Scorpio 6° (October 30)
I couldn’t even tell you what happened today. All I know is that I’m getting a bit weird. It’s the repetitive writing work. I’m not in control of it somehow, but I know it will come out alright in the end. It sort of has to at this point. We’ve been social in the evenings which is always fun and there is so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to. I think of my young friends who died. I always think of them this time of year because my first experience of this was when my close childhood friend died in 1988. For the first time ever I Googled him and discovered he was a year older than I thought. He must have been kept back a year in school? But he was so brilliant; but probably impossible to control. Or the online records are incorrect. Anyway he was the first to go. We were just rekindling our friendship and I could tell we were about to embark on a major new chapter but it was never to be. So many things never to be. I believe that I am at a crossroads today and I have a choice here whether to survive this turning point. It’s always hard to move forward because you then have to admit that you squandered so much of the past. I did that. We all have I suppose to some degree; but I do feel a lot of regret and pain over bridges burned; but if I live in that I will never make it into this next important phase of being.
I’m excited to move forward I actually need to move forward. I want to feel new feelings. I can’t keep dragging some past behind me. I need to make new magic and hopefully, in so doing, I will be able to repair. It’s already happening. I’m not going to be rushed. I’ll get to stuff when I get to it. The trip is already shaping up to be quite business-y; it’s a great boon that that is the case. And it looks like we’ll be able to see all our friends after all. It’s time to change the narrative in a major way. It reminds me:
There comes a day, after a sleepless night, when the anxieties of life morph into purpose. The impetus to express what that is inevitably fades in the attempt. There is the retreating regret that it has taken some fifty years for some semblance of revelation to occur. It is alchemical, the shift. And it must be total.
I’ve always suspected that life couldn’t be lived in half measures, though I see others do so, seemingly succesfully, all the time.
For me, on this day marking the first third of a year past my fiftieth birthday, I can be filled with recrimination for any so-called waste of time I caused or I can see it as an accumulation of fuel to further myself and “sin no more.” And just plan to live longer.
I glean in myself a dual purpose. A most original but heretofore largely ignored, save in spurts, dedication to the theatre; and one devoted to the continually unfolding discovery of my spiritual self. I enjoy the fact that stage and sacred space, theater and temple, performance and priesthood are historically and culturally linked, once one and the same.
Synchronicity is symptomatic support by the universe of ones realization and pursuit of their individual spark of purpose.
I needed reminding of the above. Everything is all of a piece. I need to limit the distractions now at this point. And to tie it all together
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree of the Sabian Symbol may be higher than the one listed here as the symbols cluminate in the next degree. There are 360 degrees spread over 365 days.
Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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