Sagittarius 5° (November 28)

I got lost again today. I hate that. My locomotion went off the rails which is really a bummer. I know I have fear, nerves surrounding certain projects that push all my buttons; but you know what it is still two and a half weeks and I am going to work pretty steadily around the current project and its promotion. I have to consider the fact that putting myself out there, say, on a stage is something worth honoring in and of itself. I’m not the best singer in the world and I’m not a comedian (perhaps I’m a casual one but surely not a cultivated one) but I feel I do have a message and a why of putting even songs across that is unique; and moreover, I can isolate in myself “the place’ where this is all coming from and the latent power and longing for expression that lurks in that deep purple place; the trouble is that it is a treasure surrounded by a dragon, demons. But that is the fight worth fighting I feel and once isolated in this way it does change perspective. I am fine and I have plenty of time and I need to take the words and music by the balls instead of getting lost in moments of pleasure.

The zodiac is forever revealing things to me about life. Taurus, even the symbol is ironic in that it more expresses the view that this “feminine” sign has as the white heifer in myth, the world is the Bull, the fertilization of this fixed-earth, garden sign. Taurus is so other orientated that its very sign symbol is colored by the fact. I have always had this need to figure out a logical explanation for this being a “feminine” sign with so masculine a sigil (a word made more mainstream by Game of Thrones).

I get homesick for London more than I do Paris which is strange. Not that I would necessarily want to set up home or shop there. I think that would be nightmarish given the experience we’ve had working at a magazine there and dealing with estate agents and such—talk about bullshit. (We were—I refer to the Taurus discussion.) And yet, especially around Christmas, I feel this massive tug toward England; no doubt due to the fact that we did spend a number of Christmasses ourselves there with our adoptive sprawling family. Sometimes it was just easier, anyway, to live someone else’s life; it was not fun or rewarding but only heart- and soul-wrenching to be with my own family for the most part where I never felt safe. I replicated those kinds of relationships, especially the one that began in 1985 and ended in 2014. It’s so weird how things that seem so traumatic are so eye opening—like the move from Scorpio to Sagittarius, the dragon of the former sign merging with the human into a lizard king or queen of phantasmagorical proportion. The merger of the animal, or even demon, with the human.

I’ve decided that mornings should be for procrastination by another name or term. Going back to the British conversation, when I worked there I noticed nobody did anything all day long until like, say 4PM, in a frenzy, before they headed to the pub by 7 the latest. It always drove me crazy that they could be so lax in the American view; now I realize that they were just living a pretty solid truth: that work does happen in bursts and to sustain a spate of post lunch focused fury (where one may have already had two beers plus a double coffee) might be all anyone could deliver in a given day; that is IF you’re living a life, as they do more whan we Americans do, where the focus isn’t on doggedly purusing some American dream, then why wouldn’t you relax more in to your actual day. I think it’s time to try this; minus the two beers and double coffee.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree of the Sabian Symbol may be higher than the one listed here  as the symbols cluminate in the next degree. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 days.

 Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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