Scorpio 20° (November 12)


Mystical morning. We will out for most of the day. First to Provincetown to sort out all things banking. I made some avocado toast to hold us over and had turkey bacon and stewed tomato frittata waiting for us afterward. Then a whore’s bath. (Kathy Griffin is a hero.)The off to pick up some new goodies from the apothecary, and onto Yarmouth for two quick, rainy appointments of S’s. Then I was twenty-two minutes early for mine and I saw I had a call and it was the facility saying I could come early. Why do I find getting MRIs one of the most relaxing experiences. It’s like I when forced to stay still I will do so willingly. It’s like an iso-tank. They blast loud sound alarms of various beats into your brain and, in my case, spine. You have both earplugs and headphones piping music—I picked classical (because I know it further induces my iso-experience). And a few jokes surfaced: 1) It had a good beat but I just can’t dance to it; 2) Can we go again? 3) I forget the rest right now, hopefully they’ll come back to me. Oops, maybe that sound did scramble my brain a bit. It was very wild, rainy, stormy and dark with not much visibility on the way home which was stressful, but I felt remarkably unpanicky. I wonder if the apothecary had anything to do with it. That and the fact I left my car window open, I will find, when I wake the next morning.

While at the bank we got a text that there is a gala to go to in New York City. So I guess we will be in town twice in the next month. Fine why not. These are the moments from which life is made. It accelerates my diet plans to near-crash level (I’m hoping to discern a healthy path in the next month cum six weeks. I have to say it is not as easy as I suspected. There might be something to this thing about thinking you can quit stuff easily any time and then realizing, wait, not so fast, when you actually try to do so. I have to demonstrate to myself that this is possible. I have been trying to apply the same philsophy of “floating past” that I use to handle anxiety to the surfacing of certain urges and desires to, well, give in to urges and desires, some of which go hand in hand. There are many ways we take the edge off. And yet we describe people we admire as having an edge. I think I just thought of a title for this Blague entry. I’m sure I’ve already used it. I’m not going to tell you which thing happened. And you should ask yourself why does it matter.

There is the sense this week of being on any number of precipices and there isn’t really anything wrong with that. I don’t understand stories on social media. I don’t really understand much. All I know is that I’m writing more content here right now as I funnel, shepherd, all my to do list that is popping up as I go into a giant list at the end of this. I am predicting that by, what day is it today, Tuesday?, that by Thursday I’m super all caught up and that, at this point, I will be waking and writing a paragraph, stopping at lunch to write a paragraph, then adding a third before dinner. That’s how this maybe is going to go from now on. Everything else between now and six weeks hence, at the end of the year, is just a matter of tying off. We aren’t even thinking about starting something new. I wish I had a friend who would knock on my door and shout hey and then walk (door’s open) and find me in front of the fire a flop down and just start talking at me like some TV neighbor or dormmate. I want that kind of close boon companionship again. And, to quote A Chorus Line, god(s) I hope I get it. And you wonder why I don’t have friend’s with references like that. Not here on Cape Cod anyway. No shortage of bearded fellows in plaid who will talk at me sideways with their arms folded though.


To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree pointof the Sabian Symbol will be one degree higher than the one listed for today. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. There are 360  degrees spread over 365 or 6 days per year—so they near but not exactly correlate.


Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go!
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