Taurus 2° (April 21)
Wrote to John and Bridget as today is their birthday. I did a bit of cleaning, just the minimum, and I got caught up on my writing. I have a bit of a break from the kitchen as S. is making Caesar Salad for lunch and all I’ll do is rinse of romaine. I was thinking about working a bit of magic under the simple guise of just saying it can even make it happen. My goal is to get to a very simple place and just remain there. I mean I really can stop here or at least I should but I know myself and I won’t I am a productinator of the first order. I will do anything productive to avoid a task at hand that is making me tense. Not sure why that is but it does happen to me from time to time. It’s pretty low stakes but if I do a good job that is a good thing. Just when you thought handwritten notes might be making a comeback. I feel like I’m surrounded by technology, but that I don’t really know a damned thing about it. I need to back off the legumes again. I’m a bit in agony from all the chickpeas. I came upon a daily planner from 2014, a large green hardcover, which I barely wrote upon. And so I’m going to make that my journal now, as lord knows I could use one. The Fact is that I have had the same bunch of notebooks floating around in rotation and they are probably all of them pretty well up to date and to snuff. I have one large thin shiny black hardcover—well I actually have two the same—but only one of them is annotated in this strange way. Where, I’ve gone through it, year on year, crossing out notes I’ve had in there for so long. The thing is everyone has notebooks filled with thoughts which, when you revisit them, prove to still be on your hopes and wishes (if not your to-do) list. And the thing is that my writing is really forever in that it is online and retrievable. Do you often think about how any loved one is going to access any material of yours floating out there (or even get into your computer to retrieve documents) upon your demise? I do.
I heard back from John. He was very sweet. I always feel a bit of crisscross in our conversation but I’m going to let that be his not mine, I beat myself up for enough in this life. Our meeting (S.’s and mine) got moved until next week, which is fine. I’m hiding out, basically, until Friday in any case. I do see things getting cleared up and cleaned up and that makes me happy. There are only ten days left of April and I don’t want to rush the works. This is a fabulous time of year and I want to let myself feel that. I’m looking for no tension or conflict. I don’t care what people thing (only I do, still, but I’m working on it). Did I mention my own personal Draco Malfoy and how referring to him as such kind of says it all about him and how things were always going to be. I want the pleasure of figuring out the world. I want the opportunity and the freedom to purpot. There is no kind of right I have to be in writing the new book. I just want to enjoy this next widget. If book two were to become a success story, that would truly bode well for the entire brand. Right I was going to write about the magic that I think is available here. And why I am connecting so much to Circe as well. I need to read her for an hour before dinner, which still leaved me plenty of time to accomplish what needs doing today and tomorrow. And for all the tomorrows. I might just leave here in about twenty minutes and do the curbside thing and then work from three until five and read that book for an hour. As I move into more multi-tasking a few days I will consolidate my efforts and combine this writing with other needing accomplishing as well. If I were to talk myself through it, I simply get up and start writing. And at the end of the day the sum total of that day’s writing will comprise this Blague for awhile. I tie off today’s Blague and then set up for tomorrow, so all I’ll need to do is wake and write and tie off once again and then set up. It should not feel like a vicious circle (or else why am I doing this in the first place) but rather like an important ritual. So that will be in itself the motor and the expression of the charm of making, the work of the practice of it all. The intention will be kept very high indeed. I don’t think I really at much in the morning in Paris. Rather I believe that I was naturally doing an intermittent fast. The problem now is that I tend to have too much in the way of toast in the morning and feel weighted down. That no longer has to be part of the plot.
No, I actually think I’m in a good place. I will spend the next five minutes clearing the debris from my desk and then when I come back there will only be one thing needing doing that is ceasing to avoid that which I have been avoiding all day. I am putting the right vibe out there. I am working very hard on the intention. I should say more about that. Even in the process of drafting and writing and all of it, I have to be weaving with the knowledge or wisdom that there is a link between the making of the work and the inevitability of limitless success. I want to experiment with the whole notion of belief as I read through all that needs reading through, and then writing accordingly in the process. For starters it’s not too much to ask, and secondly it is really quite a challenge for the mind. I do love a swimming pool, and a very large one, that I can swim at will. I also like to go to the sea but I have become less obsessed with that notion in the wake of shark attacks and deaths. And, anyway, I really want the exercise that a pool might offer. So as I look for what I’m looking for I think I might want that to be part of the package. It was absolutely mind-blowing to find that there was a pool in the basement of my friend’s house in London. A pool! Which is just too fabulous and unheard of all at the same time. The amount of energy required to generate it, alone! I mean I have to tell you that the pool at the Town Hall in Bethnal Green is really quite a gift and I would make it my business to stay at that hotel in the future for a great many reasons—it is close to Shoreditch and Columbia Road and Broadway Market and lots of fun things. I cannot fathom the fact that we once again didn’t get to meet up with Debs and Neil. Next time would be the goal. I might write them and the Tiffany’s at some point in the coming days. Okay, now I am completely where I need to be to get a jump, now, on tomorrow’s project.
The following blocks of texs are exceprts from my first year of Blagues, nos. 156-160 I am reading through all my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, but the time I get to my seventh, I will have through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize:
There was an acting teacher called Bill Esper—I wonder if he’s still around. I remember he was famous for getting actors, both men and women, to access their vaginas. Remember, the Virgin of the Zodiac is called Kore, from whom the word core derives. And we all have a real or metaphoric hoo-ha—you might say this is a yoniversal fact. In the spirit of ye olde yin and yang, the power of passivity can be quite strong indeed, and enduring, while aggression, which happens in a burst, isn’t always sustainable. How did Betty White put it? Oh yeah: ‘”Why do people say ‘grow some balls”? Balls are week and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.” Such a great quote, that.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360 degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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