Capricorn 21° (January 11)

All we can do is the best we can. I will get some things down on paper today if it kills me, which it just might. And yet that didn’t happen. It is now Friday of the same week and I haven’t written a single intro entry yet. Either. But somehow this week was strangely productive I couldn’t tell you for the life of me what happened but I have a new sense of clarity that can only come from packing up decades worth of belongings papers memories clippings scraps writing momentos into boxes that neatly and orderly categorize my existence heretofore and us the contents of my present mind. It is becoming more realistic to imagine a move. I have rejected my schedule making it in some ways tighter , playing chicken with myself as I am, and yet I think it’s doable because , well, why prolong the agony? I know where everything is , and there is a massive benefit to that. But, looking back, I think today was a good day all in all. I am deeply absorbed in Fran Leibowitz although I can’t stand Scorcese’s constant laughter—wish they had edited out that crap. Anyway I will be making a transition this week, Blaguing more here and less below, but for now I will let that be the bulk.

The following blocks of text are exceprts from my first year of  Blagues, nos. 1426-1430. I am reading through all of my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, by the time I get to my seventh, I will have journeyed through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize. Year seven, I’ll only have to read through year six, once a day.

I must have some kind of inner ear thing happening because I am not myself, especially when driving. I have long had a thing about being on bridges, inherited from my mother. I’ll go into it in time. I understand Parker Posey, the way she wrote her book. Also it’s often easier in snippets. Thinking about the next chapters as places where the same elements will be deposited. Not doing things in order. How Scorpio really. I do love the book. I don’t know if S. has contacted her. Since we saw her over the weekend. Wow I am developing a different relationship with punctuation.

I will and should read my past entries more objectively. Don’t think about performance. Imagine if it would make a good reading. This is a funny way of writing for me. It’s bringing up memories. Of being at a clairvoyant’s house in Bradley Beach, New Jersey. There is a question mark in that experience. His hands were small and not clammy but cool. Those were the days. I don’t think I could have ever then appreciated what my body could get away with. And now I have to relinquish all this pleasure and send all desire to my brain (very Taurus to Scorpio) which is fitting since we will have spent the weekend with Parker and Vivian.

I feel compelled to tell you that this has yet to happen but I need to shut the fuck up. The whole point is to write the next several entries all at the same time and fuck with Time. I am aware that I used the same word twice in one sentence and made one upper case and one lower. But that’s me. S….that’s all she wrote for that sentence. I must not get angry, agrivated, frustrated. I must remain Galadriel. I am so hard on myself.

I like Athens better than Hudson maybe? I dunno. I get drained easily. We drove in today. Yes today and my nerves were off the charts. Advanced what? Can I rehabilitate from this. I will do the best I can. Only I mightn’t. I have been doing things, crazy things. Well, crazy if you’re very sane. That’s the thing about me. I’m kinda random. And that, I’m told, can be a good thing. But I am really struggling. What’s going on isn’t good. I feel like a boiling frog. And I’ve just spent another day admitting I’m not Marjorie (played by Natalie Dormer).

Finally I feel as if I can get some value momentum moving. I know I have to be unabashed in the process. Unapologetic. I know one of the themes has been the re-reading of old works. I have to go back and remind myself how many days it will take I did the math. Something like I’ve written four years so thats something like 1500 Blague entries (oh good lord) so it would take me 150 days to read and reorganize ten Blagues a day so that’s five months which isn’t terrible but it isn’t exactly great either. Still it needs to be done. And I’m just the man to do it. I’m the only one in fact. I hated sharing a room with my sister when I was small in Jersey City. I did it until I was eight years old. I guess we were poor. I had no idea at the time. My parents always made me feel we had money until they were older when they made it just as clear they had none. I love the fact that a “whistleblower” can be called Newbold. It turns out that the youngest of the Pritchett children has globs of talent. Veronica Webb randomly started following me on Instagram.

So trailing clouds of guilt and regret I venture forth to Athens to see my gangstah friend Viv. I will drive as far as I can before realizing I probably shouldn’t be driving at all and then my lady wife will take over. I am anxious because Viv has two cats and I am deathly allergic but apparently there is a room where the cats don’t go where I can sleep. The irony is that I love cats and would own a hundred of them if I could. Viv will show me video of an English cat lady and I realize I’ve seen the video before. We will also watch Pen15 which I didn’t realize meant penis until it was explained to me. We had a little snack and then V. took a shower and we took a walk around the town. I really do kind of like it. The cats Pinky and Leather are totally cute. I realize that my room is connected to Viv’s roomate’s room by a door that is shut, it seems, by virtue of a towel being caught in the jam. Caught in the Jam. That sounds like a good title for something. We had a lovely dinner with Pete the other night, I don’t know if I said that. I am happy they are moving to Wellfleet and I psychically (or nearly) guessed which house. I want to be in love today.

It’s all I can think about and yes I can’t be so codependent. And I have to think about death which will indeed part us all. It is awful to think how perfect everything has been so far and to know it will end. What is the purpose of this life if it all ends in sadness. I’ve become terrified of things. Of people dying mainly. It’s just such a mental trap. I really should find a therapist. I will do that today. Only I won’t. I don’t know what today will bring. I only know I have to bring it, whatever it is. The lack of a better word is running out. I remember meeting that actor, what’s his name, Shawn Hatosy, at the Gansevoort in, what, 2006. It is now 2019. Although all day long I thought it was 2020. I was looking for a document I was keeping on artists for casting purposes and I kept searching Artists 2020 and was fretting that I might have lost the file but actually I was just in the wrong year.

We had lovely salmon that Viv made and a baked potato which I haven’t had in one hundred years, plus green beans and salad which nobody seemed to eat. This made me self conscious as I made the dressing. I reached out to Lea Delaria when she first bought the new The Club in Provincetown but didn’t hear back. Now I realize (of course) that all our friends (and one enemy) will be performing there. I don’t like (him).  And though I can’t control it I wish people would wise up to this disaster boy. He feeds people heroin and yet people don’t think he’s a problem. So codpendent. He has this creative partner—they perform together—who is the most look down your nose type of person. She judges everyone (look who’s talking) and yet she will put up with this drug pusher person because of the coat tails she is riding late breakingly. These down and out pseudo bohemians make me sick, cuz you know they would be the first people to have gold toilets. Case in point the Hitler in Chief. Oh well, it doesn’t help me to know the stuff I know I have to somehow transcend it all. New favorite drag name: Sinobial Fluide.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.

So as it turns out, came a text from the other room, we will indeed see Parker today which will be so nice. We have this funny way of meeting up with her. Honestly I thought I would see her again on lower Fifth as I did last time but apparently she no longer lives in the city but here we will see her after all which is a little cosmic blaguey.

The town is super cute and right on the river and the air is filled with ions. We met the roomate this morning who is very young and cute. All I could think was I hope I didn’t snore and keep him awake. We were basically sleeping in the same room. Tonight in fact, without the towel draped on the door and jammed into the jam, it will remain ajar and it truly will feel we are in the same room. I guess everyone drinks and drives upstate because everyone seems to come home around 1:30 from a town fifteen minutes away in a car after being at a bar-lounge. One more reason to love a walking town.

We had a little breakie, not much and all took showers and then headed to a sort of flea makret in Coxsackie (I think that’s the town). Viv bought some stuff we did not. Then we headed to Hudson for lunch and to meet Parker who greeted us with hugs on the corner and promptly guided us to her car where she had lamps for Viv. Only V. didn’t want any of her lamps even though Parker tried sweetening the deal by saying, not without irony, that they had belonged to Ryan Adams. She forgot her wallet so had to drive back to Ghent to get it—also she had to feed Gracie the dog. We had a lovely lunch at The Maker—chickpea smash sandwich—then did a bit of shoppage. I bought nothing but S. got some a gorgeous ring and perfume.

I read a few pages of Parker’s book that was lying around in the morning and was pretty hooked. At The Carousel, where S. P. and V. all found things to buy, the shopguy asked us did you read Parker’s book. I said I just started. He said I told her it was tedious. You did what now? That wasn’t nice. We also went to Marine P.’s shop. Her baby dady who was represented by a naive painting looked super familiar. I have to find out who he might be. We tried to think about dinner but it made people cranky so we went back to the house and just sort of chilled. As someone who makes dinner at home most every day of the year I couldn’t manage the thought of finding food let alone cooking it so it was decided, and not by me, actually, that we would take us al out to the little hotel on the corner at the river in Athens. I wish I knew its name. It was delicous in fact and we had a lot of fun and laughed our snoots off.

The ride from JVB’s in Athens back to the Cape was strangely short and smooth. Thruway to Mass Pike down 495 and over the bridge. We stopped for very few groceries and some flowers and otherwise hightailed it back to catch up on our stories. I made a simple anchovy onion parsley sauce for some lentil pasta, which isn’t the greatest, though it isn’t a guilt trip. And we watched what we call Schitts, Will and Toodles, Rupie Dupie and Bill Maaaah. Still, being the type-A characters we are: We unpacked fully and pretty much cleaned the house in the process. I feel a wreck from all the moving around and really need to catch up on a number of things I’ve let lag, like this bitch called my Blague.

The world is so fucked up that I think I have been succombing to a form (or more) of depression myself. As I sit here I am hearing reports about Alaska dealing with changes unseen for thousands of years. I don’t know why people (Republicans) don’t understand that they are making themselves and their own children and grandchildren extinct. I cannot believe theat there are so many stupid, venal people on this part of the planet, specifically. The problem is taking it all in and punishing oneself by trying to escape what’s happening. That is only them winning all the more. We can’t let them win that is the main point. And why should I make myself sick trying to anesthetize their bullshit?

I am excited to throw myself into my projects. It has been Spring for over ten days and it’s still bloody freezing out. I really am so fortunate to live where I do, don’t get me wrong; so no complaints. The more time I spend with other people the more I realize how sane and functional I am. Until I’m not. Which is often. I simply can’t watch the news anymore. Which is probably what the hard right wants. They have the guns. I can’t believe this is America. I don’t think I can live here anymore if things don’t dramatically turn. Why are we talking about Joe Biden kissing people on the forehead when the president so-called is a rapist. We are being run by a terrorist mob. All those last fifty years thinking it could never happen here.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2020 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2020 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.