Leo 19° (August 10)


Awoke from a dream about the Olsen Twins. They were landing a helicopter onto a plane that we were traveling in. They looked old and terrible and one of them (Mary Kate I think) was binging on licorice. Today will not be a good day. Yesterday was too frought for that. More car trouble. More professional impasses. More fundraising pleas falling on deaf ears. There is no time for joy it seems. And my other dream was me looking for a car I parked somewhere and wondering if it got towed. That happened once in real life back in the very early nineties when I went to visit Dean Niarkis at his apartment somewhere in the twenties. I had parked my car and slept over and in the morning I went looking for it and couldn’t find it—I suppose I didn’t remember where I had put it. I was so desperate looking for probably a full hour and then, not giving up, I finally found it. Anyway even though the title of today’s posting is slightly rosier sounding it is a total lie. Things are super shitty right now and no matter what I attempt in hopes of reversing the fact it just leads to more problems and psychological warfare. Anyway I’m still have fever dreams and I’m still trying to feel physically better. I have thirty days now until festival eve and I am determined not only to enjoy the last vestiges of summer, which really lasts a good long time after the fact. And I have to look at these darker hours this week as a way of touching a certain kind of rock bottom from which we can rise.

Happily things did turn around and we did some emotional housework and then went for a second sushi of the week (don’t judge). The weather was changing, the oppressive heat being sent out to sea, as winds and clouds from the east swept over us, plunging the temperature to a tolerable level. We shared a bottle of rosé bought from the shops in overcrowded Wellfleet and then still had a little Chinon to take to bed with us. I am urging someone to watch Years And Years somewhat against her will. Yes, the subject matter is really scary; however the product is such top quality and the acting/ensemble superb. Belfast is on my mind today—I do love Maine so very much. But I have to stop my real-estate porn addiction because it doesn’t keep me in the now which is where I want and need to be. This should be an interesting month as I allow the intermittent fasting thing to take hold while I make the beach an everyday thing and go off any and all sauce for the duration. With so much holiday fun this summer already under my belt I don’t really expect this to be much of a challenge. And anyway I have to be all foward movement. It’s a psychological thing. I almost want to be awake as much as possible. Why is that? I’m predicting I will live until eight-four. Is that weird to say? I just have a vibe.

I have to clear out my brain and get my psychic self buzzing. That’s what these daily summits will be all about. We have to create our own excitement. And part of that is also clearing away the cobwebs of past negativity and dysfunction and, yes, destruction. I for one have never been perfect (I know that might come as a shock) and I have behaved badly in my life but it has never really, at the core, been anything but beating myself up, whether I’ve done it privately or in public. I want to fall back in love with writing again. This is one of my goals for the coming year. I’m prolific I know but I have to be a bit more purposeful. I need to find an almost physiological focus, a literal unscrambling of my brains. There is something about me always that feels as if I’ve been shaken by a giant babysitter. I sent a note to JCM asking if he would give a little shout here and there for the Afterglow Festival and he wrote back in gleeful affirmation. I’m so grateful for this kindness. I really am counting my blessings and friends as one.


To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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