Taurus 0° (April 19)
I feel like all I really did today was a repeat of last week—cook and wash clothes, which is really a boring way to spend a day. I have not felt like myself, something I alluded to yesterday I believe. I am hitting the reset button for real and I can no longer let the things that have bothered me do so. Still I am in a certain agony. Not as a result of the plague that was sent to kill us, but by a shadow one, of my own manifestation, or so it would seem. The world is now an empty place and yet I feel the ancient echoings. I will fight this and I will win for a time. But it won’t last liong. I don’t know exactly what I’m meant to do today but I do not what I am meant not to do and then is fret. These are difficult times but we can make them work for us. I am singularly uncreative today for some reason. I will spend time in the kitchen. I freestyled and made a quinoa tabbouleh which came out really fantastic; I also made a hummus which was yummy and I’m going to make another one tomorrow.
I truly which that I could say something inspiring here today but I am really dealing with some torment on the physical plane. It isn’t something I really should talk about here but it is absolute agony of a kind I cannot even begin to describe. I cannot wait for the warm weather and the ability to sit in the sun and let my skin turn brown. Everything just feels so out of control. I’d like to say I miss my friends but mainly my friends are people I’m used to missing as they mainly live overseas. It might be nice to get some new friends but, once again, this is an old refrain. And I’d like to refrain from it, if you don’t mind. There have been very many times when I haven’t known what to say, just as I haven’t always known where to turn. I have my work cut out for me, but right now what seems most important is to be able to breathe, in a real and in a metaphorical way. Everything will be cancelled I imagine. I’ve been cancelled for the most part. I guess it has to be my fault. I can’t imagine why else this seems to happen to me. It’s like people assume I don’t have feelings or something. Then again I have always barked up the wrong trees for the most part.
A number of years back I was feeling very much at a peak in my experience. I felt like I had finally got to a place where I was being respected for my performance work and I was feeling pretty included in that world. I even remember being lumped in together as “Cabaret Royalty” by influencers in NYC. But it wasn’t going to last long. I’m happy that I had a taste of it; more than most people enjoy I suppose. And I’m also grateful that I have focused on other things. At times like these being a performer is not something that is going to yield and if you rely on it for making your living you are in particular trouble. And besides, by the time I reemerge, I will need to do so at a much higher level. Okay I need to start making some kind of (another) to-do list if I am going to move the needle in a significant way. This weekend I will do some spring cleaning, taking out the screens and hosing them down and putting them in, scrubbing floors and windows. It will be another ten days before I can take non-trash items to the transfer station but that’s fine. The thing about me is that I do have a very farmer-ish side to my character. And that is only going to group, more, day by day. By the time all of this is over I hope that I will achieved something solid, if not monumental. I am going to be very low stakes about stuff. I will admit that everything seems a little crazy to me right now. And the only way to get over it is to get through it. Part of me really enjoys the feeling of being sequestered and letting the days go by. I am in a race against time in other regards, but that, too, is up to me. All I need to is go over the work I started and make the proper adjustments. It truly is not rocket science. I want to plant an herb garden but I want it to be super simple. Any old wig: That is probably enough boring stream of consciousness for one day.
The following blocks of texs are exceprts from my first year of Blagues, nos. 146-150. I am reading through all my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, but the time I get to my seventh, I will have through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize:
nothing to insert from the past Blagues today!
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360 degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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