Leo 5° (July 26)
I’m totally eating tahini oatcakes every single day. That’s happening. We have so many oats and I am determined to eat my way through my pantry. I will get that moving on Thursday when I start physical therapy. Today was a fucking joke. First of all I did manage to catch up on writing by staying up until four a.m. And I woke up at seven so today is a bit of a waah waah. I might end up going into town for oysters after all I shall see. Need to do it sooner than later. Starting tomorrow though I will get back into the book and work on my tan and get a bit dried out. I find the whole thing really cruel suddenly I think I need my oysters. And now I’m fueled:
You may’ve deluded yourself into believing that my forwarding you the “concern trolling” messages from L and he who must not be named was simply a reactionary act, something emotionally charged, but I assure it was not. Yes, to receive a message from an acquaintance whom I met through J and N, two years ago, who subsequently drunkenly tried to seduce me at your last New Year’s Eve party, is annoying. Especially as it signaled that my once dear friend who introduced us, a friend I reached out to multiple times this past month, with no response back, would have spread the news in her inimitable way. Then to wake to a message from him, someone who has not once contacted me in all these years. The person with whom our host ridiculed her so-called best friend. That sickening morning—I always tried to get up and eat and depart before the early gossip ensued—when that mouth breather and you raked poor JJ, who wasn’t there to defend herself, over the coals for her “no talent.” I was near to retching. And so was someone else who may now be loath to admit it. A Leo who prides himself on loyalty is the most opposite of it in the negative expression thereof. Shame. And, so what? You return to your friendship, a phony, keeping hidden the fact that you trash your best friend, and to and with whom? A sycophantic manipulator? A hijacker of conversations? A getter of weddings? A blowhard? Imagine, imagine, how she would feel if she ever thought (though she does suspect, she’s not fucking stupid) that you make fun of her with many people on the regular, that you condemn her to strangers whom she’s never met. Meanwhile your vaping stooge was already in on the joke—this was nothing new, this trash talk, this was well-worn territory…it wasn’t the first time you together made her the butt of your joke. We both left the breakfast table in absolute disgust. We didn’t say a word, we exchanged looks and I think both thought that if we made this silent move it might send a message. It didn’t. One may disagree with me now, of course, but I wouldn’t know because we are no longer connected. The fifth house of Leo is “co-creation with god” and people of the sign like to play it to the hilt, deciding who can do or gain or receive what as a result of what you bestow. We have been the recipients of your incredible kindness and generosity but we have also felt the undelicious sting of your suddenly pulling it out from under us. Something that smarted for years. Loyalty is something neither of you two kennel dwellers understand. I have always been exactly who I am. I came out to my parents at seventeen and to everyone at at nineteen. The first time we were ever in bed together there was another boy with us. It was innocent enough. In Paris the year we all met, Amy and J and Max and J and L, I had dates with othe boys. L, you even made breakfast for me and a friend one morning after returning from a sleepover at S’s. It didn’t matter then to me and it doesn’t matter now. I fell in love with the most beautiful and intriguing and captivating and interesting person on the planet. She happened to be an inny. But I have always liked outtys too. And I never hid the fact. Others, you, gradually started hiding the fact; such that I felt, oh well, I guess, if I’m going to get love at this point I better start hiding it more and more too. But not really. I expressed who I was. I spoke to my bisexuality on stage. Hell, I even did M drag on the boat. Yes, I did Brando, too, but, remember I’m the one with the tasteful makeup and ensemble in the photo from Dizzy Place in Paris for L’s 21st birthday in 1986. I’ve remained true to myself and I applaud others, especially those I love more than anyone in the world (that’s you), doing likewise. But this shit? This shit?. This embargo on communication and information and friendship. Treating me like I’m a disease—this is the most disloyal act of all. And each of you are perpetrating it in your own way. I’m a good person. And none of your gaslighting revisionist bullshit is going to ever make the likes of me think otherwise. So, tell your concern trolls to fuck the fuck off. I don’t want any insidious messages from them. I don’t like or respect them. And, unless a miracle were to occur, you don’t get to know me anymore. And that is my decision, not yours bitch.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period.
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