Gemini 16° (June 6)
Last night was fun and we had a lovely meal but I woke up feeling terribly spooked and I’m not sure why. Or I am. Partly because it’s my father’s birthday and in many ways he was not unlike the orange thing. And I’m feeling as triggered as a millenial watching The Shining. That made no sense but I don’t care (I’ll insert a better example when it occurs to me). I have to stay on top of things it is such a total must. I also do not want to be photographed right now which was the original idea for the shoot. Now that I’ve decided to speak up and bow out, I feel it was the right thing. I don’t think I would feel as comfortable promoting the product via peddling pictures of myself. There is something cringy about it for me certainly but I would imagine also for anyone who is receiving it. Anywig I had a bit of a dark day of the soul and couldn’t quite stay the course as is so required of me right now—I really can’t afford even the slightest slip up right now. And I’m not being unnecessarily hard on my self, trust: I have to have higher not lower expectations of myself right now to get and keep things super on track.
Anyway I shouldn’t be speaking ill of the dead even if they were my tormentors. I didn’t realize how emotional today would get me. And it’s not as if I even miss my dad or anything because basically I don’t. I felt quite relieved actually at his passing some sixteen years ago (it was sixteen years ago). I think why the sudden bursting of emtion and plunging into dark feelings today was the result of thinking just what a total waste the whole thing was, which is was. Why did I have to spend so many years, nearly forty, being treated so harshly. And my sister, from whom I’ve been estranged for thirteen years (when my mother died) always piled on. She was even worse than he was. And recently we worked on our wills which is never a cheery prospect either. But I’ve had to make sure that none of my work, struggle or strife, not to mention any reward, will ever go to that evil being, if she is even still alive. Who knows. I don’t want to know.
So it’s time for a little pep talk: You (meaning me) have to get laser focused and stay very juicy writing this since it’s the only therapy you have going on right now (although you know you need go start a new phase of the actual talking kind). So I have caught up a bit now on the artist front. The next step next week is to start building the website and get information together for the posters and postcards. And I will next week get further into the fundraising as well. So that’s shaping up to be something managable. Meanwhile I’m going to get myself going on this proposal because it seriously has to happen and be somewhat easy. I need to start writing the actual sample starting the fifteenth of the month which would gaive me a good three weeks to put this together. Meaning: During the course of the next seven days I will have a draft of the proposal proper and I will have read through the bits of the old book that need reading through.
In the meantime there is this bit of project I’m working on which is trying to hone in on some plant imagery per sign, which is kind of slow going but it isn’t a total fail as of yet. It is much more challenging than I thought it would be however…
Wisteria Romance
Oak Power & Courage
Palm Peace
Cherry Good Fortune, Love, Romance
Birch New Beginnings
Elms Intuition and Inner Strength
Redwood “Forever” Eternity
Maple Balance & Promise
Cedar Healing & Cleansing
Japanese Maple Blessings & Peaceful Retreat
Fir Springtime
Apple Youth, happiness, health, beauty, magic
Ash Sacrifice, sensitivity, Higher awareness
Bamboo Spirit, Regeneration, renewal flexibility
Beech Tolerance, patience, lightness of spirit and words GEMINI
Bonsai Meditation, harmony, peace all that is good
Birch New beginnings, cleansing of the past and vision quests
Cedar Healing, protection, cleansing VIRGO
Cypress Role of sacrifice
Elder New life, renewal and the fairy realm
Elm Inner strength, realm of intuition CANCER
Eucalyptus Wealth abundance fortelling
Fir Springtime, fortitue, immortality
Hazel Hidden wisdom, dousing, divination, cleansing healing SCORPIO
Heather Healing from within, immortality, rites of passage
Holly Protection, overcoming anger, winter solstice
Juniper Journeying, staying true to self, integrity SAGITTARIUS
Maple Balance, promise, practical magic
Oak Courage, power, might
Olive Repair relationships, reward, victory, strength, purification, fruitful
Palm Peace, soul-enrichment
Pine Reaching for the stars, eternal life
Redwood Eternity, ancient wisdom
Sequoia Lofty dreams, stretching limits, reaching for starts
Wisteria Romance, great and enduring love
Willow Fulfilling wishes of the heart, learning from the past, innervisions
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360 degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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