, threatening a total eradication of self, seeking spiritual death in a sense. That was just something I found written on a piece of scrap paper and thought I would throw that paper away but preserve the idea somewhere (here). Sunday the sixteenth is going to be tough. (You see, that is the actual time I am writing this.) Because I will have come off going through the process of reading Sextrology inventory what was said, as not to repeat ourselves, but also to take stock of things that need updating—this, I thought, would be a one time process, but I realize now that I will have to go through it again in about six months time, which is fine. We want to update our version of the book and hopefully the publisher will too. We will make the case. But I’m not really pushing for anything. Anyway, that process will be done and I’ll be gearing up to actually begin the drafting process. In all, each sign will have a fortnight of work to do. Meanwhile…I stopped to write down some notes so I have no idea how to finish that sentence. Anyway, reading the book in a sense was retraumatizing because it was so hard to come up with something that big as a first time author, and we were not helped at all, really, along the way. People could have been so much nicer to us than they were. Also it was so ahead of its time and now it is so dated in so many ways, the world having changed so drastically in such a relatively short period of time. We are all feeling that with the dysfunctional and abusive being in power in any case, and not being able to leave the country, and people isolating which becomes a sort of excuse for not reaching out and touching others, which is hurtful. People continue to be (probably more) hurtful, and though I have turned the corner on feel bad being excluded from certain enclaves over time, scapegoated for having the searing insight I do into people, their glaring imperfections going largely unnoticed by other, it is convenient at this point to gaslight and ghost. And I say I am over it but it will be Sunday the sixteenth and I will be staring down a full year from that point of now really writing, in the midst of these lonely times, coming off an otherwise laissez faire time of drinking more wine than I usually would, giving it up for at least a month now for the sake of health and clarity and that Sunday feeling of melancholy will be augmented a hundred fold.

The following blocks of text are exceprts from my first year of  Blagues, nos. 676-680. I am reading through all of my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, by the time I get to my seventh, I will have journeyed through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize. Year seven, I’ll only have to read through year six, once a day.  (For thirty days this paragraph will include this parentheses to say: I realized that in the summer of 2016 I actually didn’t post for some time, such that for the expanse of two months, I will continue to number the past Blagues, as above, five at a time, but there will be nothing to post from that period.)

(Crickets)

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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