Sagittarius 23° (December 15)
Well this is the four-way day and it is really not that easy. And then we speak for ninety minutes. I’m definitely hitting a low point, so fatigued. Having been so through the ringer it is almost that much more exhausting to feel the relief of the end of a détente. I will go to Tin Pan Alley and order some crab cakes but the vibe is distinctly not what I’m in the mood for, so I end up going for a wee stroll and run into Dave Brown who is going to trivia at the Pig so I tag along and I turn into this weird secret weapon. (In the future reading this I get a pang because I lost touch with Dave, so I give him a quick ping.) It is really weird reading back on this day because I would have seen H. for the for the first time and yet I speak so matter of fact about it. I think what happened is that I wrote the first few sentences months after the event already. Such that each of these Blauges of this era are amalgams of bits and pieces added at different times. Because I have OCD I can’t not have a full calendar year of days written and they have to be of a certain length. H. has said in the past just leave days blank and start over. Not on your life. I am currently in the process of catching up on 282 daily entries, while still moving forward, while doing other things. But it can be very good for my mental health to be sure. So I will do what needs doing and just keep going. It does feel quite therapeutic. And what I’m currently doing is reviewing past Blagues for some kind of evidence of my doing something of which I was accused. Fun times. I am coming upon some venting round about July 23, nearly a month after H. took a powder. I’m getting angry I see and it now makes me happy to see that I am. Good for me. But I think having Blagued these things once is good enough for now. Here is a rerun from July 26 whch may actually be the culprit but it is a posting of which I remain very proud:
You may’ve deluded yourself into believing that my forwarding you the “concern trolling” messages from L and he who must not be named was simply a reactionary act, something emotionally charged, but I assure it was not. Yes, to receive a message from an acquaintance whom I met through J and N, two years ago, who subsequently drunkenly tried to seduce me at your last New Year’s Eve party, is annoying. Especially as it signaled that my once dear friend who introduced us, a friend I reached out to multiple times this past month, with no response back, would have spread the news in her inimitable way. Then to wake to a message from him, someone who has not once contacted me in all these years. The person with whom our host ridiculed her so-called best friend. That sickening morning—I always tried to get up and eat and depart before the early gossip ensued—when that mouth breather and you raked poor JJ, who wasn’t there to defend herself, over the coals for her “no talent.” I was near to retching. And so was someone else who may now be loath to admit it. A Leo who prides himself on loyalty is the most opposite of it in the negative expression thereof. Shame. And, so what? You return to your friendship, a phony, keeping hidden the fact that you trash your best friend, and to and with whom? A sycophantic manipulator? A hijacker of conversations? A getter of weddings? A blowhard? Imagine, imagine, how she would feel if she ever thought (though she does suspect, she’s not fucking stupid) that you make fun of her with many people on the regular, that you condemn her to strangers whom she’s never met. Meanwhile your vaping stooge was already in on the joke—this was nothing new, this trash talk, this was well-worn territory…it wasn’t the first time you together made her the butt of your joke. We both left the breakfast table in absolute disgust. We didn’t say a word, we exchanged looks and I think both thought that if we made this silent move it might send a message. It didn’t. One may disagree with me now, of course, but I wouldn’t know because we are no longer connected. The fifth house of Leo is “co-creation with god” and people of the sign like to play it to the hilt, deciding who can do or gain or receive what as a result of what you bestow. We have been the recipients of your incredible kindness and generosity but we have also felt the undelicious sting of your suddenly pulling it out from under us. Something that smarted for years. Loyalty is something neither of you two kennel dwellers understand. I have always been exactly who I am. I came out to my parents at seventeen and to everyone at at nineteen. The first time we were ever in bed together there was another boy with us. It was innocent enough. In Paris the year we all met, Amy and J and Max and J and L, I had dates with othe boys. L, you even made breakfast for me and a friend one morning after returning from a sleepover at S’s. It didn’t matter then to me and it doesn’t matter now. I fell in love with the most beautiful and intriguing and captivating and interesting person on the planet. She happened to be an inny. But I have always liked outtys too. And I never hid the fact. Others, you, gradually started hiding the fact; such that I felt, oh well, I guess, if I’m going to get love at this point I better start hiding it more and more too. But not really. I expressed who I was. I spoke to my bisexuality on stage. Hell, I even did M drag on the boat. Yes, I did Brando, too, but, remember I’m the one with the tasteful makeup and ensemble in the photo from Dizzy Place in Paris for L’s 21st birthday in 1986. I’ve remained true to myself and I applaud others, especially those I love more than anyone in the world (that’s you), doing likewise. But this shit? This shit?. This embargo on communication and information and friendship. Treating me like I’m a disease—this is the most disloyal act of all. And each of you are perpetrating it in your own way. I’m a good person. And none of your gaslighting revisionist bullshit is going to ever make the likes of me think otherwise. So, tell your concern trolls to fuck the fuck off. I don’t want any insidious messages from them. I don’t like or respect them. And, unless a miracle were to occur, you don’t get to know me anymore. And that is my decision, not yours bitch.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.
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