Pisces 14° (March 5)

Wishing you were somebody you’re not, or that you are someone else, is certainly a sin. I want to get to the crest of the wave, paddling as fast as I can, and to stay there and ride it awhile. Right now what I need most to do is remain dissolved. One has to go inward even to find ones kindred spirits. I imagine it is end of summer and I head back into Boston, on the ferry. I find my pool to swim in; I make dates with people. I practice tennis. I receive acupuncture. I run my thriving non-profit organization. This shall be my legacy. I will appeal to the venues to help keep artists moving. I will launch a propganda campaign about the importance of Provincetown’s legacy of experimental performance. Every venue will get the same schpiel. There will always be a place in Provincetown, year-round, for the festival. We can move it to a proper theater or take to the high school or to vixen or the Harbor or Provincetown hotels. The point is we can make is happen, anything happen, by talking about it every day. Luke Perry is dead and won’t be talked about for very long. Farrah Fawcett without the Michael Jackson effect.

Feeling pretty triggered these last two days since Leaving Neverland. It’s like I actually miss those two men Wade and James. I wasn’t loved and molested by Michael Jackson but I did have a very serious like-siutation starting when I was just eleven. So I really relate and the film really started to undo me quite a bit. There are more of us than we all know. Again I always say that the biggest irony to come to light will be that the supposedly miniscule unicorn population of bisexual men, those we suspect make up the least amount of the LGBTQ community are actually the most abundant majority of the entire male population. Six percent of men may be gay but of the remaining straight I would say at least eighty were really bi. And even the straight ones would bend it for Beckham let’s face it. I realize as I write this that I’ve been pretty preoccupied with the subject since watching that film. I never think of myself as being repressed because I’m pretty out about who I am and the experiences I’ve had, dating back to when I was that chicken tender. That word chicken is so Everything You’ve Always Wanted To Know About Sex But Was Afraid To Ask. At least that was the first time I heard it. Imagine a word like that emerging in this present climate. I mean even the fact that there was an acceptable word to mean, well let’s face it, an underage bit of trade, well that’s just sad. And yet there are far sadder things about our society today overall. The naiveté of what was taboo at that time is just proof of how carefree a time it was comparatively.

Over the past couple of years I have undergone a near complete change of the friendship guard. It was exactly seven years that I had met and finished with an entire group of people. It’s so strange how accurately that time span can represent an era. But it truly does. The only friends that truly matter I feel are the ones you’ve had since forever; and i’m very fortunate to have childhood friends and high school friends and all the friends i met in college and just thereafter who represent my closest bonds. Even the small stint I did in 1986 in Cambridge—having returned from Paris in May and by the end of the next summer I was already living in NYC—where I worked at a restaurant, The Harvest, in Harvard Square—I mean, I met so many great people that particular year with whom I’m still close and that was just a waystation. The prior year in Paris yielded my main lifelong posse and, oddly, I have most of my acquaintances from the twenty plus years I lived in NYC but no real true friends. Strange that. Anyway, so many incredible and new things now on the horizon and I feel as if I have exited some long, dark period of mourning. At least I know this about myself: I do process things pretty fully, if with a little backlash!

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree of the Sabian Symbol may be higher than the one listed here  as the symbols cluminate in the next degree. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 days. 

Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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