On top of it all, we have costumes to put together for a fancy dress party in Scotland. I didn’t use “fancy dress” to be sound affected but rather to find a synonym for costumes, as I don’t love repeating myself.
Hopefully nobody’s reading this but we’re going to go as a post-apocalyptic Melania and Barron sort of zombies but with some Mary-Jesus overtones (did you notice that Melania worke della robbia blue to the corona-…I mean the inauguration?
I don’t know dear reader me thinks I might be barking up the totally wrong tree here. Or let’s make that trees plural. I am in a period of things ending me-thinks and I really need to look at my solar return chart even though I don’t really know my birth time just vicinity surrounding.
I try not to sound too reactive to things. It’s one of my whatever you call its in twelve-step programs meaning fatal flaws. I’ll think of it. Anyway, I feel myself in a mental-nervous spin down and I’m want to catch myself. I think that this is what this time is for: The joy that can be had from purposefully keeping your head above water, exercising your will to maintain integrity.
Some part of my brain likes to write.
It’s ironic, paradoxical that this is the most dire year yet in regard to fundraising for my festival, and lots of other things are unraveling (one of our artist’s shows is called Unraveling btw). We are coming to another crossroads where things that have been traditionally in place are no longer available. The kicker is that I’m finding myself getting a feeling of elation from things falling apart. I get a visual flash in my mind of a modern northern city. That’s the celtic witch “visual feelings” thing I get.
The truth is I need to build my non-profit work as a business and I’m down for doing that. I will certainly get to the lemniscate year; and I will surely try out the touring bit, but I can no longer get locked into personal weirdnesses with people. This was an off year, what with the oaf and all.
What is becoming clear: I want to perform and I almost feel urged, as a form of survival, to give it the greatest go. Performing as a duo or solo almost feels now like a life raft I’m clinging to. Things fall apart and we need let them. Things are the universe, the grand other with which you are having a relationship—that is a searing aspect of Aquarius, ruled by Uranus, personification of the universe. Uni (one) verse? Well, in French, I know, Aquarius is verseau, meaning vessel (grail, cup) of the Water Bearer, so the universe is one big vessel pouring, what?, itself?
Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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