Taurus 9° (corresponding to April 28, 2016)
(For last year’s meditation on the Sabian Symbol for this degree: click here)
I can’t say I slept well. Raising money is hard on the morale. But I decided to try and raise $1K a day for the next 30 days which still won’t cover all I need to collect in time for my performance festival, Afterglow, in September. So that was eating me up a bit. V is for Value. It’s a Taurus word. And I’ve scanned my conscience and my desire to make this festival happen and I keep coming up against the same obstacle which is: I’m not sure if ends will meet. But having said all that I’m going to try what Stella has prescribed which is: Affective Forecasting.
The principle here is to expect the best regardless. Those of us who grew up the children of immigrants, if a few generations removed, not to mention Catholic, will be familiar with the notion of preparing for the worst. Not to have too-high expectations lest they be dashed and we disappointed. The proverbial other shoe dropping, Murphy’s Law et al. All just excuses to drink I imagine, being fundementally Irish. In any case, it’s the wrong way of going about things. There is nothing to be lost from expecting the absolute best in fact. Indeed, energetically speaking, we are happier in the meanwhile, between expectation and result, no matter the result. My mother used to split the difference; she would say: Expect the best but prepare for the worst. She was on to something. But apparently preparing for the best might be better. So, on that note, I’m going to expect to make my budget for this non-profit festival I love because it is a worthwhile thing I’m doing and it deserves people’s attention and support.
And anyway, I will admit it: I am something of a magical thinker. And it has mainly put me in good stead. There have been downsides to it. But for the most part it has allowed me to live a pretty enchanted life. And for that I am grateful. I suppose I’m grateful to myself for not having to work for anybody else since….hmmmm….when was the last time I worked for anybody? I can’t even remember the last job I had where I had to punch a clock. Even when editing magazines, like we did at Wallpaper in London, it was in an exalted position and as an independent contractor of sorts. I had a work visa for a very short amount of time. I love London. It might be my favorite city all told because it has everything New York has and then some. It depends on what you want from a city I suppose. It changes for me year to year But I’m such an empath I can imagine myself everywhere. Except when I totally can’t.
I like the idea of having a number of little places around the world to hop to at will. So far I live quite in keeping with that ideal even though I really don’t own anything at this juncture in my life. I’m taking a break from ownership you might say. It’s nice not to have the responsibility and it will make owning homes and more possessions more fun when it does cycle back around. But I’ve prided myself on never being a materialist, but perhaps that’s been to a fault. People tell me I should pay myself, even, in working on the non-profit festival and producing but a) there hasn’t been enough money to do that; and b) it seems beside the point. I’m afraid that if I were to want a salary from the non-profit it might change how I do things. Also, I’m pretty unabashed in my approach to fundraising and I think I can be that ballsy because all the money goes to the cause and to the artists.
Okay I feel a bit better for having written this one.
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