Sagittarius 13° (December 5)
Tofu, Greens, Scallion, Ginger for lunch. Octopus tonight for dinner. Revisiting this post that’s all that’s written here so far. I will have lost so many important friends on top of the most important friend in my life. I can’t fathom how I’ve done anything to warrant this. It truly does take two to tango and I don’t think that it’s been fairly documented this whole time. I need to get a handle on how much Blague needs catching up on. That’s sort of my only goal for today. I finally did just that but it was a long time coming. So much has transpired since last “we” spoke. The ringer is something through which I’m still being put. I don’t know what to do with all the “information” I’m receiving, so much conflict involved. Today is a funny birthday as there are some major characters, but very few. Some days have a ton of famous people, this one not so much. There is Walt Disney and Little Richard and General Custer, and Otto Preminger the rest are relatively unknown and the only famous woman I know born this day is Margaret Cho. The feeling I get is that it’s one of lightning striking or not. Both Sagittarius and Gemini, being axis signs, share the concept of electricity, Gemini being the mutable-air sign of static electricity and the mutable-fire sign of Sag being the extreme giant spark of lightning. Unpredictable to say the least. The energy of this day is very all or nothing it would seem. I want so much (writing from the future) to understand my mindset in the past. I don’t feel I will have progressed that much, to use the future anterior I suppose. I think I understand from where I sit that I had to wallow. At the same time I am blissfully unaware of the pain that is to come. So much more heartache in store it’s not real. I will get to a point emotionally where I am forced to rally my individual forces and also count my friends and allies one by one. But at this very point in time I understand I’m still in shock. In some ways I’m still wishing that repair is possible. It will turn out to be a pipe dream. I need to learn to make my own money and lots of it. I have to be clearheaded for this I (will) realize. It is all going to be slow going. And the simplest things exhaust me. That will end up being okay. It will be fine and dandy to just do one tiny thing a day until such time as I am emotionally and mentally back up and running. Baby steps for sure. I flash to that scene in the only good first SATC film where Samantha is spoonfeeding Carrie. I hope some day soon to have someone to spoonfeed me but en route to that I will have to learn how to do it for myself. I spent pretty much three decades going without certain intimacy and I didn’t understand how unloved I felt. I was in a unique position to supplement these feelings but, as is so often the theme or recurring pattern of my life, the symptom became the cause and the crime was made to fit the punishment. As time goes on I will discover just how thrown under the bus I’ve really been. Until then I keep trying like some kind of puppy dog to get some scrap of affection from someone whom I always perceived as truly loving. My dreams are all of disbelief. I get flashes where I have to do everything all at once. Especially if I’ve altered my consciousness in any way. But the truth is that I must sink deeper into the grief. I won’t learn that for a very long time.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°, for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period.
Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.