Sagittarius 10° (December 2)
I woke up rather late and that is really okay. I’m still not on a fast track and there will be drama this day. I think I felt that innately. First let me say that I got myself back to sleep after being up in the night by invoking all that are available to me. I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me before but I am definitely wrapping myself in certain protection and power and I don’t have to go this process alone, that is a misconception. Eminences have made themselves known, not to me but close, in the past and it suddenly dawned on me that I can open some major channels. Sometimes you have to back off to go forward. We sent a note back to the publisher with guidance from our agent and so that will just have to play out the way it plays out. In other news it became clear that my anonymity was blown but I do think that it will have a positive effect. We shall see. All is a question mark and I need to step away from all of this, as I do. We will go and get a tree and put it up and make ourselves a lovely final dinner of faux pasta until after our next trip to Cambridge. I am slowly going through, taking inventory of the contents of the basement and cataloguing on route to moving. I don’t want to have to think about any of this, really, until September at the very earliest. Sometimes you just have to step away and let some information in. I do think that I am on the right track on that score. We are narrowed down when it comes to where to look for a place to hang our hat for awhile. And thus we are open to any synchronicity that might strike. The tree went up the lights went on and we had a magical evening. I am lost in real estate porn and it is becoming quite the distraction I can ill afford, so I will have to sacrifice this particular addiction to move things along. I’m happy to be back in more spiritual a mode in the face of all this nonsense.
The following blocks of text are exceprts from my first year of Blagues, nos. 1226-1230 I am reading through all of my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, by the time I get to my seventh, I will have journeyed through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize. Year seven, I’ll only have to read through year six, once a day.
I was asking myself today what would a perfect day be like. I think it would be me rising for an hour by myself, having some tea or water, and tweeting out some S +C thought in the morning in regard to the cosmic weather or positioning. I might then go and read of my old Blague on the Sabian Symbol, and more about that symbol in general. Then write a few lines about it for the Blue Book. These thoughts may or may not be represented in the new Blague, or I may again link back, looping through again for another year. Anyway I would open my daily Blague file and have it open most of the day just to keep writing into—various thoughts and what not that can go in this direction or that—and QC would tweet/gram about that and share S + C and vice versa; as well as anything Stella, product, and the tweets of our closest friends and allies. Afterglow would do a tweet and gram per day, only. At noon, there might be another tweet or gram from S + C on various theme(s). I would have an early morning yoga and lunch. The day would consist of the hours between 2-7, for the purpose of the collection, and then one would have a soup or small salad, 10 being my ultimate bedtime. Work from 6-8 or nine, yoga then lunch until 2 then a good 5 hours of dedicated work for the collection; of course clients fall into those hours as well. As does any administration regarding projects with ad agencies or other fashion companies, that don’t have a product component, but might want to feature us in their shops as well.
I believe I may have to get my PhD from the Sorbonne in Metaphysics. It will only take me about ten years but so what? I too will have become somewhat astute at this sort of thing and Stella can help me; or I was thinking Harvard Divinity School for some kind of spiritual degree. I know it sounds crazy but why not. Stella is well on her way and she managed to fit it in some how. There are crazier things to consider than that. I don’t want to spend very much time in New York City; I have a morbid fear of doing so. It would make so much sense on so many levels and yet sense isn’t really what motivates me or rather sensibility isn’t. Sense does very much in the Jane Austen sense—ha, ha! I know there is a balance; and for one more year at least we will do first things first. And that means combing through the existing existence and eliminating majorly.
I need to ritualize saying goodbye, even to objects; well especially objects, actually, in many cases. I feel I can say goodbye if someone is watching me do it. I know that sounds crazy. And I could just record everything for the camera before dumping it, which let’s face it, I was always going to do. This is me hanging on to ephemera within an emphemeral existence. If Einstein can die who the fuck is going to miss me? Some people but not many. I’m not a crowd pleaser to be perfectly honest. You have to really know me to love me and most people really don’t—know me, that is.
I had this journalist aggressd me today and I was really having none of it. I took screenshots of her spew and sent it directly to her manager. Then saw she apologized so I wrote said manager to say never mind. Forgiveness is all. It really is. But fuck these people who think you owe them…for what? I don’t owe anybody anything and they owe me nothing in return. I am on top of my shit and I juggle a lot of shit, so don’t come knocking at my door or my Facebook Messenger LOL to wipe all your poor pity me angry insecure bullshit. I don’t have time for that. The voice in my head is a righteous black woman. And it’s not the Maya Angelou type of righteous, or even the sort of peturbed and put-off voice of Nina Simone; no the voice in my head is way more sort of worldly wise Southern, proud, warm and loving, but still not taking any shit. You hear me boy? Oh I hear you voice in my head.
I am determined to do less and be more. That is one of the tricks of our trade, and what we tell clients at the most relevant times. I do long for a time when I can get back into all my books and such. I think I will celebrate this birthday as a turning point. I have really been living in so much hurt these last four years and I am determined that it will push me into a much more zen and vibrant place. I have not always kept my side of the street clean and that is the truth. But what is also true is that, due to my upbringing, I can have very bad taste in people. When you spend your entire childhood trying to get affectionate blood from stoney so-called loved ones…stoney is the wrong word: Mean people is more correct; when you try to be liked as well as loved, in effect, you cut and paste this dynamic on other relationships moving forward. It’s a terrible burden.
As a young adult I went deep into spiritual reading as a way to find an even deeper connection than the ones that were rejecting me. It reminded me of something I’ve written before:
Sometimes you spend all your days and nights thinking of other people. And the cosmic joke is those are the same people who take you most for granted. I wonder sometimes if I removed myself from friend/family dynamics if others would feel the miss. I doubt it though they should. Then again they might be relieved not to have to deal with me. Apparently, I’m not easy. I think I’m super easy. And very nurturing indeed. Others differ on that score.
The Vitametavegiman episode of I Love Lucy was on this morning at the ungodly hour at which I awoke. Lucy was my babysitter. Before I could talk or read I was imprinted upon her. I used to think her name was Lucy O’Ball because I hadn’t yet learned that Lucille was a word. But she is part Scottish so that’s cool. I don’t think I’m long for the past world. I’ve been milking it forever and it no longer serves. I would watch Lucy and think I will always watch Lucy but something about me says I can’t watch it any more. It’s too far in the past.
And when you’re suddenly old, as old people are, the past no longer holds the same appeal. It’s not cute or comforting. It seems vividly archaic and scary. One must get away. And so one must. TV in general is a problem. But for the fact you can see great things. The grand irony. I watched Louis C.K. last night flirt with bisexuality. He wasn’t stealing my act because I don’t have one. But it was fantastic and amazing to see him delve into territory—all the while keeping his straight safety line—that I’ve, in my own small way treated.
He does this bit about being knee high at a football game where the “urinal” is a trough. As the son of a father who had season’s tickets to the Giants games where, yes, the urinal was a giant communal affair and, when you’re eleven (that crucial age) when you pee, dicks are too close to eye level. Unlike Louis C.K. I didn’t glance side to side. But I was aware of some “power”.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360 degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2020 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2020 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.