Sagittarius 7° (November 29)

 

So I don’t know what to tell you. It is the same and different all at once. I look back, I reflect. I think I could have done something differently; but nothing ever really changes and people build there little tree houses or whatever they do and they manage to squeak by, not really working, somehow always ending up surfacing, living off renting out the detritus of their existence. I have nothing more to give. Today is the day that I put it all on the line. I am bedridden, sick as a dog. S. will go out to get nails done while I lie there going in and out of sleep. She will return with medicaments naturale. I’ve succombed to sinus pain, cough, sore throat and fever. Oh well. I never get sick so I’m not really that concerned about it to be honest. I am trying to find something to watch on this weird, ancient television. With all the resources around here they don’t update anything. It’s just the way it is. Priorities. No judgments. They will all be going into town today to see the nutcracker. I will attempt to have some semblance of a life. I will try to work. It won’t work.  I am readying myself for this last three weeks at home. Really that is all it will be, I need to contact Jim about stuff. I want to get a haircut and get all my deliveries in. I want to find something nice to wear. I hope the thrift shops will be open this week. The one thing is I am going to prioritize some exercise, wardrobe, grooming and all such things as often get left in the dust. Weird how all the people I have fallings out with begin to overlap. It does very much feel like I’ve cut myself off from pretty much everyone. Or they from me perhaps. There is no use crying over spilled milquetoast. I have enough on my plate to keep my busy and happy in the process. Nobody will give a rat’s ass about most of the people shouting for praise.

Honestly I don’t know what you people want. I wish I had a clue as to what level of attention you think you deserve and why it is you desire it. I am all but gone from social media. I do not promote this Blague. I don’t want anything from anyone. “I want what I have.”—Starsky + Cox. I cannot understand all the greed. Not for money but for attention. How desperate have we become as a people. I don’t care what you think about the play you’re seeing or the food you’re eating. I have become so jaded and cynical and sad. I can’t explain why it is there is such a dearth of joy and giving in the world. I only know that in order to change it we need to make stronger, bolder moves. I can no longer live in fear. I don’t live in fear in fact. I live in a bit of horror if anything. Horror at the world. Horror at the prices of being alive. Horror at the lack of compassion one for another. Since when, I wonder, is someone like Parker “pals” with those creepy orphan people? When in hell would folks like Justin Elizabeth and Dolly overlap. How can it be that this world is not just some hologram of my own nightmares? The grifters of the world are the most obvious and disastrous and strange. I have nothing to do but be healthy and happy. I don’t know why everyone else out there is complaining so much as they dangle tidbits meant to make everyone else on the planet feel less than. I have taken myself completely out of all of that nonesense. I really have to give myself nothing but half an hour a day to get down my thoughts and feelings about all or any of this. I long to travel more and to make my little journeys.

The truth is that I will only ever get through a portion of what I need to accomplish today which is actually absolutely fine. I cannot overachieve anymore. I do need to get myself into some sort of shape so that I can feel my natural confidence soar. I don’t mean physically or even emotionally, but definitely spiritually. That is the only manner of being that truly matters in any case. I am prety delirious lying here all day. They will go from the ballet to Myers + Chang and I will ask for some hot and sour soup and some fried rice and I will eat it rather late and then fall asleep after watching all but the last Chernobyl. I’m running out of things to watch in the evening. I should be reading. I am only here for a very short time. And then I have to float around with no real place to stay; and then I must make my way to the airport. But that is not for another three weeks, in which span of time I will go to New York and be back in Boston a couple of times. It should all be good. I know there is much magic in all of this. I cannot believe how long it’s been since I’ve seen certian friends. I have such a sense of abandonment it’s not real. seriously i cannot emotionally handle it.

how can that be? how can I be so affected by lawn decor

i think people are extra honking as they go by

or I’m imagining it. in any case lawn decor should not cause me to disassociate from myself (is that the term?)

 

I have to write this:

HELP TO MAKE THE SEASON BRIGHT (AND GLOW-Y)

In the spirit of non-profits holding out their begging bowls, last ditch, in December, the Afterglow Festival comes to you on bended knee for help in making our own year ends meet:

As we enter year ten, we continue to preserve Provincetown’s legacy as the birth place of the modern American stage and as an incubator for progressive theater and live performance.

We champion emerging and experimenting artists, providing them all means necessary to come perform here, enriching Provincetown’s culture while honoring its theatrical birthright.

Beginning 2020, the Afterglow Festival will offer students and seniors complimentary entry to all our shows—it’s like townie night every night—along with educational talks and programs.

And so, for every tax-deductive Sparkler donation of $100 you make we will gift you a 2020 Haute Astrology by Starsky + Cox e-book of your choice as a thanks for your generosity.

 

 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.

 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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