Cancer 9°

Quesiton No. 20: Can you have fun being more itinerant, moving around the Cape and Boston and all New England, really, connecting the dots. Don’t you miss taking and posting pictures, being out and about. Try to search your feelings and ideas on this. Having gotten through all the other questions and feeling rather caught up on your ideology. Do you think you can create words and pictures now as you move forward and realize you are never truly behind but right on time and if you end up getting to the next project which requires the raising of money don’t you trust that you’ll put out an all-points bulletin to get the help, financial and otherwise, you need to not sink below your necessary fundraising goals?

First of all , I have to pause to say that, although my blogging hasn’t been perfect and it certainly hasn’t been all about the Cosmic Joke (French: Blague), except that it has, I have managed, after more than “thirty days in the hole”

to be writing the actual Blague entry that should correspond to this day, that is to say, I have caught up to myself, bitches, and when I say bitches I mean lovely people. And perhaps some defeated demons in my head. Other than those I don’t want to deal in detractors but roam among the optimistic and just keep doing what I’m doing and letting enough be enough.

If you did read through this whole Twenty Questions thing I just did (there are actually Thirty, but I don’t feel like revisiting those now and, besides, I said I caught up to myself. Were you not listening? That, in itself, is a good feeling. But I’ll tell you another thing, whitey: You won’t see me skipping a Blague again, not for the life of me. I mean, not where I can’t easily catch up (as he already opens the doorway to dysfunction?), but rather comitting to the original idea of this mother: and that is to do some combination of being funny, day to day, and pointing out some cosmic joke or other, but those are few and far between, while, by the same token, truly funny things are by nature cosmic, so…yeah, I’m brilliant; whatever. Nobody is reading this (other than us).

That exercise as an “action item” (I remember there are action items mentioned in the questionnaire 21-30 which I haven’t, as I said, cared to revisit quite yet), this exercise, I mean of asking yourself twenty questions surrounding something that might seem insurmountable, whether a creative process or a project with myriad moving parts. To ask yourself twenty questions about it, you’re already feeding yourself the answers. Confidence very well might just be confiding in oneself. Which brings me to a new topic: In having this literal conversation here, as both interviewer and interviewee, I’ve been having these fun, joke conversations with myself in type on a screen that is supposed to look like paper, which it does. And…and, and, I’ve been enjoying this reparteé with moi-même and, I don’t know how else to express it: it’s provided excitement in the form of an electric, neural and also, surely, emotional surges and senses of vitality and, dare I say, a sort of self-love at first sight because, up until this moment, I have never been to me.

Oh, my gosh: I was just about to publish this when I realized I never answered the question LOL; so I came back to write something but now I’m realizing maybe I needn’t.