Taurus 17° (May 6)

I woke up from the weirdest, most sordid dreams. They are all like that. Like drunk dreams. I was having this bizarre threesome, no wait it was a foursome, or rather two two-somes—me and this blond girl/woman, and this gay male couple I know were also having sex on the same bad, although I don’t think there was overlap. Oops, yes there was, I just remembered. Sheesh. I typically don’t have these sorts of sexual reveries and I have to say it wasn’t a pleasurable experience. Again, it all just felt wrong and compulsive and not at all wholesome. Anyway, let’s leave that subject. I will throw down some coffee and munch a bit of yoghurt and then take the car in to be serviced. The stroll back will do me some good. The first thing I saw when I stepped out this morning was a bunch of golden finches, like seven or eight of them, all in a fury, chasing each other and squeaking madly as they do. S. was just going to start an online yoga class and I told her about the finches and then did the car thing and came back and started cooking. She finished and told me class ended with the teacher reading a Mary Oliver poem that mentioned a group of golden finches singing “in this broken world.” Chills. How cool is that? I am just here floating around. I am getting administration done but that’s really about it. It’s nigh on one o’clock and I will end this day, hopefully, by six. It is the last night before the marathon thirty days of Bikram and other healthful goals and I am pretty happy about that I must say. The time has come. I have to begin impressing myself more and more first and foremost. It is the moment to begin this love affair with self.

 A line like “there is no time like the present; that’s why they call it a gift.” I am much more naturally funny when I’m in a wholesome place. I am very happy to have this day and this night. I am feeling incredibly grateful for it all. I need to pace myself and give myself time and space to recover. It will be all summer I think. I want to be able to go here and there and I think I should remove all obstacles to doing that. People who are sheltering in place are making up the majority of new infections. I don’t understand why that is but thems the facts. I was thinking how freeing it would be to name all the people with whom I have dead ends, simply to illustrate the fact that they aren’t as numerous as I suspected. They are A.D., X.S., L.R., D.M., J.D., B.H., R.M., D.D., A.S., M.S. (E.H.) and maybe J.P. That isn’t that bad considering I know thousands of people. I dare say that was quite a freeing exercise. I seem to make things work for myself in my head. And the thing is that half if not all of these people should be ashamed of their bad behavior—it truly has nothing to do with me. As I survey this list I can’t help but think things like: crazy, narcissist, mean, mentally ill, alcoholic, drug addict, liar, sychophant, gaslighter, backstabbing and any number of negative assignations. I really can’t get over how freeing that felt. I am guilty of guilting myself. But when I look at this list of folks all together it is clear that these people are creeps for the most part. And my whole life is about helping people work through their issues—that is the mainstay of my actual profession. And with my non-profit endeavors, too, all I want to do is help artists develop their work and skill. That is something of which I am very proud. I even posted something rather self-celebratory (I never do that) on social media. I feel empowered today even though my circumstances haven’t changed an iota.

The following blocks of texs are exceprts from my first year of  Blagues, nos. 231-235  I am reading through all my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, but the time I get to my seventh, I will have through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize:

There was nothing to post by way of past excerpts today, sadly.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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