Sagittarius 29° (December 20)

I’m finally going to eat those tahini oatcakes I’ve been threatening to mange. I will prepare to eat chicken tacos tonight but end up giving into Cyrus wanting to eat out instead of in. Of course, by the time he gets here everything is closed and we will end up at the Pig where I will just drink wine, without food, after gummies and a few puffs. Not good. I love Cyrus but sometimes I wonder why he brings out the most vulnerable in me. It is reminiscent of being with Steven as a child. Only whereas Steven was a mauvais garcon, Cyrus is the most benevolent and chill of individuals I think I’ve ever met. It was magical in a way. He loved the flat which was to be expected. As super straight as he is he is much more a peacock than any dandy I’ve met in recent years. S. sends me something about a contest winner, suggesting I tackle it. What else should I tackle actually. I don’t know I just feel like I might just do it as a form of tithing. When we enter the Pig someone professes to know me and stands up and hugs me and all of it. I have no idea who it is. This is a very Provincetown thing after many years being somewhat in the public eye. People will think that you know them as well as they think you know them. It’s very complicated. I will never, a year later, know who this person was or is. How things have changed since then I guess is that I’m less addicting to the eating out thing, but not completely. And when I go out now I tend to splurge all the more. That said, I have developed increased restraint, but I also feel the toll these years have had on my health. I just no longer feel like myself. And I do have this weird sense, which started in small part years ago, as if I’ve been eating broken glass.

Back to the future (to revisit the past): That is to say that I am now writing this nearly a year later revisiting the little bit I wrote on that day as a placeholder. That said I am looking back through journals and such to see what was up with me around this time…

“Here with all these families I see what could have been but never was. It was nobody’s fault but just another…these past few days have been especially horrible It is amazing to me what is actually going on; the fact that I am being tortured….so shocked by the way this is being handled…well not picking this up again for another five days. Had a lovely dinner with Carol Anne last night after bumping in her the night before. We weren’t friends really in the past but it was…I think of the Colombe D’or. I think of everywhere we’ve been. All the books and columns. Tonight will not be a lot of fun. I’m afraid I will writhe and moan…once again as if I am the disposable one and I am not. I am going to to take stock and my this work It will not be easy but I might stop off. I am doing my best to keep it all together. I will never be a rich daddy and despite my protests I have to start getting happy. In all these years I ‘ve nobody to invite. You were my life…The big takeaway is her highness planning on speaking to me againce once the big d is final.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.