The 4th of July. Another one of those amateur-hour holidays where people get too drunk and too crazy. For our part we will sneak in to enjoy some festivities then sneak out again ere long.
The world, and surely American society, is a polarized place. And living where we do surrounded by type-A individuals with more dogs than kids and lots of disposable income it can seem ridiculously disparate. The truth is so many of the people here latched on early to some rich, older person who gaven them their start. Sex always seems to play a part. Especially when it involves other people’s money. Funny that Sex and Other People’s Money are attributes of the astrological 8th house. As is Death.
Anyway it won’t last long. I tend to get depressed if surrounded by too conspicuous a form of consumption. Or when I see half the people I know waiting on the other half. I’m too empathetic by half. I hope I’m not getting into Holden Caulfield or Seymour Glass territory if I can help it, as, I vaguely alluded to this yesterday, that I am wont to do in summer. Let’s just say, if we were to hang out together today, you might find me intense. I have a lot on my plate. And I’ve put myself under pressure—it’s my own doing and I trust I do what I do for a reason. I think I’m just wearying of life lessons learned. And still holding on to certain hurts, aren’t we all, seemingly in endless supply. And we all do stupid things of which we’re not proud, too, as a result. And we can’t beat ourselves up over that either. It’s important to come clean and express yourself.
There are few places on earth where I truly feel comfortable and I think Paris is surely one of them. I like the anonymity which never feels lonely. The city is so interactive on an intimate level and yet has this natural formality contained in grey stone, often capped with grey clouds. The perfect solitude. Some days I think I’d like to live in Paris and have a cook and a housekeeper and a lovely large apartment and then choose different places to go in summer including back home here where I must always have a place.
I don’t require much.