Libra 17° (October 9)

Day Fifty-Seven E.D.A.N.O.W.W. I saw a place I can stay in for six months and I’m hoping it will happen. It doesn’t solve everything, but it does solve some things. Dave and Alison are going to take over ownership of the baby grand piano. They are paying nothing. In fact Afterglow will pay to move it to their house in Brewster.Beside it being so large an object, it is blocking the front door making house moves impossible. So, it has been my priority to remove the piano to make our lives easier on moving days. I am doing dump runs with junk and old furniture that neither of us want (stored in the basement). I will photograph as I go so that I don’t get accused of destroying “marital property”. I sincerely doubt that in the few days she plans to send packers to the house that her people will be able to discern what junk can be discarded at the dump. Part and parcel of the heavy lifting needing doing. I have asked repeatedly about the Helena Christensen “Butik” cafe chairs, BBQ, and other such items in the basement especially that would fall into the discard pile. A place I know so well. No answers to this (or anything really). It’s still so strange to me that other people get to see her and spend time and share laughter and conversation with her—old friends, new friends, family, strangers. but I am blocked on all media platforms. I don’t get to see what she is doing. One can’t imagine how deep that hurt cuts into my soul. That I can’t be a part of what she’s doing, not even as aspectator. I was in it for better or worse. We had hard times in the past but they always abated and we just finally got to a place where it was going to be just the two of us and a new lease on life, new book, new company, new house, new chapter. And then the book closed in my face and all has been black sorrow downward falling death. Part of me is so never going to get over this. And still I have no choice but to move forward whatever that means. The loneliness is profound. just when i think I’ve hit the most painful part I plunge down further into sorrow and despair. I just wish I had my best friend and love of my life to talk to but alas. Still, my love for her is eternal and on some karmic level I suppose there must be a reason for all this pain.  In related news I think I might try and jump the line again and try and get booster sooner than later. I know my immune system must be shot after all these months of no sleep and dodgy eating. I suspect someone has already done so. I will watch the David Chappelle show and of course he mentions J.K.. Seriously what thing I watch doesn’t mention her or her characters or some expression from her oeuvre such as it is. It used to be such a blessing to know her and now it feels very much like a curse. She is everywhere I turn and all I’m reminded of is the added pain of her ostracization. It shouldn’t be the role of shared friends to take sides. I would never rally others around my solo cause as such, and I doubt my love did that, rather the rallying would have happened of its own accord. Such is the stuff of my life. One day I will write or perform my story. I have always been exactly who I am. What did others expect? And why were they so surprised. Such phobia involved in all of this.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.