Capricorn 21° (January 12)

S. came back from her night away. I couldn’t bring myself to eat a single bite and won’t have anything until we go to P + M for dinner where I will drink sparkling water and eat a single helping. We are surprised when Rose and James arrive because we were expect Dolce e Gabana to enter the sitting room instead. We are listening to jazz on the turntable and folks are drinking beer and wine. I feel shaky and not just metaphorically. Rose likes Boris Johnson and I am shocked. She was among the originals who came to LLB’s party where I worked in the Marais, in Paris, at Dizzy Place, not the Dizzy Place or Dizzy’s Place but Dizzy Place in 1986. The LLB’s are threatening to recreate that evening to some degree. If so I will go in drag. S. had a bag at P + M’s which she fetched and then forgot. I am also to blame for this which is actually reasonable. We are spending a lot of money. But I am trying not to focus too much on that right now. Everything is changing and I must learn to let it. I am a total asshole of this I am certain. I also know that not everything is my fault. That said I can do better. Way better. I’m looking forward to the change finally, which is weird given the fact I’m so bereft on this day. Something has broken but I think it was meant to do so. I need to focus on some action items. The apartment situation is really loud and I will address that in a letter. I’m sad and lonely but I must forge on. There are real friends now to be found and we will figure all that out. We have a meeting next week about product with the LLBs and I very much look forward to that, even though it is at an inconvenient time. Meetings must be taken. And now some more thoughts on things astrological;

As mentioned in a recent post the classic female “water bearer” was Hebe, cupbearer to the gods, who poured out their divine nectar. The daughter of Zeus and Hera, Hebe means youth; which is a word often synonymous with the future, as in the tuneful “I believe the children are our future.” The real future, along with science fiction, fall under the rulership of the Aquarian eleventh astrological house. Zeus, who went every which way, replaced Hebe—thanks Dad—with a beautiful boy he fell for called Ganymede. The eleventh house also rules homosexuality. Ganymede means gladness, joyor gaiety. In Arthurian legend, we find the figure of Galahad who achieves the quest for the holy grail. He is the son of Elaine who is the grail-bearer, the dispenser of joy and wisdom. In Tolkien’s work, the character of Galadriel is likewise the guardian of a water vessel from which is revealed all possibilities for the future, good news or bad. The goddesses of the dawn and rainbow, Eos and Iris, respectively, are both messenger deities who brought the good news and are both, too, depicted eternally holding pitchers.

The weird thing is when I pasted todays posting onto the online site the date 1986 popped up for no real reason. It is so terribly strange since that is the year when we met all the friends who are now impacting our life. Things I can write about: I can already be putting together text blocks per estate. I can already be articulating the pendant program and pinpointing the elements needed to do this or that. I have to figure out how and why to keep A. in the picture. The healing isn’t coming easy this time. This time the pain is real real real.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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