Pisces 0° (February 19)

Was so excited to see an email from S. That is until I read it. Boy oh boy am I the bad guy once again. As I said it was probably our first emotional conversation in ages and I guess it will have to be our last. It is near impossible for my position to be observed as anything normal. There are new adjectives and tags for me but I know my truth. I know that I tried my damnest. I had the most bizarre dreams, which I swear I wrote about already somewhere. But now I don’t see it. I can’t imagine having sent her the deets. But one where I threw these pencils into a kitchen—gosh where did I write this down? Maybe that was also in the dream—anyway S. was laughing hysterically with a friend on the phone which was in sharp juxtaposition to my absolute sorry, so throwing the pencils was my soft tantrum and I went running up the stairs of the house which was much like hers growing up (the same as my friend Moo’s in layout. She had put the phone down and tried to grab me on the stair, rather affectionately actually, but I kept breaking away. I was crying hysterically and turns out I was doing so in real time so I woke up shaking from a crying jag. Next dream I was jolted out of by a kind of violence that was happening at a social gathering and I kept having to pick up pieces of pottery and the like that my mother kept knocking over. It was inside this large labyrinthian hotel where I feel my dreams have been recurring-ly set. And then there was a weird third dream, all of them similar with large gatherings of people, where this younger person presented himself saying that he was told he was my half brother. He looked all but exactly like my father. It was weird to wake up startled three times all in different ways. The feeling on the last one is that there is some younger man /half sibling out there somewhere. It felt like a relief. Like oh good I might have family in the world after all. Anyway…Doodle loodle loo Back to the future: I was just reading this and remember about that dream of having a half brother. It’s not all that improbable actually and chances are, given the hypcritical bigot my father was, he’d be black. Boy oh boy would I love to have a half-brother, or someone even remotely nice and sane to be related to. I just saw this grand announcement by BH canceling his show of last night. As if anybody fucking cares. I am truly getting over this place I have to say. I would like to live in a city again but also be by the sea. This always brings me back to Marseille. Wouldn’t that be fucking amazing. To live in a city where you could go to the beach with ease. Not to mention get to Paris, and even London, by train. I mean, that’s a pretty good idea of some place to end up. I guess I would just move all belongings to permanent storage. Why not? Or have it all moved to L’s storage and, oh, I dunno.

December 26

You’re a hard nut, brown being your color. You’re not one to crack under pressure, as evidenced by others ever looking to you for guidance or solace. You don’t break because you fully absorb the impact of things, summing up any situation in signature satiric style. 

December 27

Like a fine wine, you improve, revealing intricacies, with age. A rich, smooth burgundy, you’re nuanced, a bit dark and complex. Seemingly reserved, you conserve energy for people and passions you love. Your humor is intoxicating. In love, you need to breathe.

December 28

Garnet, flicking red and gold, is your eminence. You’re a perfect mix of dedication and dalliance, sobriety and sophistication. Serious as all get-out, you will get up to no good, enjoying the “gathering ye rosebuds” with your nose to the grindstone. Whose life is better?

December 29  

Platinum is your energy, and possibly, ultimately, your hair color. A frontrunner, you’re more capricious than cautious a Capricorn. You’re feminist, female or otherwise, oozing what can only be called old-world charm; yet leading the charge for the modern wo/man.

December 30

Indian red expresses inherent wanderlust, a need to fall into the arms of the world. You must act on such longings as they provide sure leads to your destiny. You are visual, even if you work with words or numbers. You know life is more enchanted than most think.

December 31

Magenta is the color of highly charged, harnessed feelings. Sound familiar? You pack an emotional punch in all you do, be it art or career. And you don’t take relationships lightly. You pose a challenge to would-be mates. Even slacker friends/family don’t make the cut.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2022 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved.