Libra 9° (October 2)

Got up before the crack of dawn , packed as quickly as possible, and hit the road. It was about a three hour journey. We drove directly to High Rise where I had a nice tumeric tea. Off to see Beckett and readings were all over the place. I need to get a handle on it all. Got early check in and went to Sonsie for a salad. Back in hotel doing just a little bit of writing, failing to get very much done. Going to meet downstairs for dinner, which will turn out to be over the top. Lobster, sashimi, skate to name a few dishes. I actually had cocktails which I haven’t had since Italy. Loud people near us. Finally couldn’t hear myself speak and so I asked them to lower their voice. That didn’t go well. But what can you do. Eat a Klondike bar and go to bed. I’m frustrated. I’m tired of blowhards and peace wreckers. I’m tired of the bullying culture. I can’t understand how it is we got to a place where we talk about this loser twenty-four-seven. But that is what he has always wanted that much is for sure. This all makes the world seem devoid of certain spirituality, a dearth of which has already come to define us. I want that feeling again. That feeling. You know the one. Where everything just feels like one big floating yes. I cannot believe authoratarianism has come to our shores. I suppose with McCarthy there was a sense of it. I wonder though if we have encountered anything even remotely like it since.

I am still trying to put the pieces together on how I’m going to hit the next big mark which is a big one for sure. I know I can do it I am actually quite undaunted. That’s what I said yesterday. I feel slightly differently today I must say. Look I just need to get my confidence back a bit; and to feel a little bit of spiritual wind beneath my wings. I have let myself down more than I care to admit this past year, even as things start to finally percolate. I have to go one moment at a time—it’s really the only way for me at this point. There are always reasons why things don’t work out. The only way forward is with a little help from my friends and by that I mean my spirit guides, very few of whom seem to be embodied at the moment. If anything most people I know are pretty much up their own selves. People are dying everywhere and others are still taking selfies and photographing their food. To me that is one of the most vivid expressions of polarity meet with everyday. Once these shows this week are behind me then I’ll have nearly a month before the next one. I have many mistakes to make between now and then. And I will definitely make them. I never intend to let more questionable elements of self surface, but I have come to the conclusion that I have a lot of pain and suffering still seething underneath said surface. I thought I had transcended much of it but it is only coming home (once again) to roost. I have made so many mistakes with people, but I do try so hard to move through and get to the next phase where things can be fun and simple and not derail me.

I don’t know why I feel so compelled to hit marks I set for myself. Other than the fact that it’s all in a day’s work. I can also do less because nobody but me, really, is reading this stuff. There is so much to gain by just sitting back and giving into the flow of the black type on the white page. Maybe that is just the kind of purge my brain really needs. Maybe I just need to set a mental timer for ten minutes for the next one-hundred hours at a pop and see what, well, pops out. I don’t think there can be anything wrong with that. It might actually be just the exact kind of purge that is needed to get me to the next project. Susan Nylund died. She probably won’t remember me. She was a beautiful girl I grew up with whom I rubbed up against, socially, because of my connections to some older characters. She went on to become a model. I just read she died of cancer. People shouldn’t really do that anymore. But we live in world where efforts go into greed and destruction. I am personally trying to find a way to align with my schedule and to then sail out in front of it, the desired to content being the masthead on the prow of the creative ship I’ve set to sail. Instead I often get lost in the need to numb or distract myself, one and the same for me I think. Anyway that was the first ten minute sriting spree and I am ready for the next one. The ten minutes, I’ve decided must include titling and posting. When I can to the end of this next ninety minute challenge I will let you know what’s what. i don’t think I need to do that, really, before the fact. You’l see what I mean, whoever you are. Some day this Blague will have many readers and by then, this will just be some hidden entry, not a gem, no diamond in the coal.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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