Scorpio 7° (October 30)

Up early to make some breakfast and pack a lunch as we go to deposition. The environment wasn’t as dire as I imagined it would be. And we got to sit in on each other’s questioning which was especially good for me since I went second. But we did have some varying recall as is normal being two people being rearended five years ago. L.C. is so much more conservative and such than I remember. He reminds me of one of my father’s friends which makes him quite a throwback. He’s very confident which I liked. The other lawyer seemed really together and pretty and nice and the questions were fairly probing but not overly so. We had toyed with the idea of sitting in on the culprit’s questioning but, as it was, she hadn’t turned up by the time we left, so I’ll be curious to know if she even did at all in the end. Each of our sessions went about ninety minutes and we really needed to get out of there by the time it was over and let L.C. do his thing. Also we can’t be people who are even remotely seen as staring others down. And Whole Foods was nearby. S. got a coffee and we broke out our contraband of turkey bacon sandwiches with the homemade ketchup I made. Then we did a nice big shop and headed along route 28 to what I read was a fresh pasta and cheese shop which turned out to be a total joke. Good thing we b(r)ought back up in the form of pumpkin ravioli. There was a cool coffee shop too which I forget the name of. The day felt like twenty years ago when we had first moved to the Cape. In that time a lot has happened and I think it would be good to understand that. Actually, it is twenty-one years hence and that means three life cycles of sorts. I have a lot of pain and sadness, I will admit; but also some fantastic things have occured over that time, and it is possible to do some clean-up on some scores while letting other things go completely. Nobody is going to help us but us. And I can only be of any help (to myself or others) if I feel that I too am at the top of my game. So, though there will be extinction bursts, I owe it to myself to keep the trajectory moving upward. I will make a list of world allies and seek to polish all those connections; by the same token I will make a list of those with whom relationships have been uneasy and send them well-wishes. I was looking back on the note I sent to J.D. and, on returning one to me, he added S.; so I thought, okay, that will be that. The other J.D. meanwhile has been all over my dream landscape. They were like rival gangs. I brought them together.

The first year in Provincetown, especially, we were sought out by so many of these disembodied tribes, the lines between which, seldom blurring. Now it’s all one giant cluster fuck and, because we don’t want to be part of anyone’s else’s cult, we both seemed to be an easy target for people putting us on the sidelines in their mind–while the point was we were already there by choice. Even with J.D., especially with J.D.: he got so weird when we weren’t available to him every single dang time he returned to his homestead. I admit readily that I had some of the funnest times hanging out in what was once “the gang” of sorts (we even had a name for ourselves: The South) but those sorts of dynamics are never sustainable. We knew it. We also saw the abusive ways J.D. treated his so-called friends, making grown women cry, inspiring tales of his emotional torment of other friends who would stay there. I always said that if one day it happened that we became the object of his vitriole and control that we would be outta there. In the meantime I tried so hard to right size that relationship, but it proved impossible. Because he punished us even for that—slightly taking a step back and having a smaller-dose bond. No. You had to be there all the time he was. This is the same thing with R.L. and the other cult leaders. The other J.D. is different I find and his company is actually to be enjoyed at times. Anyway it is a relationship I do want to nurture; and I plan to do so in the short term. Because it is important. Having friends.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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