Pisces 12° (March 2)
There is something to be said for optimism in all its forms. As I sit here in my cold office in early March I feel myself a hinge that’s turning. I can easily look at this past year as having taken something of a toll, but I also see that my recovery is easy and should be rather speedy, that I haven’t given too much into winter and it’s frosty reduction. I’m also incredibly impressed with the fact that I have moved the spoon pretty readily but now I have to put all the pieces together which, really, shouldn’t be so hard.
In these next eight or nine Blagues I am going to have to express (to myself) what my days are going to be like under the new routine. I know that I will need to Blague daily so to never get into this situation again. But I also have to “man my station” in regard to all the social media and so forth I will need to create. I will need to strip my walls of paper and map out what might be the structure of a show which I really must begin to write by Monday if I’m going to have this enterprise be successful. I so don’t want to disappointment myself this year.
I fear that I will repeat the patterns of others’ abuse of me, self-inflicted, you know. That’s how it happens. I am proud that I stood up for myself in situations that were not sustainable with others; but, as a result, I tend to isolate and that is just self-punishment really. So I have to make an effort to stay in the picture. My confidence isn’t exactly at its peak at present so I need to do some work on the score as well. I’ll get there. It’s not always easy, but I will get there. I really want to prioritize health in the coming months. It really is time for me to go deeper in that realm. If only because I’ve been a tad lax for too long. Amazing that my health can be as good as it is. Although certain things tend to be all over the map. I still harbor the teen-age notion that I can just chill for a week and lose ten pounds. I mean it is amazing that my body still has some semblance of snapping back, but it surely isn’t as reliable as it used to be that’s for sure.
Still, I’m doing okay. And any minute now I’ll be able to take my daily walks and do my daily hot yoga. It will be three years since the accident where we were rearended on the highway, our car totalled, and our bodies put through such a fucking ringer. And the insurance company tries to keep us from any kind of recompense. We will sue that young woman and we will make her an example of the evils of texting and driving. She has messed with Starsky + Cox, after all, and I pity the poor fool who does that.
Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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