Pisces 0° (February 18)
As if things couldn’t get more intense. The come to hey Zeus moment happens in a big away. She has infiltrated my personal sanctum, which is cool. I like to be exposed. I need to be. It’s the only way to move forward. I will always be me and she, more so. And as we travel along the path this is what we will find. I do think I’m in a place, as I said yesterday, ofworking the contracted time frame. I have always worked under pressure and so here it is. Not just the time constraint but also the concentrated energy of genius which is available but in a flash. I think a flash can last three or four months but not a year. All I need in preparation was exactly right to do. Molly is born this day and has always been an Aquarius but one wonders if that was an accurate reading.
The following blocks of text are exceprts from my first year of Blagues, nos. 1611-1615. I am reading through all of my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, by the time I get to my seventh, I will have journeyed through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize. Year seven, I’ll only have to read through year six, once a day.
Today I’m slightly more productive but only because we decided to keep it somewhat real. Watched the end of the entire series of Unbelievable and I have to say it was fairly ok. I am zeroing in on my work and on my feelings. Today is not today. Today is two days hence. And for the third night in a row I have awoken at two-thirty in the morning. This is not good, and once again I feel I need to take a bit of a mental health day, where I will finish the so-called busy work, I will make some headway on tee shirts. I will write a check and put it in an envelope and mail it. I will map out my schedule. I will put through laundry. And I will read and read and re-read all my notes. I need to get off the merry go round which actually has stopped. I will figure out all this doctor stuff. It’s just boring and nothing more. I don’t know how I feel about Griffin Dunne, but I do know I love Vanessa Redgrave. I see people, drunk, presenting live missives on social media and all I can think is that they are operating in a blackout. I will watch the Joan Didion documentary several times over and over. The evenings have been ending badly and I can’t even tell you now which one is which. I think tonight will be particularly maleficent but I’m not really clear on that either. I know I’m nearly ready. It’s now six thirty and I’ve been up for four hours. I don’t mind being this shagged out. I will find a way, without fail to sleep in the day. I only hope I won’t have someone under my window playing a radio. I’m panicked at the thought of it actually. I must find various ways to stave off that sort of aggravation. The true recovery begins today. I’m not good to anybody being this tired. The timing really couldn’t be worse for this doucebag and hi evil deck that injured me so severely. I think I’m finally getting angray about it. I need to make sure that all is okay. I need to also mention to the doc that I have a terrible ache now that it wakes me up. I will get myself the rehabilitation i deserve. My bones feel a bit creakier than they should but that is just a matter of being too sedentary these past months.
I have a good eighteen to twenty days to make a wow, here. And even then it will be handed off and looked at and polished to perfection or else what would be the point in submitting it. Those evil fuckers at the William Morris Agency. They will pay. Well, really, they already have haven’t they? Because they have to be agents. Anyway it’s weird to watch a show and know a whole bunch of actors on it. I really just need to get some major thoughts down today. I do not have to reinvent the wheel. I’m going to do what I need to do for myself today and then I can be available to others. I actually couldn’t remember the name of the agent who represented us for years at William Morris—I spent an hour trying to let the name come to me. It isn’t so much a matter of my memory. It is hinged upon the fact, not only that the trauma of the experience drives her from my brain, but because she was so vacuuous a being in the end, a nervously blinking adding machine, making money for the WME factory. Today I am doing this entry, the one for tomorrow and the one for the day after. That is my job. Then I will have met myself, if you know what I mean by that. If you have spent anytime reading me on here you would know that.
Oh I see what’s going on here. We are living in illusion or is it allusion. We only have a few minutes to make some magic here so we better get cracking. The places your mind will go. Oh, Amy, I had your back. It’s so sad how sad things can be. Her mother died and obviously she got to a place where she had more free money and it turned her a bit into an asshole, but she was always a different kind of one anyway. I loved Anne. I tried a thousand times with Amy. And then she ended up turning on me anyway. I want to record this somewhere. Otherwise it would be so unfair to myself. The trouble with angels. Virgo woman is not my favorite character. Maybe I’ll do another sign first. I’ll do Sagittarius first and then Virgo, or some such. Virgo fucking depresses me. The Radiance. The Rhythm. The Beat. The Best. The Spark. The Pilot. The Pure. It is very possible I need to do a quick disappearing disguise act (how Virgo) because soon I will not be alone and I need to be asleep frankly. I know what I need. I need to meet people in real time. And I need to take myself out for a few days. I need to swim and spa. I think that might be what I do? With my time? When I’m alone spree for a spa? Is this really me. No. It most definitely is not. I am listening to commercial, terrestrial radio playing hits from the seventies, with some early eighties sprinkled in. Oh em gee the early eighties. I was at the coming of age age and it feels so wonderful to remember the feeling which makes me feel really happy to know that I was happy then when my mind would have convinced me I was unhappy then I guess I wasn’t. I loved being alive at that time of life. I loved going off to college, reading my catalogue, something that became a later theme,
First thing I’ll do today is get Brad what he needs. The second thing I’ll do is petty cash—mustn’t forget all the housekeeping tips—then, thirdly, I will check on the deadline for the VSB grant. And go down the list of the witches to make sure all is feeling copacetic for the Witch Camp performance in November. I did a helluva lot more than that yesterday, oops, I mean today, he he ha ha he. Shut up. I’m drinking my favorite ale right now the Devil’s Purse Kolsch. I’m a Kolsch kinda guy. If you’re ever wondering what beer to send me (in bulk) please make it that. I wonder if I’ll be surprised any second. I know what I have to do in the next five minutes. I have to make myself easy. Try not to get worried try not to turn…All I can or will do today (which is many days) is watch Joan Didion bio-doc, over and over and over again. It must be a french name. She has a French face. Simian. Which is a symptom mainly of being a Sagittarian—my old friend Elizabeth Marvel could easily play her, they look so much alike, E. being a Sadge too. Oh well am I surprised. AS I say I can only do the best I can. I have two kids in the can. Could you imagine me a father? It is naive now to think that, even if you have kids, they will go on. Our democracy is under siege and we will take to the streets in protest. I will set up my soap box. I will ask the question can I speak publicly. And this is how far I’ve gotten. They will be home soon. And I will interact. And I will try to do my best. And tomorrow will be different. The first George Bush was so handsome when he was younger and I hate the fact that I think so. Even Dick Cheney thinks he (himself) is handsome. That’s how he presents. We have to remember that these assholes were part of the reason we are now in all this mess. All the ties to Saudi Arabia. That second Bush, too, with the erosion of civil liberties. The so-called Patriot Act. Go eff yourself.
I had a good friend in high school whose name was Dick and never once did I hear anyone make a crack about it. Dick was an athlete, an intellect, he went on to be a college professor, the fact us he became/remained an academic speaking volumes on his being a) a Virgo; b) not as type A as he appeared; and c) unambitious and priveleged in equal measure. His surname, in German, translated to Bath House. I really had such affection for him. He will never know. I would love to see him, to tell him. That his friendship toward me was a savior. We had such fun. I really cherished him. That would never go over well, I guess. I’m almost at today. Clarke Gable isn’t on the screen. I will pretend to be asleep but it won’t work. I told you this was all I was going to do today. I am going to drive over the Golden Gate Bridge. It actually doesn’t look scary at all. I’m sure I can handle it. I can’t stop thinking about flannel shirts. I have to find myself some sort, gorgeous stuff to wear this Fall. I need to do a bit of shopping. Oh and we have that stupid thing to do on the thirtieth of this month. Oh well going to keep my spirits high and power through. Not that much to do really and plenty of time in which to do it. First things first, and second. I must realize that I don’t always want what I think I want. And I’m always left feeling worse. I think back to those days of youth, lying on the beach, when I would very much enjoy being left alone to space out completely, finding that sense of utter peace. Becoming one with the all. I owe it to myself to feel like that again. It will take some doing that’s for sure. It has been terrible weather which is fine and dandy. Nobody needs to go to a comedy festival in the rain. And yet it looks like it might have been fun. I am way too easily distracted. Are we there yet?
The answer is a resounding No. I am living in a construction zone, peace and quiet aren’t mine right now. I need sound noise cancelling headphones this week. I need to watch my diet and calories intake. I need to find increasing middle ground. I need to get this leg of the journey over with. I need to get what we need into works. It isn’t easy I’ll tell you that. But it is necessary and I can be more rested and dinner tonight can’t be simpler. I did make some delicious salmon cakes and as if that wasn’t enough I also breaded the cod and roasted potatoes. I have such a flavory appetite. And I never eat junk food so I shouldn’t feel too bad. I did enjoy having some chocolate after supper however. Salted dark chocolate from my friends local company. It is delicious. I haven’t to work very hard on coming down and not feeling so alienated. I’m not sure I know what’s wrong with me. My brain is just so freaking scrambled today. Now I want eggs—dammit. See what I mean? I can’t seem to keep a single thought in my brain. It’s not that big a deal but I think I need to unsoak myself every so slightly and I need to give my nerves a break as well. All came back from teh dr. okie-dokie, but I still have to scedule this MRI. I hope to hear back from that office tomorrow. I think it was 586 1906 but I could be wrong about that. Never mind I will call again and leave another message ans see what i will see.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360 degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2020 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2020 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.
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