Sagittarius 20° (December 12)

Trying to make sense of it all but it isn’t as easy as all that. Get into that healing feeling. It’s time for that. I don’t really have that much to say today it’s been really hard getting started on all this larger project work with the distractions of stress and the kind of stress that really doesn’t need to be a part of my life it’s just added on by other small minded nobody’s. And I really do believe that you get back what you put out there and I actually feel bad for people like farmer ******** because he is really seriously messing with his own karma but that’s his problem not mine. I’d like to get more into the dictate function using that to move the spoon it really is quite easy just to sit back and talk and not have to do all this typing and get all balled up in the shoulders. I think that we made the right move dealing with this new council and also I think it was the right thing to do to send a note to the folks down in Orleans. It really was their responsibility to do their due diligence and they didn’t do it and that’s their problem it shouldn’t really be ours anyway I’m just going to keep moving on and try to feel good and relaxed and get some exercise my muscles moving. 

The following blocks of text are exceprts from my first year of  Blagues, nos. 1276-1280. I am reading through all of my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, by the time I get to my seventh, I will have journeyed through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize. Year seven, I’ll only have to read through year six, once a day.

Wood being delivered today and I will also get industrial vacuum so to rid the basement of cobwebs. Sounds fun doesn’t it? Oh, I’ll also have to put the hoses away. That’s a project in itself. I will forget however to get the storm door put on. I do now have the lease for next year. We have been spending our evenings singing which I think is pretty wonderful. I really don’t know any other couples that go to the piano after mealtime and sing out, Louise (which is Stella’s “Salon Name”). I saw Gypsy again recently and it was really quite great. I love who animated Rosalind Russell is in any case. She is the perfect film star cuz she can deliver rapid-fire changes in emotion and temperament in a very quick span of time which is wonderful for film. In the end it might have made her seem canned to critics. But I couldn’t disagree more. She’s in my top ten favorite actresses because she knew how to work the clutch. This business is half method and half Lucille Ball. I say that with conviction. When I was studing at HB studios with Ed Morehouse, before I moved on to Uta (and then back to Ed ere long)….I was doing the proper thing; I was using my actions and objectives and letting things move in on me and opening to sense memory and all of that but I said to Ed is it also ok to add some, how do you say, performance to all this. And he said, and I paraphrase: Yes, you do all of that. But you also do Lucille Ball. And I knew what he meant. He meant that you had to animate yourself and the scene and all of it for the stage. That there had to be a soupcon of schmaltz, not that Lucy was ever schmaltz. The brilliance of Lucy was that she was an actress and approached even the most camp and crackpot situations as if they were really happening. She was underappreciated as an artist who could do that on the big screen in dramas or classy comedies. She should have had the chance to do kind of movies Rosalind Russell did or Katharine Hepburn did. I remember someone asked Katharine Hepburn about Lucille and she said Lucille is a clown. That I thought was rude. Yes Lucy had the clowning skills—her mentor was Buster Keaton who tought here a thing or two about or thing or two–but Lucy was as good an actress as Hepburn but just didn’t hit that way with audiences. Kate Hepburn we effing lousy until she got to ’39 or ’40. Lucy was always good because she was open and tried. Kate’s personality onscreen wasn’t much different the way it was off. Stage Door is a perfectly prophetic film. Lucy and Ginger Rodgers are cousins. I always liked that fact.

I am super into going back into my cahiers and starting to create a world of developing aesthetic. I am in no rush to do anything anymore. Thursday will be one seventy one. Saturday will be one sixty nine. Monday could be one sixty seven. I begin writing the show. In the meantime I stumbled upon this yesterday:

Since as long as I can remember we have always called synchronicity: sign posts. A string of which one wants to characterize the majority of ones circumstance if possible. Sign posts are instant communion with the infinite/eternity. They say you’re on the right track, keep going. We’re always try to help clients open up to them. The night before last Penny Arcade participated in an art show and addressed the audience, touching on the subject of synchronicity. And how ones life should be all about it. The way she deliverd it was hysterical. I can only paraphrase: something like: If you’re not experiencing synchronicity with some regularity by the time you’re fifty you’re pretty much fucked. I could feel Stella mentally raising the roof and silently offering amen, as I was. So yesterday I found a journal from 1992 and thereabouts. I hadn’t opened it since. I had decided in the morning I was “going to do nothing all day” which, I find, can be a recipe for a) doing more than usual; while b) letting things happen to you. So I sat and went through this journal for a few hours and of course there were phrases I still write in journals. You know those. When you’re like, holy merde, I was saying that to myself all the way back then?…The physical journal itself came to me in a magical way. It was an empty book, blank white paper, hard red cover; the only thing in it was a title of sorts cursively written on the overleaf, in pencil—to be revealed at a later date!—and the price of 50¢ in the same pencilled hand. I wrote in it during a difficult chapter in all our lives. So many of the loving lights in our lives were being snuffed out by AIDS. The pain was palpable. And its all over the journal. As is synchronicity which suffused my Sunday, yesterday. In real time the journal chronicled the years I worked with Tony Randall’s National Actors Theater. My first year I was an intern and something of a costume-changing live prop in the Feydeau farce, A Little Hotel on the Side, at the Belasco. The second year I understudied three parts, and went on for a run in one of them, in The Seagull, directed by Marshall Mason, at the Lyceum. Marshall was also directing Larry Kramer’s The Destiny of Me, downtown, starring John Cameron Mitchell. Marshall took us all to see it and that’s how I first met JCM. The journal is this double helix of absolute elation at being on Broadway as a young actor in New York and of utter sadness, fear, dread, horror and surpassing anger. Finding and reading this journal brought me right back. As did, of course, Larry Kramer’s The Normal Heart last night on HBO. Then an actor I hadn’t seen since she too appeared in A Little Hotel on the Side: Daniele Ferland, who was already a great actress as a teen when I first met her, appeared in the cast. More Proustian waves. And, in a particularly poignant moment in The Normal Heart, the mention of Wellfleet from whence I watched. Then Mad Men was waiting on demand. Robert Morse. That same Seagull year at NAT we performed a benefit for the company and I got to share the stage with that genius. I watch Mad Men religiously. But last night, as it began, I thought I’ve loved Robert Morse since I was a baby. (I remember thinking it was aweird-glorious synchronity meeting him at the time—but, as it was, I had been working on a Tony Randall impersonation at Gotham City improv when I first met him, so I wouldn’t say I was getting the feeling I was conjuring people to me, but I wasn’t going to discount the possibility either). So last night watching Mad Men I thought, I’m going to take to social networking today singing Robert Morse’s praises. And then a prescient flash. I have an inkling: this is going to Robert Morse’s episode. And so it was. And in such I way—I won’t spoil it—that makes the hair on the back of my beyond still stand on end. Yesterday was potent and affirming and fun.

I couldn’t even tell you what happened today. All I know is that I’m getting a bit weird. It’s the repetitive writing work. I’m not in control of it somehow, but I know it will come out alright in the end. It sort of has to at this point. We’ve been social in the evenings which is always fun and there is so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to. I think of my young friends who died. I always think of them this time of year because my first experience of this was when my close childhood friend died in 1988. For the first time ever I Googled him and discovered he was a year older than I thought. He must have been kept back a year in school? But he was so brilliant; but probably impossible to control. Or the online records are incorrect. Anyway he was the first to go. We were just rekindling our friendship and I could tell we were about to embark on a major new chapter but it was never to be. So many things never to be. I believe that I am at a crossroads today and I have a choice here whether to survive this turning point. It’s always hard to move forward because you then have to admit that you squandered so much of the past. I did that. We all have I suppose to some degree; but I do feel a lot of regret and pain over bridges burned; but if I live in that I will never make it into this next important phase of being.

I’m excited to move forward I actually need to move forward. I want to feel new feelings. I can’t keep dragging some past behind me. I need to make new magic and hopefully, in so doing, I will be able to repair. It’s already happening. I’m not going to be rushed. I’ll get to stuff when I get to it. The trip is already shaping up to be quite business-y; it’s a great boon that that is the case. And it looks like we’ll be able to see all our friends after all. It’s time to change the narrative in a major way. It reminds me:

There comes a day, after a sleepless night, when the anxieties of life morph into purpose. The impetus to express what that is inevitably fades in the attempt. There is the retreating regret that it has taken some fifty years for some semblance of revelation to occur. It is alchemical, the shift. And it must be total.

I’ve always suspected that life couldn’t be lived in half measures, though I see others do so, seemingly succesfully, all the time.

For me, on this day marking the first third of a year past my fiftieth birthday, I can be filled with recrimination for any so-called waste of time I caused or I can see it as an accumulation of fuel to further myself and “sin no more.” And just plan to live longer.

I glean in myself a dual purpose. A most original but heretofore largely ignored, save in spurts, dedication to the theatre; and one devoted to the continually unfolding discovery of my spiritual self. I enjoy the fact that stage and sacred space, theater and temple, performance and priesthood are historically and culturally linked, once one and the same.

Synchronicity is symptomatic support by the universe of ones realization and pursuit of their individual spark of purpose.

I needed reminding of the above. Everything is all of a piece. I need to limit the distractions now at this point. And to tie it all together

I have never really liked Halloween. I have a lot of trauma surrounding it I think. One year I wasn’t allowed to go because I had to go to a Giants game with my father. I hated going to the Giants games. They were so boring. They never through the ball. It was just constant grunting and drunk men peeing in giant troughs. It was just disturbing over all. When I would go I would end up being tortured somehow. Or it was some kind of reminder of how marginalized I was by other kids in those years before high-school popularity popped in. Lots of urban myths surrounding this day. And it always seemed a holiday for the low-brow. Roseanne likes Halloween. And the population of Provincetown loves it too. But nowadays the people that populate the place all seem to have expert costumers, hair and makeup artists. It’s just a stupid holiday overall. And one reason never ever to move to Salem, Massachusetts. I do want to make some strong decisions and some bold moves. I need to limit what we do overall and to focus, focus, focus. A blast from the past:

 The Aries Woman

She likes to be pursued and can be quite cool and aloof, deriving a special thrill from watching her suitors fight over her. In a love bond, the Aries girl tends to wear the pants and often prefers flings to more serious relationships.

The Aries Man

He needs to be the pursuer in the relationship and will fight for the woman he loves. But he’s also unapologetic in his brash approach, just as he is about his sudden disinterest in a woman. So it’s best to try to keep this man guessing.

The Taurus Woman

She needs to be prized and often prefers all things feminine, if not a bit frilly. This gal also typically has a checklist of required attributes in a partner and she’ll hold out for “the one” to come along. Patience is a Bull girl’s premier virtue.

The Taurus Man

He needs to be worshipped — in the worst way. As the zodiac’s “collector,” he likes to know there are many women carrying a torch for him at any given time, but he’ll appreciate a take-charge partner who outshines all others in her pursuit of him.

The Gemini Woman

A Gemini woman is really into messing with a guy’s head. She likes to be in control, and yet she’s also the most vulnerable of the signs.

The Gemini Man

This is a guy who wants to have fun. His role in all things relationship- and sex-oriented can be related to his Peter Pan complex — he doesn’t seem to want to grow up.

The Cancer Woman

Cancer woman — talk about sexy. Not only does she have a ton of sexual needs but, of all the signs, she is also the most sexually demonstrative.

The Cancer Man

The Cancer man is the greatest lover of women. He’s very attune to a woman’s needs and appreciates really in-charge females.

The Leo Woman

She loves passion, yet she doesn’t want to be overpowered. This woman tends to seek out men who are fiery, but who also love their moms.

The Leo Man

He typically seeks women with natural beauty and can have an old-fashioned view of what a woman’s role should be. Yet, he doesn’t want a pushover — you’ll need to be authoritative or he’ll lose interest.

The Virgo Woman

The Virgo woman is the Eliza Doolittle of the signs: She wants to “do little” when it comes to her relationships. She is also inclined to make herself over into what she believes her man wants.

The Virgo Man

This guy tends to try to change his mate — he has this perfection thing going. Often he ends up with women who find that sort of attention nurturing. There’s an altruistic aspect to his behavior … very Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady.

The Libra Woman

The Libra woman likes pretty mates — she’s very attracted to androgynous beauty. In terms of her relationship habits, she doesn’t want to be second banana: She needs to be in control.

The Libra Man

He is very into women who have both classical beauty and high self-esteem. This guy tends to go for women who keep themselves on pedestals.

The Scorpio Woman

She wants to kill off every bad quality a guy has; that way he can become his best possible self — which means she needs a partner who will let her make him over from the inside out.

The Scorpio Man

He isn’t overwhelmed by anything female. In relationships he is all or nothing, seeking body and soul possession. Scorpios are the sexiest sign, yet they don’t generally feel that way, especially the men.

The Sagittarius Woman

A Sagittarius woman wants to blind you with her radiance. And she typically looks for a man like Sex and the City‘s Mr. Big.

The Sagittarius Man

This guy is very “try-sexual” — he has few boundaries in the bedroom. He is also over-the-top in both his affections and in his demands. Typically, he goes for a glamazon type of woman.

The Capricorn Woman

This woman tends to like her men young. She also enjoys being worshiped, yet she’ll always keep a large part of herself hidden.

The Capricorn Man

This guy can be a tough one, as he isn’t always forthcoming. He is apt to have a wife at home and some sexy sugar on the side (and tends to like ’em young).

The Aquarius Woman

She is the most easygoing of the female signs — she can live in a man’s world, even when it’s littered with pizza boxes. But she always keeps a suitcase packed under the bed … and when she’s gone, she’s gone for good.

The Aquarius Man

This guy wants to play guru and be followed. He also wants to decide what his and his mate’s lifestyle will be like, meaning he has to be with a woman who is comfortable letting a guy make all the decisions for her.

The Pisces Woman

A Pisces woman wants it all: She craves the sexy beast, the artist and the guy who will bring home the bacon. And she often goes from one man to another.

The Pisces Man

He needs a confident woman who doesn’t seek any kind of validation. This guy is emotionally hands-off, believing that if you must discuss or analyze your feelings, they cease to be real.

S went to Boston this morning. I am going to try to finish what I started. I will have no distractions (unfortunately) and I will get through the last two signs but for these damned Pisces intros. What is it about that sign that confounds me. Anyway also addicted to new Sabrina on Netflix. I was a huge fan of Archies Comics as a kid. I loved all the gang. I think of them in terms of archetype now. Like I know Archie is a Leo and that Reggie is a Scorpio. I want to say Veronica might also be Scorpio but she could also be a Taurus. And Betty could be Taurus or Libra. I want to say Taurus because she’s the more natural one—the Maryann to Veronica’s Ginger—but she’s really kind of smart and almost a bit androgyne in her spirit so I’m going to say she’s a Libra. And I’m going to make the southern belle that is Veronica a Taurus, because she does have that feigned innocence thing going on.

It’s still a parable bc maybe theres a certain kind of wisdom that is beyond us.Go higher than Bill M. Logical, structured and valid system for self-realizationJung, Steiner, and other mystics an seers that Joseph Campbell bc it is a system that is complex and seemingly very carefully thought out an steeped in myth and therefore imbued with that powerPersonal development Developing our NPR PBS aspect of our brand Which has always been there With wit and humor is a huge part of the appeal

Radio and television is entertaining enlightenment

Cheeky and a bit sexy or provocative

Sextrology the evolution of the writing was a combination of us wanting to assert a philosophy of the signs by gender archetype and yet the publisher was looking for a sexy astrology book, we weren’t going to say no, so we managed to create this high low hybrid that really resonated with readers and was unique to the genre. We’re still unique to the genre. Additionally, we put this fashionable spin on it. Our publishers didn’t believe we would pull of what we did. Fast forward fifteen years and the world has caught up to the genre(s) we pioneered in our chic, progressive way. So yeah…I came upon a list…or rather a sort of collection of thoughts. It is probably nearly a year old.

Event planner list

Magazine editor list. March is the start of the astrological new year. Your Year in Love, Abundance, and Creativity. Paris consultation. Quiet short term let Paris then to Switzerland then to Venice and back then to Zurich and some place fab en route back to Paris. Fashion Week? Fly roundtrip Danish Air.

Well I’m sure it was about the product, or rather about the getting of the money for the product. I need to let people know in no uncertain terms that this is what we’re doing: raising money; and that there is a percentage/fee in it for anyone who brings in X-amount. I want to find the money myself I really truly do. It comes down to asking people with millions to burn—starting with those closest to me, but not those who pay for Afterglow that’s a different situation.

I want to go through and profile people on Facebook, one at a time, to profile who they are and what they do and to outline them. I know I will never do this.  Also through the birthday list to determine what signs they are for the coming year. Also need to make a list of things to discuss with Shira. All these things surface while I’m swimming. Also to revisit the budget and make some magic truly happen in the coming year.

I mentioned swimming which makes me think that I may have made these notes while staying at the Aldwych, which is not only my favorite place to swim but one of my proverbial happy places. As tacky as that hotel can be in a number of ways there is something about being able to go to that pool that is just brilliant. I am headin to London next week—but not staying there—but perhaps I can return to happyville anyway.

A little bit of dada: Slaughter of the innocents. Flow and Ease. Cartouche. Waht was that thing we talked about? Avatar 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Framing lessons? Want to make faux modern art with found paint and objects. What is hay house. Here I am.  I was born with a birthmark that ran/runs from my left breast down and around along my left arm. My family called it the cofee stain.

So begins my making some notes for our new show coming up in just five weeks. I’m a bit late getting started but what the hell that’s okay. It will actually be weeks before I have anything solid but the good news is I’m not reinventing the wheel and the song choices will come to light as they always do. Tornado warning in effect now! Academic Taja Peeps. Making molehills out of mountains. Any old crap (a w’s guide). Writing sic. might be in a sense, like writing series of pamplets. I was going to do diary of a n.w…but sic can be writing about writing, relating times in my life in terms of what I was doing with words. The Cosmic Blague and American Baroness are surely our “culural essayist” assays. Both are also deeply steeped in observational comedy. Show-wise, I think we can be sildly powetic, metaphysical, funny, musical, wise and magic.

Gemini: I like the notion of Mercury having the inside track. Expert at lots of business, acting wise, close at hand. Everything happening in quick succession. She’s doing so much. Like a Rosalind Russell.

Libra: He can be the most misunderstood, the most scrutinized or feels himself to be. Libra is great at the outside of ideas, shaping and branding existing entities especially. Not so great with internal process? Not sure about that one. The Candidate & The Class.

Scorpio Woman: Looking for the making of a man. She “catches” ideas like a spider in a web. Perhaps both men and women of the sign seek to catch you in a web.

Sag: Eye on the target but TK a great expanse. Wanderlust.

I was alone this weekend but it wasn’t very eventful. I did get in touch with Dave which was long overdue; and was entertaining watching some James Bond. I cannot crack the code on these two last signs but I will do so by the time S. comes home on Saturday. I am feeling fairly optimistic at this juncture. I have a number of wheels in motion but that is the point: they are in motion. I’m starting to get some design ideas already too which is pretty wonderful. In many ways S. and I are so much in synch. It is obvious to me that I have to be the rather mysterious man behind the curtain with this new enterprise. It’s not a place I want to be the “face”; of course when it comes to events I will be very much involved.

I binge watched all of House of Cards this season and, though it wasn’t the most magnificent thing I’ve seen on television I did think it was better than most and the acting really turned me on. Also just getting closer and, mostly, en route to getting it: seeing Robin Wright in action. There is no better designed mechanism than she walking in heels.

Contents of the little blue notebook: Start an “estracted sotries” file into which to flow show, s+c W.I.T. material. Put the sponsors on the webstie. Download contracts G. Potter, Fishback, Illustrious, Tamy Faye. Abel. A serious argument for astrology (I think we will do that tomorrow). Blue Paint, Mail Spot, Yoga shorts. John Kelly; votives.

That little splay of experience in words reminds me of times I’d go to JD’s to bathe. I’d bring all my stuff and sort of plop down in the kitchen and stand around the omphalos, that tree-section round table, cutting board he had. This time of year is tough, with Thanksgiving coming up. I never thought certain experiences would end and then they do and it just feels awful. But reading that wonderful thing today about grief, something I do assign to the sign of Scorpio in that: Grief is an honor of sorts. That when we grieve we give praise. Something along those lines. I’ll go back to the little blue notebook and see what I can find:

Leo man is god co-creator. Lipnik, Krone, Jungr, King, Self, Steele. I am reminded that I need to check in with everybody about their emotional whereabouts. I am determined to take stock of folks. Next Glow Molly Pope? Julien Fleischer? Blue Yarn Sweater underam fix hole white shirt. Confirm. People, whether unconsciously or consciously who seem…Leo woman plays cat and mouse. Superpowers. Dissolving drifting The Sinking siren. 77 Parrats. 78 Grease. Trace’s house (after freshman year) also beach haven with alnors? 76 Traces monica tampon…oh that was 79

Monday. List of outstanding materials. August info build website/exel program. Plop in photos. Make roster. Create tix infor for venue. Flow all to Jesse. Tuesday Book Train and Ferry and Hotel Confirm MFA. Eight weeks offensive.

You have to include everything. You can’t be so black or white. You are not good nor are you evil if you indulge in certain behaviors whether or not said behavior is good for you. It needn’t have resonance behind it’s own action—it needn’t be the sign of some spin down or other. You don’t have prents looking over your should and you’re inot in trouble. A thought that is comforting to know that friends might play that part in your life sometime. You have an off-switch and you know when to use it. Like now. YOu can ritualize instead of rationalize. Imagine that guild doesn’t play a part.

Read the Bhagavad Gita. I cannot believe I spelled that correctly just typing wildly. It’s almost weird that this is true. I have always thought to travel with it and to keep it as my spritual substance. I think I will do that!!


To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2020 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2020 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.