Leo 11° (August 3)

Another rough couple of days to be honest. I am full on into my oyster addiction and it has to stop. I will try to get some work done but nothing will happen. I don’t remember why exactly. Today has sort of been a blur. I did speak with Mike which was helpful and fun. And Dave and I went back and forth about meeting up but the truth is I feel a bit Cape Cod cruddy so it’s just as well that I don’t go visit friends. Chip brought over brownies, which was very sweet, and he is helping me figure out what to do with the non profit. I thought of this: True Story: It was November 1993 and we went to our favorite local Italian resto Tanti Baci on West 10th St. Paola (“How are yuuuuu?”) the owner greeted us with a sort of apologetic look because the only table for two was smashed up against a table of six. And the place being so narrow we were actually joining their table. As we sat down we shot each other looks because we were being seated next to Joni Mitchell and friends. It was her birthday. And they were eating up a storm—that is to say everybody but Joni was eating up a storm—she was drinking goblet after goblet of red wine and smoking cigarettes. We were beside ourselves (and her). The cake came. We all sang happy birthday and at this point we were full on pretending we were all the same party and just casually celebrating our friend Joni’s 50th. And now I’m back. I’m actually not sure what to do with my feelings today. I scheduled a time to see winter rental in Ptown. There is really not that much to say to be honest. Acting pretty out of character shall we say. I truly don’t recognize this person I loved for years. It would seem somehow that I am an ogre, which I definitely am not. And shamed on top of everything else. Good god. It’s really ridiculous. I have to figure out what to say to people. Hello people, so after a thirty-eight year relationship, thirty two of which spent married, S and I  have decided to amicably split. That said I find myself scrambling to dismantle the contents of my house—nine fully furnished rooms and a basement filled will a hundred boxes—to sell, store, dump or otherwise give away many, many contents, and somehow find a place to live, in a place where there isn’t a place to live, by October 31. Yeah, it’s a lot. I will be inviting friends to come by and walk through the house which I will set up as a bit of a store of sorts, to rid myself of furniture and housewares and so on. Also please pretty please if you here of any place to live—year-round or winter rental, whatever—please give me a shout. These are the breaks. Break it up, break it up, break it up, breakdown.  I am struggling to write right now and need to blow through this. I don’t know how else to communicate my feelings today. I am going to apply for some housing lottery. That fucking EM that horrible mouth breather makes me fucking sick. The concern trolling troll that he is. I will never forget that morning on the boat when he and J. trashed her best friend. Made me sick to my stomach. I don’t want to know people like that. Meanwhile I have my theories about her whole thing. What an asshole he is though. JW and (I thought) S and I tried to keep J from doing what she did but good luck with that.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 10° (August 2)

The answer is nowhere. And the point is it has been a number of days since July 30th. And a lot of water under the bridge. I am using the dictate function and I am over pronouncing everything as if I am a computer or what’s his name ah the universe Oh yes Stephen Hawking. This might be a practice I need get into. Because if I can start to function in this manner then the sky is actually the limit. And I will be living alone so who’s to hear me? It is strange though that my computer knows what I’m saying considering the fact I grew up with Lincoln logs and play DoH. So right where were we July 30th was Friday and Friday was the dentist which was all a bit of a torture and then gosh I wish I knew it happened I probably went to Mac’s I did. And they would have had oysters and I would have had chowder and I would have had crabby crunch. And I would have received weird emails on the subject of the separation and I will have spent the weekend writing up these massive amounts of questions and do I go back to Mac’s on Saturday God I hope not I’m spending a bloody fortune on oysters and yet it is what is helping me the oyster cure. So yes that will be a big day writing up everything and also going through all the eye balling up the basement and the upstairs and the office and all of it and stumbling upon boxes with all our mixed media impossible to separate unless it’s done by at least the two of us with photos and journals and memorabilia it’s an impossible task and everyone should know it and I hope they do and I hope they do so soon. It was J.s birthday on Saturday and I send a polite message and received nothing back it’s quite obvious now that I’ve been turned against her or she’s turned against me or whatever. The point is my own private life is not my own it’s been exposed but never mind. In a way it’s been a pivotal weekend however um I was hoping to land today in a more functional place and it’s not been the case at all. I’ve been overindulgent on every level and it’s now 107 in the morning the next day and I’m just now writing this blog or speaking this blog I should say and auto correct doesn’t turn blog into Blague so we’re just going to have to kill it on our own here . Um next paragraph yeah that didn’t work very well did it I guess auto or dictate or whatever it is does it know how to create new paragraphs. So yesterday it was fantastic because Dave and Allison got us tickets to see Mavis Staples at payoh met close . Uhm. Those freaks were there and I’m sure they saw me which is fine. I might have a lead on an apartment I will know tomorrow if I can see it. Mavis but it’s pretty fierce I have to say it was the thoroughly enjoyable evening and because we were going to be bringing a picnic to the show it gave me an excuse too cook which has been hard to do I do have to start thinking about my appearance because this month of crying has left me looking very sad and very old and I need to start doing better for myself I guess I have to become a narcissist just like everybody else. 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 9° (July 30)

Today my message about going through all our belongings will be misconstrued. I want to say: I have told her a number of times that, with a house with nine furnished rooms, including two offices, packed with housewares and thousands of books, a baby grand piano, plus a basement stuffed with innumerable boxes from our 38 years together, that I can’t simply wait until October to decide who gets what and what goes where. It will be a full-time job for me August, September and October to sort through what can possibly be sold, what items are divided between the two of us, what should go to the dump or into storage. This is informed, of course, by the near impossible task of finding some place for me to live by November 1. There are no rentals on Cape Cod to speak of so I will have to likely make a series of trips elsewhere in Massachusetts to find a suitable rental all while dealing with the enormity of the move. I have put a mover which we’ve used multiple times in the past on hold for October 28, 29 and 30, and we can pick an exact day of those three for them to move things to new homes or put into storage. I have asked her to come to the house soon (she can bring family with her) to go through the house with me and decide who gets what and what can be sold or dumped. There are many boxes in the basement that contain shared items and memories. We have, as I say, thousands of books—those we don’t want can be sold or donated—so we need to do the hard, meticulous work of going through them all. The same with cds and other collected items. I cannot do this alone. As a compromise I have offered to go room by room myself and photograph the contents such that her can make notes on what she wants and doesn’t. I have even offered to stack books on our many bookshelves and in boxes in the basement so she can claim what she wants. She has misconstrued this as my threatening to sell or throw away her belongings which is not at all what was implied nor is it anything I would ever do. If anything, She knows I have a very hard time throwing away anything of mine or hers. I need to express that going through the contents of our near four decades together is emotionally devastating for me. I attach a great deal of sentiment to even the slightest thing. She is much better at throwing things away than I am so I would greatly appreciate her taking the responsibility of coming to the Cape soon and working with me to sort through the material manifestations of our shared life together and not solely burden me with it. I don’t think I can handle the stress and duress on top of the sudden, shocking separation and the loss of our book deal. Plus finding somewhere to live. It is too much for me. We must be out of this house by October 31 at 5PM. I wrote to her to say: I was waiting for takeaway order when I received your note. I wrote you back a bunch of emails by iphone but they will have been filled with typos because my 1.25 readers are too weak and my fingers too fat to properly email from my iphone. Still I hope you got the gist. I would never in a million years mess with your stuff. The whole point of what I’m saying is I need you to tell me now/soon what you want me to keep put aside for you of shared items. And also, what you want to do about old books and so forth. And what furniture you want so that i keep it for you and don’t sell it. We cannot wait until October to go through contents for many reasons. For starters moving company will come in September to give estimate for moving or storing. I need to start the process NOW, not in October. I know if you stop to think for one minute about the logistics you will realize: Oh, right, if I had all that on my plate I would have had to have started yesterday. Four weeks went by before I received the proposed  “separation agreement”. Within days you are sending me notes trying to rush the process of my lawyer, who is just being retained, to get back to you. You asked for patience so please show me the same kindness. I will send you inventory/photos of each room in the house and I will go through basement and stack all the books and photograph those and you can tell me what you want. It dovetails with other conversation. For instance, if we continue working together and A-C gets an office space perhaps all shared (astrology especially) books and some furniture (for meeting clients on Zoom) can go there. Your proposal obviously wants to cut me out of A-C and leave me with an empty shell of Wheel without means for that second company to make any money. Gee thanks. I will put my first round of questions into a document that will be concise. I understand that you are spending money on a lawyer. So too am I. As far as Facebook goes. It is the only source of friendship support I have. I have been totally alone in this house like a ghost for a month. I don’t have any friends here and no family. I will do whatever I want in regard to my own social media because it is my own. You blocked me on all social media so you don’t now have the right to tell me what I can or cannot say as it pertains to my life. Snap.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.