Pisces 6° (February 25)
Brad will be over today and I will have been under the misconception that I had more time to focus on what required it. I’m not really sure what went down. All I know is that I wasn’t very much dealing with reality today and rather ran and hid from the work at hand. I did quick trip to the shops then just sat by the fire, slowly easing into this day back into writing and other obligations. I did reach out, I don’t know if I mentioned, to see if JCM might comp us for his show, in which case we will go back up to Boston Saturday. I feel that some of my old injuries might be coming back to haunt me and I am no longer longing but aching to get back to my ocean or at least bay beach walks. We are definitely checking a lot off the list this week and I feel myself in overall preparation for clearing any number o decks. I know I spent the morning feeling that feeling of there being something missing; and I know that I have a tendency to what to fill those empty spaces; but I have learned, am still learning, to let these feelings pass. To let them move you to another place. If you just placate them you end up steps back from where you need be.
So I can do things like rearrange the budget. Word some emails to folks, Matt and Tim B. especially. But also someone like Rick. And to Barry too. I can also tell stories about Juliana and playing characes or Kip and our daytrip to Walden pond or the bleak feeling of moving to New York and how I never really shook it. I can get all the grant work underway. I can dill in the slots as best I can for next festival. I can also start to word my outreach to the existing folks, to the missionary folks, to the hotel folks, to the realtor folks, to the performers I’d like to ask for help. For the individuals I need to make up my Sparkler audience. All of it. It can be fun overall me thinks. If I can just let the pieces fall into place where they may. Healing is true happiness. And to that end I shall continue to make some good food this week. I am a little tired of doing so much of the cheffing and schlepping but such is my life. Until it changes. Which it very well may do, and on a dime. I am no longer married to any outcomes. I don’t have any family to keep me anchored and friendships I feel have become one-way streets for the most part. Is it just our generation or did people always become best friends with their grown children to the near total exclusion of everything else.
I have resentment, clearly. The result of not putting myself first in this life, for which I only have myself to blame. But every day provides a fresh opportunity and today I’m going to take it. I know I have the power to reel in all the external nonsense in my life. For starters you will not find me visiting certain “relatives” any longer. This year has proved that trying to relate to these people has become the crazy you do when you expect different results from the same old actions. And anyway, the energy vibration is so low that I simply can no longer survive it. I am going to hold out for Parigi when it comes to the next local, going through all the things that need spring cleaning and flinging. Does one really need to be a part of LinkedIn or are all the emails I get about people (friends?) doing stuff there just part of some propganda campaign to get me to post there?
All is propoganda. We are living in the Orwellian midst of it. The animal farm is formidable. The poetry of the day, profound. We find it in ourselves to change the conversation. We are not powerless; we push back.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree of the Sabian Symbol may be higher than the one listed here as the symbols cluminate in the next degree. There are 360 degrees spread over 365 days.
Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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