Libra 15° (October 9)
Well needless to say today wasn’t a great day. All I could do, really, was watch Dick Van Dyke all morning and afternoon. The evening will culminate in a nice salmon dinner and some back and forth on all the emotion. There is actually a lot going on. I don’t understand people saying be straight with me. I shudder to think things only take three weeks. I would have imagined they require a helluva lot more than that. I don’t think I quite understood the process here. It really shouldn’t matter as all will come right round in the end. But why is it I always end up feeling like the bad guy when I’m not. Maybe I just don’t know how to properly relate to people in the way others can. That is entirely possible after all. I going to inhale one more time and then take this baby home for another twenty minutes. Holy merde is this baby actually going to wait until tomorrow. I think that’s okay. There is one more place that is now off limits. I am happy I had a weirdly manifesting French day, though. I went to the mechanics only to discover that everyone there spoke French; and then after a few oysters at Macs, on my way home, I questionably stopped at this other place, where I sat down next to a French baker and chatted. I really like him. I started following him on Instagram. He’s Adidas obsessed. I will have to send him that Adrien Below song. I wonder if Adrian Wills…Willis?..is still alive. When I was still nineteen I think or I dunno maybe twenty—I remember almost exactly what I was wearing, I can tell you that. I took the train myself to Florence and stayed at a pensione that doubled as a cat house. I thought I would go off and meet someone Italian. Instead I took up with the English bloke who was older and funny. And when I went to London with S. and friends that Christmas he took me to the Black Cab or was it Cat, I really can’t remember. He was a very nice fellow, tall and blond. And I was just a kid and he was trying to mentor me in gay philosophy I think although my mind would not quite go there. Such is the way of things.
I am going to take five more minutes to write this next paragraph. You have to understand what desperate measures I seem needing to make. I want to go back to Boston soon and spend some time with S. in Back Bay tootsing around. Maybe I’ll add an extra night. I really do want to have some good clean fun in the tiny city. I am almost tempted to walk to the North End. I’m just in that kind of mood if you know what I mean. I think I will spend the next month being super good to myself so that I can be superbad in Boston. It is one of my favorite cities and to be honest I’d often sooner tool around there then NYC, which will never cease being my home. But so many homes really. We will be in Paris for three months and get things majorly cooking. My sense is that work with the sister might have prevented some inroads from being made. I don’t want anybody to be disappointed. I want to think people’s hearts are in things. I’m glad to hear people are still feeling motivated. I’m sure the cautioning was correct. I think timing, being what it is, takes on different forms. I think that maybe we are ending up doing the right thing after all. It’s heard to know what the experience might be. Just a page or two no great brief or anything. Phase one, two and three. That kind of works for me. We can skip the news if we so choose. Should we just watch Chris Hayes and Rachel. Is that a better plan. I wish I knew. I’m still on two days ago, which isn’t all that bad really. I mean, I could use yesterday and today and, ultimately, tomorrow to start the ball rolling. It wouldn’t be that tragic. Or I could start everything two days hence and finish all I have to do.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360 degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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