Aquarius 10° (January 30)
Finally made contact today with Pete Nelson the tree house designer whom I went to middle and part of high school with before he set off to Deerfield, I think, in his sophomore year. My friend Barbara Bestor put something on Facebook looking for a tree house designer and Pete has become pretty famous. Anyway, I don’t think he quite places me but we had a nice chat for sure. Brought back some old memories and some pangs too in the process. I will attribute an exacerbation of that fact to my not being very social, if anything I’ve been rather anti- these past couple of years. My life, you see, is peopled with clients, a few family, the artists I impressario, the venues, the sponsors I hound, and the general populations of New York, Boston and Provincetown with whom I come in contact. I have an Aquarian Moon; and though I have been loath to admit it, I do prefer the comfort of aquaintances (does it share an etymology with the sign name?) if not outright strangers. By the same token, ironically, I am oversensitve when snubbed by people I tend to keep at arm’s length anyway. Oh well, that’s me I suppose. I have shared the most intense if not intimate conversations with people I’ve only limitedly interacted.
I’ve never been in therapy which might surprise people for two reasons—one, because I might seem so sane to people; and second, because I might seem to be completely nuts. I can assure you it is neither. I think I just understood the term saudadefor the first time, because I do long for that which I have never experienced. It comes in waves and glimpses. I long to live like F. Scott Fitzgerald; I long to live in some small Italian coastal village; I long for to live in an open-plan dark wood mid-century home on Iceland only ever listening to atonal music. Those aren’t what I long for but vague representations of it, emo-conceptual post-it notes slapped on a deeper feeling I can’t quite ever fathom. Meanwhile the simplest things can feel like molehillish mountains. I know that if I just did what was most humpish, most choreish, most likely to speed my schedule along—so I didn’t have to constantly cross out entries and re-write them on later days in my planner—the very first thing in the morning, than I might lead a more stress free day. It’s good to even try and trick yourself (like writing this Blague a day ahead so that if I slightly slip behind I don’t really), keeping momentum in bite-sized chunks, life might feel more flow. Or as I directed a client this past year: flow with the go. I don’t think that last sentence was grammatically correct.
My procrastination is typically akin to chasing those waves and glimpses. It can send me down internet rabbit holes looking at Sardinian real estate or exploring the retail viability of frozen custard. I could be the frozen custard king of the cote d’azur…see now we are blending with my F. Scott fantasy. On the riviera in the early 1980s things still looked enough a way like the footage of To Catch a Thief.It was ghost-townish, remnants of a glamorus former hotel-restaurant world still functioning in a deliciously threadbare way. A surplus of space and anonymity along the sea. This is an experience for which I also long but it isn’t one I haven’t experienced. Right now I feel it is about pressing pause. And I do look forward to the process of mass elimination, starting with the most obvious and working our way to the most potentially heartwrenching, in the process, getting our collective life into a few dozen boxes. Anway I should get back to some diatribing about Gemini….I don’t know why it feels so hard to focus on some new musings on these signs but here goes:
Gemini personifies the duality of the human experience we all share. They vividly express various extremes, all of which come under the heading of that mortal/divine dichotomy. Gemini people seem to most easily occupy either end of the spectrum at once, like Mercury, god of the crossroads, the streets (gutter), who can nonetheless ascend to the stars. Those crossroads symbolize our thoughts, or more accurately our choices. And Gemini people can more easily hold two opposing thoughts at once. They can be the most failingly human (embodiment of the fall energy) and the most soaringly “divine” in the expression of their soul, whether exhibited through their intellect or talent, the latter always seemingly fueled by the former. And sometimes they seem to express such divine talent as seems to be too much for their body to bear. Especially the women of the sign who push themselves beyond their limits, again, that moth to a flame.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree of the Sabian Symbol may be higher than the one listed here as the symbols cluminate in the next degree. There are 360 degrees spread over 365 days.
Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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