When I think about letting myself stay some place for a good long time, traveling around Italy let us say over the course of a month or six weeks, I get anxious, which is a new sensation associated with this sort of thing. And so all the more reason to get over it. I think it will be fantastic to spend the time this autumn in Europe as planned, come home and do a whole lot of early spring cleaning in January and, come February, hightail it back to Europe and stay until earliest April, when I have another show in Cambridge.
Why not really get to know Italy. And then every six months or every year, if need be, pick another country. A country a year for the next thirty years? Why not? That to me sounds incredibly life affirming. And something for which I’d like to be relaxed and thin (so I can wear anything and feel in my skin). Like the Zodiac says, with it’s first house of the physical Self, I need to work on my own cult of the body. Which is fun and actually the antidote to any kind of sag in confidence; or rather put it this way, if we took the Spartan ideal of focusing on the physique, first, an attempt at physical perfection, that would surely foster whatever natural confidence, read swagger, one might have. And, again to look at the Zodiac’s twelfth house which precedes it, we have to dissolve away all impediments first, to gain that spiritual sense of floating, drifting, being at one with the mists and foams and fogs so that we can emerge from them in the most surrendered of fashion. All of this (and more, probably) to illustrate a feeling I’m chasing, a halcyon spirit.
It is something we have taken for granted, that calm we thought would always be there. And it wasn’t a surplus of good hard work which sought to undermine it. It was the indulgence of relaxation and ignorance of the body, that temple of flesh and blood that must be exercised and shaped. But we needn’t beat ourselves up about not re-starting some physically challenging regimen (first house), instead we might focus on the energetic (the immaterial twelfth house) aspect of self, where we are pure energy as all matter is. When we imagine ourselves as such, the space between our atoms can release all that is gathered there, whether we see it as tension or something denser. That’s where I’m trying to live these next two weeks—in the purely mutable waters of my truest being.
Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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