Libra 24° (October 17)

By November 2020, I would like to be opening a space, if not buying a building in P then in S or in C. I will be focusing on the “immoveable” idea and will have been taking meetings with manufacturers of planners and the like. I would love to find that company in France which makes the little black books. There will need to be a space in NYC that we can consider a showroom of sorts. It probably would have been smart to grab that place downtown when we had the chance; then again we would have had a psycho for a landlord. I know that I am deserving of good (but conditional) friendship, a large part of which is forgiveness. I have perhaps been too forgiving, to a fault; and perhaps on some subconscious level, because I suspected I might need some of the stuff in return. In any case we live and learn. There is this quote: To understand everything is to forgive everything.

Over the next two years I know what needs to happen, spiritually. For starters, I need to read. I know that mightn’t sound spiritual to you but, as a symptom, reading suggests I’m in a good place on that score. It’s like when I’m flossing regularly; that’s how I know I’m focussed on self care overall I do believe I need to go back to the beginning and read my way through some kind of chronological order. I would love to read for say, three hours a night. That would certainly be part of the path toward finding my peace again. And to get back to the minutes and the memos. To do less and be more. It’s been really kind of hard. Again I realize I can say whatever I want but still it ain’t easy. Back in the day, in my late 20s early 30s, living in the West Villlage, I barely had two pennis to scrape together and yet I remember being quite happy and certainly hopeful. I was never worried about moolah. I guess I supposed everything was ahead of me—that sometime would catch—either that or I was I never thought about it at all and just don’t remember. I’m a saver by nature I think. And I have been doing that in any case these last several years. Not a lot but something.

And. lord upon lord, do I ever need my autonomy. I am so completely frustrated with the way things are at this point. Not that it hasn’t been great up until now; but you know when you’ve been passed out of something but still find yourself in the old place. It is, in a word, maddening. I can taste what my life is about to become; and least that better me what’s rolling around in my mouth. I know I’m not the steadiest character, but I’m not the worst either. I’ll think of someone whose life I’m tempted to envy then I’ll see them in person and they’ll look like crap or be chain smoking or not able to make eye-contact or exhibiting some kind of weirdness. Believe me I know I’ve gone to the edge, and even recently so, and sometimes I’ve stepped over it. And I’ve often had to pay the consequence for that; but I’m willing to recognize that. What I don’t think is being understood is just how close to the edit we truly are at this juncture. And yet I’m willing to have that be part of the reality and to just be grateful that we are in the position we are in. I have to imagine the positive outcomes of all this. Darkest before the dawn and all that? Quick somebody say something super upbeat and positive.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree of the Sabian Symbol may be higher than the one listed here  as the symbols cluminate in the next degree. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 days.

 Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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