Cancer 20° (July 12)
I want to once again fall into the arms of the universe, which for me means letting go of all attachment and moving around the world at will. I feel I have to look on the next ten days before heading off to Alaska as a work-holiday of sorts. I must continue to rest and diet and allow my organs some respite, while I get the entire mechanism of the festival totally up and running. Challenge for the Actor, to be sure. Anyway, I know all is doable if I just do what’s right in front of me and take it from there.
TK dropped out of performing at Afterglow; rather she didn’t sign on, spending months finding excuses not to. I would say to her:
Let us agree that you found excuses and unuttered reasons not to send your contract citing that you had no printer. Still when I asked if you were “for sure signed on” so that I could get posters with your name on it designed and printed you said: “YES.” Despite having patiently waited monthys amid many a number of attmpts to get that plus show information and photos you simply never did. In the process, you kept saying “next week” or “after the show opens” and I tried as best as I could to work around you.
Then suddenly most recently you tried to blame the festival for putting some kind of financial pressure on you, saying you were “broke” and “busted” from doing shows back to back this spring and summer and “don’t you [me] know what you’re asking me [you] to do?” as if I was somehow the cause of what you seem to consider your own financial planning.
All I did, months ago, was offer you a slot in the festival, which you accepted; we settled on a date and you confirmed that both you and TK, your accompanist, could do that date. And I sent you a contract. That was April.
You know as the months ticked by that I need you contract and meterials; you knew I was spending donated money on designing and printing. You kept having me wait and to meanwhile bill the show generically. I suggested wording to you on that score and you told me it was wrong and I changed it. Then suddenly last week you say you’re having second thoughts but that you will “update me after” your show opens. It opened four days ago. I emailed and texted you and you didn’t respond. You try to make this seem like my fault—perhaps I’m seeing your process of your trying to convince yourself, yourself.
I, who have championed you for the last seven years, most notably to ART/Oberon, having you several times at festival and in my series at ART/Oberon, which resulted in a subsequent run of your show and a bucolic workshop. I have built audiences for you in Provincetown and Boston, and this is how you treat me. I may have been gaslighted and ghosted in the past, but not at the same time by the same person; and not by someone whom I trusted to be kind and fair to a friend and colleague.
I will add that I now have to redesign, reprint and redistribute materials with your name on it. And I will refrain from sending you the bill. You will pay without my lifting a finger. I feel bad for you. Anyone who does any combination of Starsky + Cox wrong always gets what they give one-hundred-fold. I apologize in advance for what the universe might deliver.
To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree of the Sabian Symbol may be higher than the one listed here as the symbols culminate in the next degree. There are 360 degrees spread over 365 days.
Typos happen—I don’t have time or an intern to edit.*
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