Taurus 22° (May 11)
Today will be a little painful. Woke to news that Jerry Stiller died, which brought up some happy and painful memories. I will spend a good deal of time today in the kitchen, roasting chicken, making bokchoy, and a roasted red pepper soup for tomorrow. I don’t want to just write about the boring stuff that’s happening. I want to write about my feelings but I don’t know how to express anything different than what occurred the day before. I am very much aware of the fact that my creativity is feeling drained. One way to know that is to write a Blague like this everyday and feel the changes. But write I must. So I have various tricks for doing just that. One of them involves waiting until five o’clock and having some wine and seeing if that unleashes anything. Well, it’s early morning so that won’t work today; and also I am taking a break from all substances including sugar in any form (so that means my beloved Chinon and other organic reds). It is too easy right now just to down a bottle of wine and watch a new show on one of the channels or apps that we are all succumbing to right now. I just got a book deal and I have to power through on that. First things first, is driving through writer’s block. If you don’t feel inspired to write you just write until inspiration comes. That is what I’m doing here. I know it’s really meta, isn’t it. But that’s not the point. The point is to beat the block at its own game, to force ones way through frustration. I don’t want to talk about pandemics or politics because I am living them, and who cares what I have to say anyway.
I wrote to Amy even though she has treated me abominably in the past. It is the least I can do out of respect for her father’s passing. I won’t hear back. I spent two decades listening to her complain about all the lemons life has handed her, chief among the treatment at the hands of her brother Ben. I advocated for her to do things on her own because I do think she is talented. And then when I began my festival I asked her to perform year on year; and when she finally did she was a nightmare of the most extraordinary scale. Still I made up with her. But then she brought it all to bear again and we had to end our relationship of a quarter of a decade. That’s how it goes I suppose. She will be fine. She has lived off her family all her life and never had to work a single day of it. She had a waitress job once which I think was to train her how to function in some semblance of a normal environment. She worked brunches at the Universal Grill and her mother would come in as a customer for most of her shifts. We were encouraged to be her friend because she made enemies at every turn due to her negative and erratic behavior. There is a famous story of our visiting her family hous in Nantucket. Thank god for Anne Meara who was a wonderful person. Amy really was so difficult and still is I imagine. I have hundreds of emails from her dressing her brother down. I could probably make money handing them to some kind of tabloid. Something I would never dream of doing of course. Her brother knows how difficult she is. He knows more than we do. But we know pretty well as do many of her so-called friends. One put up with Amy because her parents really were such lovely people. She would say that people used her to get to them but I don’t think that was ever true of anybody.
First of all there was nothing Anne and Jerry could have done for anyone Amy would have brought home to the fold, except provide them joy and advice and fun company. Jerry was a real closer talker and seemed to carry a briefcase (I think with his memoirs) with him wherever he went. One tolerated Amy in the end because she tested everyone. I think she really thought that people were using her; so she would (subconsciously) be as awful as she could be. All I know is that she sicked a lawyer on me, assuming I wanted to steal her creative ideas (did I mention she is certifiable?) and then she let me spend on her travel and lodging but then didn’t use any of it. She flew on a jet with two assistants to do what was basically meant to be a workshop of a show she was asked not to perform anywhere else first, as we wanted to premier it. Well guess what she did and how many times before showing to do it as contracted. Exactly. Her father was in a home, basically; her mother had just died; and now she had money to spend as if she were some famous starlet, most of whom wouldn’t act like the entitled brat she acted like.
That’s enough of that. I really don’t want to bash her. And I actually wish that there was some kind of smoothing over to happen with her. I always had compash and love for her all those years leading up to her, once and for all, showing her true colors. Suddenly, everything she ever said that Ben said about or did to her rang completely real and true. I grew up with a crazy, effed up sister and so did he. I remember when I was hanging out with Jeanne Trippelhorn, doing an interview with her for Detour magazine, when she and Ben were still a couple. She had a snootful to say about Amy, too, how she was relentless with Ben and how it really wore him and them down. He is no picnic either I imagine (but I don’t know). I do know he is a fat phobe and that his poor ex wife seemed to disappear into anorexia. Also the times I have been with him he was really snotty and unfriendly and acted like he wanted to be anywhere than where he was (which was probably around Amy). Ugh. Anyway, I’m supposed to be finishing this branding project and my brain just doesn’t want to bring it on home for some reason, which makes no sense. It truly shouldn’t be a big deal at this point and I just need to get my slick-copy brainset on. I don’t know people. I think what has happened is that the feeling of just getting through this time, or waiting it out
The following blocks of texs are exceprts from my first year of Blagues, nos. 256-260 I am reading through all my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, but the time I get to my seventh, I will have through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize:
There are no postings from the five older Blagues I read through today.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360 degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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