Gemini 7° (May 26)
I want more than anything to feel relaxed today. I woke up three hours ago (it’s now just past eight thirty) and came upstairs to my office to find a return email from my childhood friend to whom I’d reached out yesterday. She and I went through grammar and high school together and stayed in touch for quite a while after, but last I had contacted was a reunion which was now nearly fifteen years ago—is it possible? Yes. She wrote to say that her husband with whom she’s been in love since early teens—he also went to junior and senior high with us—has a rare cancer and prognosis is not long to live. It was quite a shock to the system I must say. She and I, especially, were very close and I use to drive with her by his house in the middle of the night when we were juniors in high school, and she had been broken up with him. We made a pact that if she didn’t marry him that we’d get married. She was a total jock and it would be her job to teach the kids sports; I would teach them art and drama. We are like Artemis and Apollo, always having a special bond as diametrically opposed as our spirits might be. Well we are now back in touch and that is what matters. It is this morning I learn about Theseus, over breakfast, relating all of this to S. She is quite sad too. It is a reminder of how fragile life is, as if we didn’t need a reminder during this pandemic. But these things never really register unless they cut close and, despite the gulf of time and space, this cuts to the bone, which is actually a very poor choice of words in the circumstances, trust me. So here I am “late” getting to my work, but isn’t this my work? Isn’t writing this Blague every day important even though I don’t have a single reader?
I’m not looking to just fill space today. It’s just that I am procrastinating wildly because I have to say the work at hand feels terribly boring at present. I’m doing my best which, you should know, isn’t always good enough. I put these blocks up of this I am aware. I’m looking for an out. I’m looking for a lifeline. I’m wanting more than a distraction. I want to be seen and understood in a different context. I want to be happy and sing in the sunlight. I want to be young which I’m loath to admit. It’s true. That said, on most days, it’s not like I feel old or anything. And the more sleep I get and the more I keep other aspects simple in my life, I feel not just young but like a child. I know the things which no longer serve me. This quarantine-lockdown is a certain trial by fire in which we are purified, and the purification feels amazing. We give it up to the god Hephaestus. The god of fire that is the archetype of Virgo brings that Sun of the previous sign of Leo down to earth. Prometheus is his spiritual progenitor. Theseus is about the Pisces myth in essence or related since he is a son of Poseidon and of Aegeus. Theseus means to set or to place and it was due to his lifelong of mistakes that he ended up setting things to right. He was oblivious, in a sense, so that would ring true for the Neptune energy of dissolution as it relates to the mists of oblivion. I have so much in me but not enough to get done the job at hand. I will take another ten minutes and then I will outline the work for the day over the next three hours. I promise you that should be enough. I can type it up later. I will try to carry on in this manner over the course of the next several days. I have made the mistake of listening to music that makes me feel nostalgic and I must pivot, change course. I found an old spiritual record that is also somewhat nostalgic but should allow me to get more readily into today’s work. It might be fun to go to the Longnook beach next week, in Truro. That is something I can do surely? Here’s hoping the weather holds.
I have about four minutes before having to meet with clients, so I thought I would try to sneak in a little writing in that time which isn’t that easy, actually. There is this high pitch sound happening in the room. Remember those from childhood? They used to be more frequent like déjà vu which I never have anymore I kind of miss it. Apparently there is more scanning of the frontal lobe going on when you’re older which reduces the occurrence of the phenomenon even though memory overall declines over the years. Funny that. My nerves are on edge right now as I am waiting on this client session. It is the lockdown I’m sure. I have spent a lot of time now cooped up in close quarters. I don’t know about you but I’m not really that used to be so chipper all the time, which is ones responsibility in the circumstance but right now I have lost the capacity. The time with clients was actually healing and rewarding. I am still falling further and further “behind” but I am starting to care less and less. I have the ability to rejig my schedule at will and I will do what I can to stay as close to schedule as possible, but there truly is no point in doing any of this if it’s going to cause any kind of agita. And I will have to let all the negativity go if I’m going to function in any kind of magical way. I can be thinking about the past if I intend to move forward. I need to read the contract that came in from the publisher but it’s not like I have a ton of time. I am making myself present when I need to be. I am not rushing to get my hair cut I’m going to let it grow and grow, why the fuck not. It might end up looking pretty damn good in the process, who’s to say? J’ai pas moi.
The following blocks of texs are exceprts from my first year of Blagues, nos. 326-330 I am reading through all my Blagues, five per day, and posting some samples here. Now, in my sixth year of writing this Blague, but the time I get to my seventh, I will have through all the daily Blagues of my first five years. If that’s confusing I apologize:
And still: There was nothing worth posting from the five older Blagues I read today. It has been really helpful to get an idea of what the content has been over the last five years. The first year was very much about the Sabian Symbols (see below), the bulk of that material I don’t want to post in this slot. And I’m nearly through that year so, once I get into the Blagues from 2016, there will be a lot more to post here (which is a good thing because I won’t have time to write a lot à la minute as we just got a new book deal and that is where my effort and attention is going!
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360 degrees spread over 365/6 days per year—so they nearly, but not exactly, correlate.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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